


Voices

by Backstroke4days



Category: Haikyuu!!, Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Lots of it, M/M, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-10-14 16:32:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 61,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10540287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Backstroke4days/pseuds/Backstroke4days
Summary: Hinata feels lucky enough to have a colorful group of friends who help him overcome his problems like his insecurities. The problem is, no one else seems to acknowledge his friends and his mother, fearing it was a mental condition, told Hinata to never let anyone know. The problem is Hinata finds it difficult to keep secrets from his new friends and he can feel suspicion among his group of friends.





	1. Hinata's friends

**Author's Note:**

> For context, Hinata is younger in the intro, around 6.  
> His mother is about 24; if I'm correct, His mother was 18 when she gave birth to Hinata. Yay math (sarcasm but ya I did this in my head because I'm scared this will delete on me)

Hinata had insecurities. He was insecure about his height; he knew he was short but he hated being told he couldn't play sports with the other kids because of it. He was insecure about not having talents nor brains; he was bad at drawing and was terrible at studying. He felt he wasn't as smart as other kids. He liked to explore and let his curiosity drive him but he was insecure when talking to others. He couldn't stay still and would always get in trouble with his stricter teachers. He felt hopeless. He didn't think anyone would like him and he felt bad for giving his mom trouble.  
But despite his insecurities, Hinata was okay, Hinata had friends, he has 6 to be exact.  
There was Aomine, Hinata remembered he was the first one to not deny him for being too short to play sports (they would always pick a fight with each other and Hinata fails to just ignore Aomine when he rubs in his victory, successfully riling up Hinata).  
Kise was really pretty (according to himself) but he was also easily emotional and often got in fights with Aomine. (Hinata use to run away from Kise's suffocating hugs but he learned to accept them and give equal suffocating hugs to others.)  
Murasakibara was the tallest but also the laziest about everything except eating junk food. (He would always have snacks and often shared with Hinata.)  
Midorima was the smart one but he had this weird belief in sky drawings ( Midorima would explain it was called Horoscopes but it was always hard for Hinata to say and just settled on sky drawings).  
Akashi was smart too but usually, the leader when it came to stunts that everyone knew was a bad idea but still did (Hinata thinks Akashi helped minimize the injuries though.)  
Finally, there was Kuroko. Hinata was good friends with them all but he thinks he was closest with Kuroko. Kuroko was the quietest and he would appear out of nowhere, but sometimes, he would appear at the right time. When Hinata felt most vulnerable, Kuroko would appear and comfort him, he cherished Kuroko a lot. He cherished all his friends a lot, they all helped Hinata in some way, whether to gain confidence or in grades or by just being there to comfort Hinata....it helped Hinata push away those insecurities...

But as time went by, his mother would often look nervous when Hinata talked about his friends and his father had this mad face like he ate a bunch of sour lemons. Hinata was confused as to why but soon, he started to develop fears and he was really scared.  
He was scared he was different from everyone else. He was scared when his mother told him never to tell anyone about his friends in a really urgent voice he never heard before. He was scared he couldn't keep it a secret and someone would find out. He was scared he was the reason his father had left his mom. He was scared if he couldn't be the big brother his unborn sister Natsu would want nor the good son his mother needed. He was scared he would have to quit school, but he was he was even more scared he would lose his friends.

But Kuroko told him, they all did, that they would never leave Hinata, that they would be there for him and they would help him, help his overcome his fears because Hinata was precious to them. As unsure as Hinata was, he wanted to believe them...and he did. Hinata was 12 when he saw his idol, the Small Giant on TV and decided he would dedicate himself to Volleyball. He was 13 when Natsu was born and he swore he would be the best brother he could be. He was 14 when he learned to cook and helped his mom with house chores despite how much he hated cleaning. He was 15 when he went to his first ever volleyball tournament, with the friends he manages to make and convinced to join him. He was 16 when he managed to get into Karasuno, where his idol attended and where he again swore he would defeat his rival Kageyama Tobio. 16 and his friends were still with him, as promised, they did not abandon him and Hinata couldn't be any happier. Before then, he started to realize why his mother had told him to keep his friends a secret but he would not abandon them like his mom had asked before. The only thing he could do was keep his friends a secret from everyone else, his future friends and teammates....Hinata felt he could do this ...right?

Hinata pushed his uncertainties in the back of his mind, he runs to the door but not before he gives his goodbye kisses to his mom and Natsu. He moves to his bike and gets ready to put the pedal to the metal ( which is actually worn down plastic) But before he was off, he turned back and waved with a wide smile on his lips.  
"Bye, Kuroko, Akashi, Aomine, Midorima, Murasakibara, oh and Kise! Wish me luck!"  
He was already off when the others waved off, giving their own goodbyes.  
Aomine: "Bye shrimp!"  
Kise: "How come Hinacchi said my name like a second thought?!"＼(;´□｀)/  
Akashi: " Maybe you're his least favorite?"  
Kise: Akashicchi?!"(T∆T)  
Midorima: " Hn. You know he is teasing. Anyways, I am worried if he will be ok (not that I care*tsundere*)"  
Murasakibara: "Bye Hina-chan....ne, do you think he will bring me back some snacks?"  
Midorima: "....."  
As the others talked among themselves, Kuroko waved silently, watching Hinata's figure disappear before letting his arm fall to his side. Hinata was stronger now but he was still not completely comfortable with letting him go alone. He wasn't the only one thinking the same thing.  
Murasakibara: "Can't we go with him?"  
Kise: " Yes! Can't we go? I'm too scared to let him go alone what if something happens?!"  
Kise starts ranting about possible scenarios which make him increasingly more distressed but Aomine managed to shut him up.  
"You know we can't do that idiot, we promise Hinata that we would not cause him trouble."  
"Aomine is right, plus Hinata needs to learn more bit independence, we can't keep sheltering him and he knows that."  
Akashi's words were blunt but everyone knew the underlining meaning that he cared for Hinata and wanted the best for him. Kise knew this and became slightly less dejected.  
"I know but....I mean we are..."  
"We are going to respect Hinata's wishes and that's the end of that Kise."  
Kise looked over at Midorima wanting to say something but ultimately remained silent. Kuroko just looked off to where Hinata left and thought it would be better to ignore his worries and focus on something else.  
"It's better if we stay like this, if you went Kise, you'd probably get Hinata in trouble."  
"Kurokocchi?!" (Ｔ▽Ｔ)  
That seemed like the end of it but there was still worries feeling something is bound to happen knowing how Hinata is........speaking of. . .

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"  
Hinata's eyes were wide like saucers, how did it come to this??? His rival that he swore to defeat, going to the same school as him?! How was he suppose to fight against him if he was one of his teammates?!


	2. Pills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata manages to survive the first day of school but with a big dilemma concerning his new teammate. He tells the others about this and he prays that his dreams at Karasuno do not end up crashing down on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the title suggest there will be a mention of pills but nothing serious but just a forewarning. I will have the story loosely follow Haikyuu (and i might speed up some of those parts to not bore you) but I will make some alterations.

Hinata could see the ironic turn of events as a joke but he couldn't laugh because he feels his dream slipping away... no. He will make his dream come true, he came here to be like his idol and he will do it...even....even if it means working together with Kageyama Tobio. Still, he knows getting heated up into a competition wasn't the best idea...Especially when he indirectly hit the principal with the ball, causing his hair *coughwigcough* to fly off onto the captain's head.... He blames part of that against Kageyama. At least now, they promised to set aside their arguing and work together so they could get back into the team. Hinata was not expecting to get kicked out in less than a day from signing up but there he was, challenging his senpais and future teammates, with his rival no less, in a game to show they could work together. He shivered in fear thinking about the talk Akashi would give him after he finds out....stupid Bakageyama.

"So, you didn't break anything did you?"  
When Hinata came back from school that night, he managed to convince the others that things went smoothly....probably. Besides Midorima and Akashi who seemed to be interrogating him, Kise hugged Hinata, just happy he came back in one piece and Murasakibara pet HInata's hair, asking about any snacks he brought (which he did not). Kuroko knows Hinata well enough but decided it wasn't something serious enough to force out of him so he told Hinata there was vanilla ice cream in the fridge. Aomine seemed content with his response and threw a basketball in Hinata's direction, signaling for a game (dragging along Kuroko) and a reason for Hinata to avoid further questioning from the others. After a couple hoops, Hinata decided to spill the beans and that was, of course, a mistake on Hinata's part.  
"PFFT-HAHAHAHA-!"  
"Shut up Aomine!"  
Hinata tried to hush Aomine which only made him laugh harder when he looked over to Hinata's flustered face.  
"I can't believe you got kicked out on your first day!"  
"I did not! Well, not really....but there will be a 3-on-3 game so I'll I have to do is win!"  
"Wow~ so confident"  
Kuroko was on the bench watching them play but he managed to silently walked over to Aomine and jab him in the ribs before Aomine even realized.  
"Ouch! Tetsu what the hell man?!"  
"Language Aomine."  
Aomine rubbed his wound but reluctantly stopped his teasing (he still chuckled about it though).  
"So, will you be staying up late practicing?"  
Hinata's pount turned into a confident smile, nodding. Aomine took a while before replying,  
"Still, I think you should've joined basketball, you have the skill for it (I mean I taught you so of course, you learned from the best)"  
Hinata looked down at the basketball in his hands, sure he liked Basketball well enough and he thought about it before.  
"Hmm I like basketball but it wouldn't feel right...yea, I want to prove I am strong enough to spike past tall blockers."  
Hinata tosses the ball back to Aomine and rants on about how amazing spiking the ball is using expressive gestures and various onomatopoeia words like "pwahh!".  
"Plus, I still have to beat Kageyama!"  
Aomine and Kuroko shared a look, silently having a conversation  
'Ya, it would be weird if Hinata wasn't playing volleyball'  
Aomine thought as he glanced back to Hinata.  
"Well, you are teammates now so you need to work together like you promised your captain."  
Hinata turned to Kuroko, wanting to respond but Aomine cut him off by throwing the ball back to Hinata and loosening his shirt.  
"Here, one more game before we head inside."  
Aomine said before signaling Kuroko to join in but before Hinata could join, someone taller took the basketball from Hinata's hands and placed their chin on top of Hinata's head.  
"You guys are having fun."  
Hinata couldn't turn around with Murasakibara's head on top of his but he knew it was Midorima's voice.  
"I see, and you had quite an interesting first day, right?"  
Hinata became flustered again by Akashi's remark but the others moved towards the court and split into teams while Hinata tried to calm himself.  
"Come on Hinacchi!"  
Kise was already dragging Hinata towards the middle of the court and Hinata smiled and let himself be pulled.

They called it a day and Hinata went inside only to be headbutt in the stomach by a smaller body.  
"Nii-chan, Nii-chan, how was school??"  
Hinata rubbed his sore stomach before lifting his little sister and told her a small gist of it. Natsu listened to him while Hinata's mom walked over to the front to greet Hinata.  
"Were you playing basketball with them?"  
Natsu asked innocently but Hinata could see his Mother's face crunch a bit. Hinata gave a hesitant nod and set her down so he could go bathe. Natsu, oblivious to the atmosphere, runs out of the room shouting she will be the best basketball player. Hinata felt a bit unnerved, now alone in the room with his mom. Their relationship had gotten shaky over the years but his mother still loved him, even if she isn't completely used to Hinata's friends....still....  
"Make sure you get a good night. Don't forget to take your pills."  
His mother kissed his forehead before walking the other room. Hinata did not reply and just continued to walk towards the bathroom.  
After he got out, Hinata cleaned himself off and slowly opened his bag where his pills were....

Hinata walked over to the fridge and chugged a glass jar of milk.  
"You should probably slow down, you're going to choke."  
Kuroko stood next to Hinata by the cabinets while Hinata finally stopped drinking and threw the bottle away. They didn't say anything because Hinata could already hear what Kuroko was going to say next.  
'You should probably take your pills.'  
Hinata's face scrunches at the thought of taking those pills, his mother told him they would help him but all it did was make Hinata feel sick and sleepy. Kuroko watches Hinata's expression and reaches out to push the bangs away from HInata's forehead.  
"Was school fun?"  
Hinata turns to Kuroko, confused eyes meeting deadpan steel blue eyes. Hinata thought his question came out of nowhere but he was glad he hadn't said what he initially thought. He nodded and told him he was going to get up early for practice tomorrow.  
"You should probably go to sleep then."  
Hinata nodded and felt Kuroko's fingers lightly touch Hinata's orange locks before the sensation disappeared. Hinata walks back to his room and took a look back the pill bottle he left on top his drawer before opening the bottle and taking one pill out. Hesitantly, he brought it to his mouth and quickly reached for his water bottle nearby. He felt the pill go down his throat, most certain one day it'll choke him but as usual, it would go down his esophagus and disappear. He felt his head spin and without caring about anything else, Hinata crashed to his bed and blacked out.

4 A.M. and Hinata felt a ghostly hand nudge him, he turned to his side trying to ignore the sensation but he was already sleeping on the edge of the bed and now ended up on the floor with a soft thud, cushioned by the cocoon of blankets Hinata created. His room was small but pretty clean so Hinata did not land too painfully. Still, Hinata grunted due to the impact but managed to untangle himself and get up. Yawning, he went to the restroom, cleans up and gets dressed. He was in the kitchen making breakfast (and his lunch) when he heard Natsu's tiny footsteps grow louder until he sees her crazy bed hair sticking everywhere, her hands rubbing her eyes.  
"Nii-chan?"  
Hinata tells her to go back to sleep.  
"I'll leave your breakfast on the table so you can eat it when you get up okay?"  
Natsu nodded before disappearing in the doorway; after a while, she came back with a small yellow cloth covered in animal designs.  
"Here! Use this for your bento!"  
Hinata sweat dropped a bit, thinking how embarrassing it would be if someone saw his bento covered in such a girly cloth....but he couldn't refuse Natsu and it was a cute design so Hinata gladly accepted it and nudged her back to her room. Hinata got his stuff ready and left a note on the table along with food covered to keep it warm longer until his mom and sis were up.  
"Oha Asa says that soon a Cancer will clash with a Libra so, today, make sure to have something yellow."  
Hinata nodded, knowing Midorima's horoscope was usually accurate. He wasn't sure who he meant but he remembered Natsu's yellow cloth.  
"Alright, Thanks."  
Hinata waves and gets on his bike.  
"I'm off!"  
Hinata whisper-shouted and pedals off in the isolated neighborhood, daylight just barely breaking out in the sky.

 

As usual, Hinata got into another argument with Kageyama but now Stingyama was refusing to toss to him!! Hinata was so upset so his senpai, Suga, offered to toss to him during lunch. Hinata felt like he lost somehow but he appreciated the extra practice. He liked Suga more than Kageyama because he wouldn't yell at him and offered small corrections to his position in order to make better receives. Hinata struggled but he felt he was making progress although...  
"Ugh, I want to spike soon!!!"  
"Hinata?"  
Hinata didn't hear Suga after the first couple repeats but eventually, he straightens up and apologizes  
"Y-yes?"  
Suga gave him a small smile (silently telling him it's okay) and then looked back at him.  
"I don't mind helping you get extra practice during lunch but aren't you hungry?"  
Suga had his hand on his hip with a small smile on his face, waiting for Hinata's response. Hinata was a little nervous about saying why, if he had to eat that would mean taking those pills he hated but he would hate more for someone to see that.  
" 'm not hungry."  
He could see Suga's smile falter and his eyebrows scrunch worried. he looked like he wanted to ask further but Hinata tried to smile and evade his question.  
"Plus I want to get more practice so that Bakageyama would toss to me."  
It seemed to work because Suga laughed and got in a position similar to Hinata.  
"Okay then, just a couple more receives before your next class. "  
Hinata thanked Suga and did his best to receive better. After Suga and Hinata split ways, Hinata rushed into the bathroom and took out his pills, he managed to eat a bit before forcing himself to take the pills. He felt the dizziness begin so he turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on his face. After he felt the dizziness subside, Hinata walked out only to bump into Kageyama.  
"omph! AH!"  
Kageyama dismissed Hinata's yell and instead told him to meet him in the park for practice before he walked away to class. Hinata was confused before he smiled at the prospect of extra practice.

The sky turned purplish blue as the sun descends and the park becomes less populated. Hinata was struggling to see the ball because of the darkness but he refused to stop as long as Kageyama would still send him the ball. They bicker and the volleyball ends up on the tree, so Hinata climbs up with a stick trying to unsnag the ball. He made the mistake to call Kageyama the King but instead of getting his head ripped off, Kageyama silently walked away now that he had the ball in his hands. Hinata didn't understand why he was so upset about such a cool nickname. Hinata was in deep thought as he put on his backpack, knowing he would have to go home soon...As Kageyama send the ball his way, he pushes his thoughts and hands up to receive....only to have another hand appear out of nowhere and get the ball before it could land on Hinata's. Angrily, Hinata turns to see a taller guy with blonde hair and headphones; there was a shorter boy next to him with green hair and freckles but Hinata was busy trying to burn holes into the blonde with his eyes, especially after he opened his mouth and spewed teasing remarks that didn't sit well with Hinata. Kageyama was especially not pleased to have this guy call him king and explain to Hinata why Kageyama had such a nickname. Hinata thought Kageyama was going to get aggressive but instead, he turned away trying to ignore the blonde the other guy (who the blonde addressed as Yamaguchi) called Tsukki. Hinata wasn't exactly friends with Kageyama yet but the remarks 'Tsukki' was saying had upset Kageyama and that wasn't sitting well with Hinata...plus, he hated being ignored. So, Hinata jumped as high as he could in order to reach the ball from the blonde's grasp, catching his attention and thankfully, silencing him. Hinata was able to get the ball but he could hear the rattle of his pills make a noise so when he landed back to the ground, he felt sweat break out. 'Tsukki' was silent for a while but Hinata refused to look at him; Kageyama and 'Yamaguchi' seemed unaware but just taken aback that Hinata had jumped. Hinata tried to make it less suspicious by proceeding like nothing happened and challenging 'Tsukki' head on. It seemed to irritate him and Hinata felt relief that he didn't look suspicious. Hinata turned away and caught a glance of something in the distance.....or..... Hinata's eyes widen and quickly turned to tell Kageyama he had to go before he ran in the direction of the figures, not pausing to hear Kageyama's response.

"Hinatacchi!~ We thought we'd pick you up since Midorima thought you'd end up in a fight."  
Midorima tries to deny Kise's remark and tried to give an explanation about his horoscope and how late it was. Aomine continued the teasing and laughed about how 'That blonde's face was priceless'.  
"Hmph. I don't trust that guy, he is probably that Libera."  
Akashi ignored them and turned to Hinata asking if he had done anything to Hinata, a threatening smile on his face. Hinata nervously told him nothing happened and tried to change the subject by offering Murasakibara the rest of his untouched food to which Murasakibara drooled and nodded. Hinata turned to talk to Kuroko when Murasakibara picked Hinata up and put him on his shoulders. Accustomed to this, Hinata took a second to adjust himself in order to not fall and resumed talking to Kuroko.  
"Kuroko was the one the most worries rig--ouch!"  
Kuroko ignored Aomine and looked back up to Hinata.  
"Are those the guys you have to compete against?"  
Hinata nodded and told him what happened. All of them telling Hinata he had better win and teach him a lesson which made Hinata laugh and nodded, a determined smile on his face. Hinata let himself quietly listen to the voices of his friends and the sound of crickets with the gentle breeze brushing against the grass and leaves. Natsu greeted him at home and his mom gave her own greeting and reminders. Hinata made the resolve to practice and practice, determined to get Kageyama to toss to him and determined to win his 3-on-3 game against that guy. His smile didn't leave his face at the thought of winning against him, completely forgetting about the pills. Kuroko had to force him to take his pills and go to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fixed some errors on the last one but (usually, I end up wasting my whole battery and post without proofreading so it won't delete my work) I'll try to proofread from now on but bear with me (^-^;)


	3. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An insight to Hinata's mind, he feels on edge, even more now that it seemed that one member has a close eye on him. He continues to shape his skills and partnership with Kageyama and Kuroko tries to help him but it seems like things are bound to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: ok, time to be productive  
> Laptop: lol nope  
> Me:...whut?  
> Laptop: Nah, I thought I'd fall and refuse to turn on for a while, that cool?  
> Me:...um...how about no?  
> Laptop: Lol too late  
> Me:....welp  
> ...I think I might need to change the rating for this after this chapter....whoops

Hinata was in bed tossing and turning, his eyes twitching under his eyelids and his face sweating profusely. Hinata stands there, in a place surrounded by pure darkness...he feels uncertain and scared, he wants to leave....and then he sees a lighted figure, of someone's back, familiar...growing ever so further away and Hinata panics. He tries to reach towards the person and run but it seems the more he runs the more his feet sink into the darkness like quicksand..no.....come back, don't....  
"Don't leave me alone."  
"Hinata? What's wrong?"  
Hinata opens his eyes and the first thing he is presented with is Kuroko looking down at him close enough that Hinata can feel the ghostly touch of the end of Kuroko's hair tips. Hinata looks back up at Kuroko before looking around, trying to grasp the situation. When he realizes his hands tightly holding onto Kuroko's shirt, he quietly releases his hold on the now wrinkled shirt.  
"Sorry..."  
Kuroko looks unfazed but his gaze softens, watching Hinata turning his head away from him.  
"Another nightmare?"  
Hinata hums in response but neither of them move, so Hinata closes his eyes trying to clear his head and focus on Kuroko's( usually barely detectable) presence which instantly calms him down. After a minute in silence, a noise rips through the silence by the name of Kise.  
Before Kise could say anything, he watches Kuroko move away from Hinata and look directly at him.  
"Kise, you're too loud"  
Kise looked like he wanted to say something except his words were stuck  
'Did I interrupt something?'  
"Kise?"  
Hinata was up on his side supported by one elbow, rubbing his eyes with his other hand almost unsure if Kise was really there. When his eyes readjusted, he looked at Kise silently questioning him what he wanted. Kise took a while before his expression broke into recognition.  
"Ah! That's right!"  
Kise reminds him today is the big day and that he needs to get ready. Hinata felt groggy but complied when Kise completely dragged him our of bed and helped him get ready. Hinata refused to wear makeup like Kise (which Kise said was 'only' a light layer of powder that models use but Hinata digresses) but he let Kise sit him down in a stood and brush his hair which was often very soothing for Hinata. Kise hummed with every brush stroke, untangling and taming most of the bed hair but ultimately failing to tame the natural wild hair. Kise grumbled a bit but continued to brush (adoring Hinata's hair despite its uncooperative nature). Before Kise had Hinata there all day brushing his hair, Kuroko popped in and reminded Hinata he still had to attend school, ignoring Kise's request for a couple more minutes.  
"Ne, Hinatacchi make sure to win okay"  
Hinata looked up to see Kise's face and smile.  
"Right!"  
After escaping Kise's hug (in which he pushed Kise onto Kuroko), he quickly finished cooking and tried to calm his nerves, getting ready for his 3-on-3 match.  
"You do realize you still have to go to class and pay attention."  
Midorima put emphasis in the end while Hinata looked at his sheepishly, secretly knowing that would be next to impossible.  
"Don't worry Midorima, I'm sure Hinata knows his grades are very important even in his volleyball goal, right?"  
Hinata turned to stone and Midorima made a note to have a study session in the future which made Hinata fearful of Akashi's teaching methods (last year he thought he might die if he didn't get a perfect grade on his exams)  
"O-Osu!"  
"That's good to hear."  
Hinata pedaled off faster than normal, expecting a pair of scissors to fly his way. 

Hinata hoped he could finally spike and score the first point but it turned out that stupid Megane Tsukishima was ready and shut him down. Hinata felt that horrible feeling come back every time he was shut down by tall blockers but he wouldn't let Saltyshima win and he persisted. They managed to get some points but it was getting frustrating for Hinata to not spike and Kageyama was trying to think of a way to sync with each other. Eventually, he pulled Hinata off to the side and told him to avoid looking at the ball and try to jump as high as Hinata could....what he didn't expect was Hinata to shut his eyes his close, giving him 100% trust...  
'I mean,,, who does that...and to him...'

Hinata was beyond ecstatic when he finally broke that wall, he felt that dark feeling lift and the weight was almost nonexistent when he was in the air! He had to take one peek...one....cautiously prying one eye open, he was completely taken in by the view. There was no wall but a clear view of the opposite side of the court; he could the opponent's action in slow motion as Daichi jumps for the ball. The perfect lighting gave the scene a surrealistic look but once he descends down and looks down at his palm, he knows. It's not a hallucination; Hinata thinks, he wants to have more moments like this. During the match, everyone can feel everyone getting sucked into the match and the end of the match, it would seem like Kageyama would keep his setter position but also......there was the start of new bonds as teammates and an unlikely duo. Hinata had to respect Kageyama and although initially unbelievable...he thinks he could work well with Kageyama...but first. Hinata turns and walks straight up to Tsukishima (who looks startled and looks away before realizing the direction Hinata was heading). Hinata is in front of him when he holds out his hand while Tsukishima looks from his hand back to Hinata.  
"What?"  
Hinata tells him he has to shake his hand (now that they had their game and are officially teammates). As expected, Tsukishima flat out rejected his hands which annoyed Hinata. He was getting nowhere with Tsukishima so he decided if he wasn't getting his hand by asking, he would just force a handshake out of him. Hinata had jumped several times (dam Tsukishima dodging him) when he basically threw himself at him without thinking; in fear of falling, he unconsciously latched himself of Tsukishima and wrapped his arms around his neck while his legs tightened around his waist. Hinata feels Tsukishima's muscle tense and silently curses his body's reflexes for all the times he had latched onto Murasakibara. Hinata quickly unwrapped himself from Tsukishima and while the boy was still frozen in place, Hinata shook his hand without any more resistance and walked off like nothing. He was glad to the manager, Shimizu-sempai for bringing the box of jackets and offering a distraction (even though he feels a pair of eyes, more obvious than before, on him). Tanaka was too distracted with getting the attention of Shimizu that he was unaware of what just transpired so he chatted to Hinata about the jackets. Hinata's attention was immediately on the jackets and quickly put it on. He moved around in awe and felt the thought of being in a team solidify. He didn't cry like he thought he would but he couldn't be happier. Another thing that had happened was the advisor, Takeda-sensei, announced a practice match between Karasuno and Aobajousai. Hinata wasn't sure why they wanted Kageyama as the setter the whole time but he knew he was looking forward to doing that quick spike again.

On his trip home, he rides past the public basketball court where he remembers his friends broke apart. He stops and places his bike to lean on the fence surrounding the court. He stands by the entrance and recalls the memory like it was being projected right in front of him. Hinata remembers they would always meet here to play basketball together around the same time but during that time Aomine was always late....They stood they for a while until Aomine finally arrived, very late. Hinata remembered he was kept up by his parent's shouting and woke up late, he happened to feel weak that day but didn't let that stop him from going out to meet his friends. He had arrived right after Aomine had but moved next to one of the trees (no longer there) while he caught his breath. From the close proximity, he remember faintly hearing in on their conversation   
"Where were you Aomine?"  
Aomine ignored Akashi's question and yawned before looking at them  
"Why do you guys care? Every day it's the same game over and over, aren't you tired? I mean it's not like we can play with anyone el--"  
"Aomine, I suggest you watch your tone."  
Aomine tsked at Akashi and mumbled something before walking away despite Kuroko's pleads. Things went downhill.  
"He's right."  
Everyone looked over at Murasakibara who had been previously quietly eating,  
"Murasakibara, I suggest you don't start too."  
Murasakibara didn't say anything before finishing his chips  
"It's not like I have to keep listening to you."  
"Murasakibara.....are you trying to defy me?"  
Akashi moved up to Murasakibara and even though he was shorter in comparison, his glare was threatening enough to make anyone cower...although, it seemed this time was different and Murasakibara stood his ground. Hinata looked over at Midorima who remained silent and felt an urge to stop this but he felt rooted to the ground.  
"I am stronger than you"  
Murasakibara challenged Akashi into a basketball game and much to Hinata's surprise, Akashi, one of the best basketball players Hinata knew, was actually losing by a landslide. It wasn't because he was going easy on Murasakibara, Hinata knew...it was strange to see that happen and Murasakibara, who was usually very docile, was on the attack. He could see Akashi out of breath but he could tell his face was contorted in angry frustration...and then it happened, he snapped too.....After that, it seemed like the whole thing crumbled. Akashi regained his reign as a strong opponent and crushed Murasakibara almost instantly but...it was different, more oppressive. Hinata felt himself wanting to retreat, it felt strange and the person he was looking at did not feel like Akashi, except it was...he didn't know if that golden eye was his imagination. Hinata didn't want to see anymore and the feeling radiating from there was too much for him, he felt sick. He ran to his room and locked himself in. He wrapped himself in his blankets and sat in the corner of his room. he held his arms to his ears and tried to shut everything out all the noises, the voices, the world. He didn't know how long he was like that but he remembered waking up one particular day at dawn and felt an urge to leave. He sneaked out the front door when he no longer heard his parents shouting and he walked around, going nowhere in particular. He tried to clear his head but he has not eaten for a while and he barely had the energy to stand. He walked around until the sun rose up and people started to emerge out of their homes....Hinata did not want to run into anyone, especially in his state.  
When Hinata made it home, things weren't any better. He heard his mother yelling and crying in pleads.  
"No Don't Go! Please!"  
He could see his Father walked away with a suitcase and he didn't have to be smart to know it meant his father was going to be gone for a long time.   
"Stop! Are you really just going to leave me by myself? What about your unborn child? What about Hinata?!He's sick, he needs you!"  
His father seemed to flinch at the mention of Hinata's name and Hinata really didn't want to hear this anymore...... He couldn't move to stop anyone from leaving....he felt like so useless. He turned and ran far away, he didn't know where but he ran and kept on running until he legs finally did give out and he had to crawl to hide away from prying eyes. He felt his chest hammering and he felt everything rise to his throat. He threw up, but seeing as he ate nothing, everything that came back up was fluids and tears that burst from his eyes. He was a mess and he began to develop fears, he feared everything but most of all he fears the loneliness he felt that moment where he was left alone....please....  
"..I'm....I'm sorry I'm sick....that I'm not normal....I'm sorry Mom....Dad....don't leave....don't leave me alone....Tetsuya...."  
"Hinata?Hinata!"  
Hinata could not see anything, everything was distorted and his vision felt momentarily lost but he could feel something familiar...he felt something rub his eyes and when everything was clearer he could see shades of blue...the colors swirling around became features of light blue hair and steel blue eyes....  
"Kuro..ko...?"  
Hinata had a hard time to make sense of anything at this point but he could feel arms wrap around him and this soft voice full of concern and sadness hush him.  
"shhh, It's okay Hinata...."  
Hinata felt more tears start to replace the old ones and he clung to this only piece of warmth he had left...  
"I....it's not.......you guys....dad......I....."  
"It's not your fault Hinata, you did nothing wrong"  
"I.....I'm....sick...I...I'm sick Kuroko....this....right now..."  
"No, you're not sick, you're just you......Shouyou, you have nothing to blame yourself for..."  
"Kuroko--Hinata?!"  
"Hinatacchi?!"  
"...Hina-chan..."  
Hinata barely moved his head up, he saw different colors swirl around through his tears, he saw green, yellow, purple, dark blue and red....Hinata didn't think of anything else and cry harder, feeling more weight surround him...  
Hinata clung harder and he ignored the rain falling on his shoulders on this sunny day....   
Hinata had passed out after that when he woke up, he was in a stranger's house. This nice old lady and her grandson had found Hinata and took care of the wounds he had gotten from his fall. TThey offered Hinata food which he kindly accepted and he felt a sense of normalcy for the first time in a very long while. He knew he had to leave and return home no matter what. Hinata thanked them and made sure to repay them in the near future. The more he was nearing his house, the more constricted his heartfelt and he struggled to continue walking but he felt a hand grasp his own and it eased his breathing... he felt a hand grasp his other, a hand on his shoulders and two on his head...soon, he felt he could breathe and he didn't feel as weak. When he got home, his mother was in tears and hysterical. She saw Hinata and slapped him before pulling him close in a tight hug like he might disappear again. Hinata still doesn't know the reason behind that slap, because he made his father leave or because he left himself....he thinks it was both. Hinata's friends had gotten back together but it took a long time for them to go back to how they were as friends. It took a while to get used to Akashi's alter ego as they'll all joked before they saw Akashi's eye gleam deadly golden. 

Hinata felt the rush of those feelings but not as strongly, he tries not to look at these memories in sadness but just as something he overcame... he walks back to his bike takes one last look  
"Is this where you've been?"  
Hinata turns to see his friends and smiles before walking home with them, each on holding onto Hinata like that time but now they were laughing together and everything was right at that moment....

 

Hinata thinks it was a bad idea inviting Kuroko and the others to his practice match.  
"Really ?! We can go Hinatacchi?!"  
Hinata tried to pry Kise off while Midorima pondered   
"I don't know if we should.."  
"Come on Midorima, don't be a stick in the mud. Either way, you'd probably just stalk Hinata and watch the game from a distance right?"  
Midorima argued with Aomine about his comment while Murasakibara watched, munching on chips.  
"Will they be selling snacks there?"  
Akashi ignored him and turned to Hinata.  
"Well then, Should we expect an outstanding performance?"  
Hinata turned to stone at that moment, thinking about Daichi's words, he turned into an overheating robot repeating the same broken line  
"I'll d-do they best I can to be the best D-decoy!"  
"Well I hope so"  
"Akashi..."  
Kuroko knew Akashi's teasing was going to break Hinata but now he's worried if Hinata could even walk to his room without tripping....  
It was already bad enough to loose sleep right before a match even if it was a practice match... even without taking his pills, he felt his stomach turned at every bump along the way on that bus....he couldn't really hear what Tanaka said, he was so focused on opening that window next to him to get some fresh air but it didn't seem like his stomach was going to wait that long....sorry, Tanaka's pants.  
After that incident, Hinata managed to survive the rest of the trip (apologizing profusely to Tanaka, now in shorts, who told him it was fine). Hinata's stomach wouldn't calm down but he had no more throw up incidents. Hinata can feel the expectations of the others to be the best decoy he can be and every time they tell him( not really but Hinata interprets it as such), a part of Hinata breaks. This had happened until Shimizu-sempai gave the final blow and Hinata was left a mess. He didn't mean to mess this bad, trying to save every ball, almost knocking the referee out. Hinata could see Kuroko and the others in the others in the audience facepalming and he felt like he needed this to count. It was his turn to serve the ball but in his concentration, the whistle blew and completely messed up his focus... In almost slow motion, Hinata accidently lets the ball fly and in trying to cover for himself, he hits it...straight into Kageyama's head...........Hinata blocks out the laughter around him and feels his grave is ready for him...Hinata had developed a new fear. Kageyama walks straight towards Hinata without stopping, he feels the dread build in the pit of his stomach and when he is trapped, he feels the soul is sucked right out of him the minute Kageyama makes eye contact with him...Bam.Bam. He hears the repeat of Kageyama slapping the back of his head and it echoes in his mind....Never had he heard something so terrifying he could only nod to Kageyama's words. When the incident is over, Hinata surprisingly does better, his nerves were scared right out of him and he thinks they have a winning shot until he came....Oikawa Tooru, Grand King. The Grand King was Kageyama's senpai and a very popular guy with the ladies. This made Hinata fear and hate him a little but his serves gave a definitive to that. They were powerful like you would expect from a Grand King but they were menacing, locking on Tsukishima pointing him out as a weak spot. He was not friends with Tsukishima by no means, he can barely stand Saltyshima (with that stare he gives him trying to uncover Hinata's deepest secrets) but, Hinata knows they are teammates and he doesn't enjoy seeing Tsukishima struggle with Gand King's serves as much as he thought he would....plus, he always said so, he hates being ignored. Hinata makes his presence known and he does what he can to shit Grand King's attention to himself. Tsukishima is still the main target but Hinata knows to trust his team and as he thought, his captain was able to help them pull through. They manage to stay afloat and at the end of the match, Karasuno's match point, Kageyama, and Hinata pull their ace card and do their quick. Hinata wants to engrave this into the Grand king as if to say  
'Do not underestimate (ignore) me'  
Their eyes locked for that moment and Oikawa was forced down, paralyzed and partially mesmerized but what he witnessed. He hated his genius of a kohai but it seemed there was a crow trying to overthrow him. He felt the ball zoom right past his brown chocolate hair and he heard the whistle but he felt like he was still under a spell. Hinata felt a bit overwhelmed but this was what he liked to say was his first victory... and boy, was it sweeter than honey or any of Murasakibara's sweet.

Hinata was on his way to the restroom when he accidently intruded in Kageyama's conversation with his old teammate, turnip head. He watched as Kageyama finished and walked next to him  
"Did you cry?"  
Hinata joked watching Kageyama yell back in embarrassment  
"Weren't you going to the restroom?"  
Hinata made a surprised 'O' with his mouth  
"Oh right! I'll meet you in the bus!"  
Hinata managed to be the only one in the restroom when he rummaged through his bag and takes his meds...he really wishes he could find a reason to not take them but he knows his mother would be upset if he ever refused.   
"I don't think these work anyways, they're just a pain"  
Hinata grumbled before downing a pill with water and turning on the faucet, trying to wash his dizziness away. After a moment he feels like he can walk normally again and moves to walk out. Right when he walks out he crashes with somebody and falls straight to the ground.   
"Woah! I didn't think I slammed into you that hard chibi-chan, you ok?"  
Hinata takes a moment to readjust his eyes only to see it was Grand King and now he feels like he needs a reason to not just run away.  
"Grand King?!"  
Hinata didn't know what to do and he sat there on the floor looking at Oikawa's hand (which he offered to pick him up) like an idiot.  
"Do you plan to sit there all day Chibi-chan?"  
Oikawa said teasingly which snapped Hinata out of his trance   
"O-oh..right.."  
Hinata takes his hand and stands up, it's a bit of a struggle since he feels the effect of the pills making him weaker. When he is up, he dusts himself off and readjusts his bag, using it as a sort of wall between him and Oikawa. Oikawa just seems to stare at him and Hinata isn't really sure why but he instinctively brings his hands up.  
"W-what? Wanna fight?"  
Oikawa just raises and eyebrow and tilts his head, his smile growing from amusement but before he can respond, another voice interrupts.  
"Hinata! Oi Dumbass!"  
Hinata can hear Kageyama's voice growing near so he takes this as a chance to leave, one quick goodbye and thanks and he zoomed right out of there hoping he won't have to face Grand King alone again, only...  
Once Hinata was gone, Oikawa looks down, spotting a pill bottle. Curiously, he picks the bottle up to further exam it and his smile grows bigger knowing the owner of these pills...so there really was something so interesting about Hinata Shouyou. Something more than what meets the eye.  
'NO NO NO!'  
Hinata rummages through his bag but he can't seem to find his pill bottle, he knew he had when he was in the restroom but he must have dropped it when he bumped into the Grand King....don't panic....dont't panic...Hinata was freaking out but he tried so hard not to show it.  
"What's wrong? Loose anything?"  
Hinata looked up to face Tsukishima looking right at him. Everyone seemed to have fallen asleep during the time Hinata was panicking inside but of course, Tsukishima had to be the only one awake to see him like this. Hinata bit the inside of his lip and gripped his back in fists.  
"N-no, why?"  
Tsukishima just stared at him, evaluating Hinata's troubled look before humming a reply, turning around and placing his headphones over his ears.  
"No reason."  
Hinata was thankful he was no longer looking directly at him but he still felt the panic rise in him.  
This was not good. This is really bad. Hinata felt a hand over his and knowing exactly who it was, he gripped onto it like he had before, he leaned towards that welcoming comfort and tried to close his eyes and calm down...  
'What should I do Kuroko?'  
Hinata thought and Kuroko could only stand there next to him, supplying him with the comfort he needs.  
'This might be a problem'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, it might be a tad late but I am glad I was able to squeeze this in. Anyways I should probably tell you that some parts might be confusing because I like to confuse others and something to note is that you shouldn't always trust the narration.....


	4. Delusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata feels the effects of his pills wear off and he experiences the abnormalities from his reality. Meanwhile, new teammates are presented and Hinata has to wait and struggle until he can go find his pills in order to keep secrecy.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have started late because of some things I had to get done so I really am ready to pass out by the end of this chapter (and you can see), still, I hope it's enjoyable (^o^)/

It really was a problem for Kuroko and the others. They were at a standstill if they should follow Hinata to school to make sure he was alright but decisions were split. While Kuroko, Kise, and Aomine wanted to go; Akashi, Midorima, and Murasakubara decided it was better to stay behind.  
"What do you mean we shouldn't go? Hinacchi needs our help!"  
"Ya, you know how bad Shouyou--"  
Midori turns to Aomine ready to explain but Akashi beats him to it.  
"We all know that perfectly well which means it's better for us to not get involved and make it worse."  
"What if he gets another panic attack?"  
Everyone was silenced by Kuroko's words. Eventually, Midorima readjusts his glasses and clears his voice  
"We already did a vote--"  
"That's bull, it's a tie and besides Murasakibara always agrees with Akashi."  
"Aomine--"  
"I'm worried about Hina-chan too."  
It was one of those rare moments where Murasakibara became uncharacteristically serious about something outside the court, he wasn't eating anymore but looking down at his half empty bag. Akashi was evaluating the situation, the pros and con and everything else until he was adamant about the final decision.

During this time, Hinata was on the court back in Karasuno, trying to avoid direct eye contact with everything and anything. He was sure he could do without the pills, in fact, he was sure he would do better without them but he felt the uncertainty set in soon after his self-reassurance. It hadn't set in, he was surprised to meet Karasuno's libero and when he saw the shorter man, the revelation of finding someone shorter than him just slipped out of his mouth. Nishinoya ( as he heard was his name) was upset by the comment but he was a very cool guy and he had this amazing skill that made even Kageyama speechless. Everyone was overjoyed that Nishinoya was back, but when he asked about their missing ace, Asahi, it seemed like the celebration was cut short. Hinata was curious, but Tanaka didn't say much about Asahi besides his appearance and skill. Although he did give him some advice about calling Nishinoya senpai (telling him he could probably get some free ice cream). Hinata wanted to see the skill of an ace up close but first, it seemed like they needed to get the ace to join volleyball again (thus getting Nishinoya). Hinata was hoping he would be able to do meet the ace but he felt something was off about him.   
As the day dragged on, Hinata feels the effects of not taking his meds. Hinata felt himself get lost in thought and he kept hearing things. He began to notice this when he was hanging out with his classmates and some of what they said didn't sound right. He remembers they were talking about the best sweet snack before they would cut themselves off and say unsettling things  
"You're sick."  
Hinata paled at that.  
"W-what..."  
"I said no one can beat chocolate, it's a classic."  
"o-oh...um ya...it's super yummy right?!"  
"No way man--You're disgusting."  
Hinata can feel his heart constrict at that.  
"W-what do you mean..?"  
"Hm? I mean it has to be ice cream. "  
"R-right.."  
Hinata can hear them laugh, although it was an airy, light laugh, it felt like harsh and judgemental.  
"You okay Hinata? Too distracted thinking about volleyball? Make sure you don't let the teacher see you so distracted or else."  
They seemed to snicker about the times the teacher put Hinata in the spotlight but when Hinata looked up to them, he immediately regrets that. Their faces were starting to look distorted and some of them didn't even have features...Hinata felt queazy and quickly excused himself. Taken as a normal occurrence, the others think nothing of it, just a few eyes looking over to Hinata before rejoining the conversation.  
"There he goes."

As Hinata was walking towards the bathroom, he could hear all the voices follow him, he walks faster but that only seem to make the voices increase...he hears them all at the same time and he finds it hard to decipher what they all say but he did know.  
"Useless."  
"Scardy-cat"  
"Weird"  
Sick"  
Hinata closed his eyes and walked just fast enough that wasn't yet a full bolt down the hall. He was expecting to bump into someone at this speed but he dismissed the apology and continued charging forward. He was able to make it to the bathroom when he hit the wall and slipped down to the floor on his back. Hinata began to cough and hack from the lack of oxygen properly entering his system during that sprint. He was not an easily exhausted but he felt his body had stopped breathing during that ordeal and is now trying to replenish that oxygen it wasn't receiving (in big gulps) while his stomach is simultaneously having the urge to throw up everything. Hinata pushed down the sensation and focused on his breathing until he had enough to get up and look in the mirror. He was sweating too much but he was worried if he could last like this all day. He didn't realize how bad the consequences were and he hates how reliant he's gotten on this pills but he knows he had relied on someone else just as much. He turns on the faucet and jumps so he can lean his face under it. He stays there for a good 30 seconds before he takes a breath and wipes himself off. He stares at his reflection in the mirror but before any illusions start to pop up, he slaps his cheeks with both hands and tries his best smile in the mirror. He had one more class before he could leave for practice and he would just have to survive practice, go to bed and repeat. He knows he needs to find his pills as soon as possible or risk getting new ones. The thought of what his mom would say made him on edge from the thought alone. He needed to avoid that if possible but first, he would need to survive today.

"....you look like shit."  
Hinata decided to ignore Aomine, he knew he wasn't exactly presentable after getting distracted enough to have a volleyball slam into his face and hit him straight in the nose. He took the tissue out of his nose before going to a nearby trash bin to dispose of them, he turned back to the others. They were not distorted and he realized that thankfully, the voices seem to subside and give him a break.   
"Are you okay Hinata?"  
Kuroko stood near Hinata and place a cold hand over Hinata's forehead. Hinata welcomed the cool sensation and looked up at Kuroko with a tired smile.  
"Feel like crap actually, I think I'm hallucinating."  
Kuroko's expressions were hard to detect but Hinata knew him long enough to notice the slight changes in his features like his eyebrows, giving a tiny crease between them.  
"...Why are you guys here?"  
He felt the small twitch of Kuroko's hand but from just behind him, it was Akashi who replied,  
"We came to check if you need help, seeing as you don't have your pills."  
".....well?"  
Akashi chuckled a bit at Hinata's response.  
"It looks like you might need some help."  
"...Just a little bit."  
Hinata gave a nervous laugh when Kuroko flicked him in the forehead.  
"Ouch.."  
Hinata rubbed his forehead. He watched Kuroko walk away and moves to unlock his bike.  
"What are you doing?"  
Hinata paused in the middle of getting on his bike when Midorima was looking at him bewildered  
".um...going home...?"  
"Not in a bike Hinacchi! You look like you can barely stand without passing out!"  
Kise yelled as he rushed over to Hinata and tried to take the bike from HInata's grasp.  
"Eh? How am I going home then? "  
"Walking."  
Kise had already taken the bike away while Hinata looks over at the others exasperated.   
"Walking?"  
"Walking."  
Midorima's glasses glint after readjustment and Hinata took it as a hint to not argue further (especially in the presence of Akashi.) He threw his hands in the air in defeat.  
"Ok--!!!"  
Hinata didn't detect Murasakibara when he was behind Hinata and grabbed a hold of him. Hinata was too surprised to do anything when Murasakibara put him on his shoulders and began to walk on the road Hinata would take home. Hinata let himself be carried all the way home after he knew none of his protest got through to Murasakibara.  
"Hahaha, best suck it up and let us walk you home."  
"Aomine that isn't very romantic."  
"What?! No that's not--"  
"*fake gasp*Aominecchi?! Is that what you planned all along?!"  
"Shut up Kise! I didn't mean it like that okay?"  
"I'm sure you didn't"  
"I didn't Midorima, you're the one who wanted to watch Hinata from afar."  
"T-that has nothing to do with--"  
"Well well, it looks like you can't trust anyone these days"  
"Akashi?!"  
"Hina-chan, Aomine, and Midorima are up to something"  
"I am not!" *said simultaneously*  
"Looks like they are working together"  
"Oi Testu--!"  
"Well, I'm Hinacchi's favorite, right Hinacchi?"  
"....you say something?"  
"Hinacchi?! (T^T)"  
Hinata was lost in thought while the others argued...he felt better when he was with them but he had difficulty focusing...He leaned forward so that his chin rested on Murasakibara's head, closing his eyes. Murasakibara didn't say anything, silently munching on his snacks, watching the others debate about who was Hinata's favorite.

 

"..inata?Hin....? Hinata?"  
Hinata snapped out his daze when he felt a hand grasp his wrist, he looked at Suga's worried face before looking down to see his arm which had several scratch mark from him mindlessly scratching himself. He had learned to ignore the distortions that would happen but Hinata felt his mind drift off frequently, almost lost within himself. When Suga thought it was safe enough, he pulled Hinata off to the side and luckily no one was there to see since they were the first ones to set everything up while the others got changed. Suga checked to see that Hinata didn't pierce the skin but fortunately, it seemed like all Hinata did was leave a few red marks.  
"Hinata are you alright? You seemed more spaced out than normal and you seemed troubled by something."  
"S-sorry, no I'm fine Suga just spaced out."  
"Well okay but you know you can talk to me if there's anything..."  
Suga didn't look convinced but Hinata gave Suga his best (forced) smile before jogging back to the others who reappeared, huddled up while Takeda-sensei introduced the new coach Ukai.  
Hinata managed to drag Kageyama along to meet Asahi in the 3rd year's hall. Hinata refuses to say he was scared and he was not hiding behind Kageyama. Contrary to his appearance, Asahi was more soft spoken than he though but he was adamant about not being able to join volleyball again, although a bit conflicted, Hinata noted. Hinata and Kageyama walked back to their class when Hinata felt the voices return and was hit with a wave of nausea  
"Oi dumbass, what's wrong?"  
Since Hinata was behind Kageyama, he held on to the back of Kageyama's shirt so he wouldn't fall. When Hinata realized this, he immediately let go.  
"Sorry, I...um.. I lost my balance."  
Kageyama raised an eyebrow but said nothing else (much to Hinata's appreciation). When Kageyama moved again, Hinata wasn't expecting him to wrap his arm around him and push him slightly in front of him; Hinata looked back at him confused  
"So you won't get lost in the crowd dumbass."  
Taken as an insult to his height, his comment made Hinata get mad until he realized everyone in the hall moving to their classes so he lets Kageyama help him push forward (which Hinata appreciates but won't tell that to Kageyama). 

He felt in good condition to have extra practice with Kageyama and when he left, there was Kuroko waiting for him. He can see the others the closer he gets and he feels lighter to hear the voices drown out with the small talk of the others.  
"Feeling better?"  
Hinata nodded to Akashi who pet his hair and walked ahead, making Hinata speed up to them between Kuroko and Akashi. He didn't bring his bike with him in response to everyone's orders but he didn't mind the night strolls (even if it takes longer to arrive home and make him tired, Hinata thought of it as extra practice.)   
"--I heard it was called Battle of the Dump!"  
Hinata told them about Karasuno's rivals, Nekoma which they plan to have a practice match against soon. Kuroko hummed, indicating that he was paying attention  
"What kind of team do you think they are?"  
"I'm not sure, probably super cool and powerful, AH! I wanna play against them soon!"  
Kuroko smiled inside to see Hinata in a lighter mood than he was these past days. He hoped HInata could stay like this but he knows it would be close to impossible without those pills. All he could was give Hinata support behind the scenes but he wished he could help Hinata more...but he was....  
"Kuroko?"  
Hinata was looking at Kuroko with his wide spice colored eyes and Kuroko was thankful he was an expert on evading questions. He reached forward and retrieved a leaf from Hinata's hair.  
"Leaf."  
Hinata didn't question him and just smiled before turning to Kise. Kuroko looked down at the leaf in between his finger before he jolted, out of his trance by Aomine's hand coming down on his head.  
"Don't think too much, you're going to worry him."  
Kuroko took in Aomine's comment in (which he realized was Aomine's way of comforting him)  
"Yea."  
Kuroko let go of the leaf and watched it drift away in the air, he feared for that day that Hinata might let them go, but he felt ignored those thoughts and focused on making sure Hinata was stable.

His first training camp, Hinata was understandably ecstatic. There was the usual nausea but this experience helped Hinata found the extra strength he needed to look forward to tomorrow. Partly due to this, he had a harder time trying to fall asleep. He decided it was better to sneak out of the room and try to get some fresh air but when he slowly closed the door behind him, he turned around only to have Akashi face him.  
'AH!'  
Hinata managed to shut himself before he made any loud noise and wake everyone up.  
"Where do you think you're heading this time of night?"  
"N-nothing.."  
Hinata said in a hushed tone, scratching the back of his head and looked down waiting to get chewed out.  
"Well, don't let me stop you from going outside or are you planning to stand there all day?"  
Hinata was surprised to hear that response from Akashi so it took a while for him for him to reply  
"O-oh, right.."  
Hinata mumbled before he followed Akashi outside. Out of them all, Hinata had a harder time talking to Akashi because he would rarely be alone with Akashi. He thought of Akashi as a brother who knew everything but he knew Akashi wasn't perfect like the rest of them. Akashi also had a second side that would surface time to time since he was very prideful (which Hinata had no problem and use to look up to as confidence that he lacked).  
"So, want to explain why you're up so late?"  
Hinata knew Akashi was direct with his words but he wasn't sure himself why he would often find it hard to sleep.  
"Can't sleep..."  
"Any particular reason?"  
Hinata thought about it, usually, it was just his inability to sleep because he simply couldn't, even with the pills. He looked up, noticing it was a sky clear of stars and it made him realize this was the first time he had been this far from his home.  
".. I guess I never been on a training camp before, I wasn't even sure mom would let me go..."  
"Hm...then you should treasure this moment."  
Hinata nodded, he was having several thoughts go through his mind but they were also clearing up like the voices.  
"Do you think I can survive without those pills?"  
Akashi looked over at him, reading Hinata's expression and placing a hand on his shoulder  
"Well that depends, do you think you can?"  
Hinata looked at him confused  
"Despite what you think, I don't have the answers to everything but I know you are strong Hinata, even without our help,"  
Akashi didn't have his usual golden eye and his features were softer, a small playful smile with a slightly raised eyebrow. Hinata wanted to protest but Akashi was already standing up from the bench.  
"But you still have a long time to go and you still have to take your meds until then."  
Hinata saw the usual Akashi, the usual aura of eminence but not aggressive like on the court. He walked Hinata to his room door before he walked away leaving Hinata, who began to feel the voices start but Hinata took a breath in and felt himself slowly minimize them to silent, barely audible whispers. Hinata walks in and collapses on his futon, not knowing there was a light sleeper among his teammates. Tsukishima was sure he heard Hinata's voice but he wasn't able to hear the other voice (if he was talking to someone that is). After a few moments, he could hear the light snores coming from Hinata's futon but now Tsukishima was up, trying to piece together what that could have been about.

 

Hinata was jogging up the steep road where each teammate was running at their own place. He looked over at Kageyama sprinting next to him and sped up. Kageyama, taking it as a challenge, sped up as well but Hinata was already breaking out in a full run, leaving his teammates behind. He wasn't sure if it was another illusion but he thought he saw something eerily approach him back there...he finally stops to breath when he realizes he is lost. He looks around uncertain if the creature wasn't following him when he spotted a boy in a red outfit and pudding hair playing on his hair. Hinata approached the boy but he seemed to startle him.  
"My names Hinata Shouyou, what's yours?"  
The boy was fidgeting around, avoiding eye contact, unsure if he should respond Hinata. After a few seconds, he heard a small, soft voice   
"Kozume Kenma"  
Hinata repeated the name, testing out the syllables on his tongue. Hinata then spotted Kenma's bag with shoes sticking out and immediately recognize them as volleyball shoes. He was happy to find out Kenma also played volleyball and had no problem chatting with a stranger (although it was a bit one-sided). He happily rambling on until he spotted something in the corner of his eye and stopped. When Kenma realized Hinata ceased his chattering, he decided to look up fro his phone, finding the energetic orange-head, silent and slightly frightened. Hinata wasn't sure what he saw but he felt the voices grow louder the more scared he got, making his head hurt. He gripped the fence behind him and tried to not have a panic attack  
"Um.."  
The voices seem to muffle some when Hinata snapped out of his thoughts and looked over to see his new friend look over at him worried.  
"Are you okay..?"  
Hinata lost count how many times he's been asked the same question, but luckily, Hinata was good at finding a response (excuse).  
"Uh yea, just remembered I'm lost..heh.."  
Kenma was silent, he looked over to where Hinata had been previously looking but spotted nothing out of the ordinary.....immediately, Hinata tried to continue with his ranting but another voice interrupted.  
"Oi Kenma!"  
Kenma and Hinata turned to the owner of the voice and Hinata spots a taller boy with black hair sticking up and equally cat-like eyes like Kenma, except maybe with an underline playful sinisterness to them (?).  
"Kuroo.."  
Kenma moved up ready to leave but stopped suddenly, looking back at Hinata. He looked between Kuroo and Hinata, debating inside his head. Kenma didn't understand, he was ready to leave, happy even but he felt like he couldn't leave Hinata alone, especially after that almost panic attack (Kenma was sure the boy looked ready to hyperventilate). Hinata saw Kenma look conflicted  
"Don't worry, my teammates will come find me soon, um.."  
Hinata didn't know whether to call him Kenma or Kozume but Kenma sounded correct in his mind. After a while, Kenma made up his mind  
"Okay, bye Shouyou, I'll see you later."  
Hinata waved back, unsure what those words meant.  
"Bye Kenma!"

"Made a new friend?~"  
Kuroo was walking next to Kenma, looking back at the orange haired boy watching them leave.  
"Something like that..."  
"Oh?~"  
Kuroo looked back at Kenma, clearly curious   
"Is that why you didn't want to leave him?"  
"That's...."  
"Well, I'm sure you'll be able to meet your new friends soon."  
"He plays volleyball at Karasuno"  
"Oh? Then I guess you'll be meeting him soon, huh?"  
Kenma hummed, stealing a glance back at Hinata  
"What's chibi's name ?"  
"...Hinata Shouyou."  
Kenma say HIinata turn towards someone, a smile on his features but Kenma was confused....he didn't see anyone in that direction.

Once Kenma left, Hinata watched their retreating figures, he saw the other boy, Kuroo, steal a few glances back at him but Hinata noticed someone from the corner of his eye.  
"Ah! Kuroko!"  
Hinata walked Kuroko, a smile on his lips and almost ready to cry in happiness. He hugged Kuroko.  
"I thought I was going to stay lost forever!"  
"...then ou shouldn't have run off like that."  
Kuroko pinched Hinata's nose but he was glad he was okay  
"Why did you run off like that ?"  
"Oh! um..."  
"Hinata!"  
Before Hinata said anything, he heard Suga's voice call him and Kuroko told him to go back to his teammates. Hinata let go of Kuroko but still held onto his hand behind him when Suga emerged and guided Hinata back. 

 

It was finally time to face off against Nekoma and Hinata couldn't be more excited. He was too preoccupied to notice Tsukishima's staring and after the bus ride, they all lined up against the members of Nekoma where Hinata finally understood Kenma's words that day  
"Ah! Kenma!"


	5. Flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karasuno's match with Nekoma was not one to be forgotten. Hinata makes new friends and rivals. He also realizes his struggles will grow with every obstacle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say except please enjoy and let's hope I can get my essays finished (^-^;)>

Hinata can feel the adrenaline in his veins, he feels frustration at his skills being read and countered but...he couldn't help but smile. He was expecting to encounter more and stronger opponents, but he felt particularly happy about going up against the fated rivals of Karasuno, Nekoma. They were different from his team, their eyes read every move you make and Hinata was really impressed with Kenma and their middle blocker Inuoka. Hinata loved volleyball because, in these moments, a person's year or background problems don't matter, in volleyball, only the strongest can remain on the court. On the court, the voices disappear, he can forget about his problems and just enjoy the sport as Hinata the middle blocker (decoy), not as Hinata the barely sane individual. Hinata could feel the joy of slamming the volleyball and although sometimes missed or blocked, it makes the moment when he does score, watching the opponent's surprise, all the more worth it. He took the chance because he knew he couldn't keep his eyes closed forever, he couldn't ignore it and he felt the need to break away from relying on others more than he already has. Hinata found out Kenma's comb-hair friend, Kuroo, was the captain of Nekoma and he could see why. He also knows his teammates are all strong and he feels that urge to be someone useful to this team, he wants to score as many points as he can for this team and he wants to tell everyone that he exists, that he can do so much more.  
"One more!"  
Even after each loss he takes, Hinata feels a stronger need to prove himself. He wants this moment to last, he wants to keep the voices at bay, he really wants to continue playing volleyball. But despite his stamina and wishes, the world continued to move on and they needed to go back to the real world, back home. Everyone said their goodbyes, all seeking improvement until the next battle and Hinata had said his goodbyes to everyone except  
"Kenma!"  
"Shouyou."  
Kenma opened his mouth before shutting it, he bit his lip. Hinata was more than what he appeared, Kenma knew what it was like to be underestimated based on height in volleyball, but there was more besides that hunger in Hinata's eyes on the court....but, Kenma wasn't sure if he was allowed to ask about what he witnessed that day and he didn't know how much of that Hinata would share. Hinata had secrets, he knew, and Kenma himself had his own so he avoided prying in people's affairs but...  
"when we met that day, you said you didn't particularly like volleyball."  
Oh.right. He did say that. He listened to Hinata swear to him that he would get a reaction out of Kenma the next time they play. Kenma studied Hinata's face, determined and happy, no trace of that terrified, anxious HInata he saw back when they first met. Kenma nodded, he looked up to Hinata's hair, thinking it was probably soft to the touch and without thinking, he rubbed Hinata's head. Hinata subconsciously accepted the touch (use to Kuroko and the others doing the same) before they both quickly stepped back in a jolt in realization. Kenma avoided eye contact like Hinata did when Kuroo appeared behind Kenma.  
"Yo shrimpy, did you enjoy yourself today?"  
Hinata was slightly scared of Nekoma's captain but he was really impressed when he saw him play, plus, he was a friend of Kenma's and he seemed really cool. Hinata nodded enthusiastically  
"We will beat you next time."  
"*chuckle* We'll see about that"  
Kuroo smirked and Hinata hears the others calling him to get on the bus; a thought came to Hinata's mind and he reached into his bag. He pulled out his phone and handed it to Kenma, who hesitated a bit before reaching to type in his info in, Kenma noted the outdated phone had bumps and scratches but not enough that it broke the screen. He noticed how little the contact list was but he didn;t question it. Kuroo snatched the phone from Kenma's hand to type his own contact in.  
"Here, feel free to text us anytime. You should also take better care of your phone."  
Kuroo threw the phone to Hinata who looked taken aback by the comment and struggled a bit when catching the phone.  
"R-right."  
Kuroo raised an eyebrow but waved when Hinata jogged back to his teammates getting irritated (Kageyama).  
Bye Kenma!"  
Kenma paused, should he waved back? He slightly raised his arm, knowing Hinata couldn't see with his back facing Kenma. They watch the bus drive away, Kuroo and Kenma lingering longer than the others who retreated back to the gym.  
"That shrimpy...he's interesting."  
Kenma nodded, knowing Kuroo was also very observant. He felt his phone vibrate in his hands and turned it on to see an unknown number had emailed him.

Unknown: HEy, This is Hinata! (^w^)/  
Unknown: I hopewe hav anothr match soon! 

Kenma noticed the small errors, probably typing too fast before he sent a small reply. 

Hinata was ready to go back and practice, even more, he couldn't wait for another match against Nekoma. Kageyama noticed that Hinata hadn't been using his bike and Hinata just told him he was walking home to get more training in. He told Kageyama he was okay walking home alone when Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walked by  
"Did you break your bike?"  
Yamaguchi asked Hinata who gave the same excuse he gave Kageyama, as he told him, Hinata kept glancing behind him, trying to see if he could spot Kuroko and the others but to no avail. Tsukishima noticed his behavior, though it was normal for Hinata to be super jumpy (since the boy can't seem to stand still), he seemed to be looking for something in the distance. Yamaguchi noticed Hinata looked ready to leave so he said his goodbyes and Hinata sprinted in the direction of his house. Tsukishima watched him leave until he disappeared into the darkness, his face scrunched up. He hated that he was so fixated on uncovering Hinata's 'secret'. This was Hinata, a simple-minded idiot with a brain full of volleyball and nothing else....or...  
"Tsukki?"  
Yamaguchi noticed how often Tsukishima would stare at Hinata with a troubled (annoyed ) face. Tsukki would often get annoyed but he had seen that expression when Tsukki was in deep thought, trying to solve something. Tsukkishima didn't say anything but continued walking, slow enough for Yamaguchi to catch up. Yamaguchi wondered what was bothering him and he turned to the direction Hinata disappeared in.  
'Now that I think about it, Hinata has been acting weird lately...'

Hinata ran until he knew the others were far away to not see him, he looked around trying to find the others but he saw nothing. He realized he was alone in the dark area and it was starting to make him nervous. He hated the dark because he would hear scary noises and his mind would always make him thing like there were monsters lurking in the dark. He felt dread at the thought of that creature he saw returning but he made sure to regulate his breathing so he wouldn't panic.  
"Hinnachi!Guess who?"  
Hinata felt his heart stuck in his throat but when he realizes it was Kise, he turned around to hug him.  
"H-Hinacchi?"  
Kise was confused but surprisingly pleased, he was about to hug him back when Hinata hit him.  
"Hinacchi why??"  
Kise held his head when Hinata had already moved to Kuroko.  
"That's what you get for sneaking up on Hinata idiot."  
"Shut up Aomine!"  
Hinata felt safer now that they were here and the rest of the walk was peaceful. He told them about how amazing Nekoma was and about Kenma. He was happy to have this moment of peace because when he arrived home, his mother was drunk and clinging on to him  
"I thought you wouldn't come back, I was so worried."  
Hinata let his mom cling onto him and cry softly, he knew how emotional she got after drinking, even more after his father left. She would say some harsh things mixed in with the softer words to not abandon her but Hinata knew it was just how his mom was and she cared for Hinata from a slight distance.  
"It's okay mom, I won't leave...I'm here...."  
Hinata continued to reassure his mom he wouldn't leave despite her reluctance to believe his words.  
"You should lie down and sleep mom, is Natsu tugged in?"  
Hinata guided his mom to her room like he would often do for Natsu before he left some hangover pills on her bed and shut the door, heading to Natsu's room. He peered in and knew Natsu was awake without needing to see those tiny eyes peer from the darkness. He connected a small night light next to Natsu's bed and kneeled to the side of her bed.  
"Mommy was drinking her special juice again"  
"I know. She is sleeping now so don't give her too much trouble tomorrow okay?"  
"Okay...Oni-chan, Can you read me a story?"  
Hinata nodded and began conjuring up a story in his mind  
"This is the story about a flower, the flower was smaller than the rest but managed to live among the other taller flowers. The flower had many friends but always felt a little different from the others. One day, the flower met a group of crows that would visit the flower from time to time. The flower wanted to fly like the crows but the flower was a flower, not a crow. The crows told the flower that they could teach the flower to fly but the flower realized that would mean the flower would have to leave his friends. The flower refused but as time went by the flower realized something. The flower watched his friends grow into trees, trees so huge they could touch the sky, but the flower was stuck on the ground. The flower felt alone, the flower's friends were growing farther and father again that when he told the crows, they offered again if the flower wanted to fly with them. The flower accepted this time and the crows taught the flower to fly. It was only then that the flower realized that--"  
Hinata stopped when he heard Natsu's quiet snores and smiled. He kissed her forehead and walked to the door, turning off the light behind him. 

"Can't sleep?"  
Hinata had been staring at the wall for the last 10 minutes...he had been tossing a volleyball in the air before until he missed and it rolled off in the darkness, long forgotten. Hinata continued to stare at the ceiling and mumbled a response. He felt a weight on the bed space next to him and he turned to the side to see Kuroko laying next to him.  
"I....there is too much noise in my head..."  
Kuroko was silent before he placed his hands on either side of Hinata's head, covering his ears.  
"Better?"  
Hinata embarrassed the cold touch of Kuroko's hand and gave a small nod  
"I keep seeing things..."  
Kuroko brought Hinata's face closer to his and closed his eyes  
"What else?"  
Hinata closed his eyes as well and felt his body relax and his mind being lulled to sleep  
"I feel....I get scared but....I don't want to be a burden, I want to fight on my own and..."  
"You already do."  
"Kuroko..."  
"You always hide your feeling and try to act tough"  
Hinata opened his eyes to look at Kuroko's own eyes looking straight through him.  
"You can rely on us Hinata, that's why we're here, that's why I'm here. It's okay to be scared and you don't have to try so hard. You don't have to rush things."  
Hinata stared back at Kuroko a few more minutes before closing his eyes again, he held back tearing up but he felt Kuroko pull him into a hug, he let him know it was okay...  
"You're strong Shouyou, but everyone needs help. We'll try to find you meds, but right now just bare it for a bit longer and rely on me, on us..okay?"  
Hinata didn't know Kuroko's voice could get any softer but he clung onto him like those words and nodded profusely. He can bare it and he knew they were there with him. He feels the voices are kept at bay and he savors this moment of peace. He will get his meds, he will prove he is not sick and he will be the best he can at volleyball. He won't be a burden and give into those voices, he will find his own cure that is not a pill he has to down along with all his emotions.  
"Tetsu......stay with me....please......"  
Kuroko didn't say anything but Hinata didn't need a response and he let his body give out to sleep.

 

"What did the flower realize?"  
Hinata was cooking breakfast when he looked down at Natsu and bent down to her eye level.  
"I'll tell you another time okay?"  
"Eh??"  
Hinata gave her a plate of pancake and promised to take her out to the park once he wins his matches. He was about to send a good morning text to Kenma when he noticed unread messages sent last night.  
SexyKuroo;): Yo, shrimpy, Kenma wanted to know if you got home safe.  
Hinata took slight defense at that nickname but had grown used to it that he stopped correcting others. He looked at the name Kuroo chose and decided it was better to change it to something else: BedhairKuroo.  
Hinata also noticed the second one was from Kenma  
Kenma Kozume: Ignore Kuroo.  
Hinata laughed a bit before sending a reply. Natsu noticed her brother use his phone which was rare in itself but also found him laughing.  
"Who is it oni-chan?"  
Hinata shuts his phone before going back to preparing his lunch, explaining to Natsu all about Kenma and Kuroo. Natsu was happy to see Hinata in a happy mood, she noticed as Hinata was talking that his eyes were puffy and didn't hesitate to point it out.  
"Oni-chan, you're eyes are puffy."  
Hinata felt his hand immediately go up to his face and quickly  
"Did you cry?"  
"N-no!"  
Hinata protests, turning off the stove, quickly finishing, before sprinting to the bathroom to do something about his eyes. Natsu, not understanding why he cried, laugh a bit when she watched Hinata run around.  
"Onii-chan you're going to be late!"  
Hinata had a towel of warm water over his eyes and gave Natsu a goodbye kiss on the forehead which she returned to his cheek.  
"Make sure you eat your food and leave some for mom. Remember, don't cause her too much trouble."  
Natsu nodded and gave a salute, laughing as Hinata stumbled out of the door with the towel in hand.  
"What happened to your eyes Hinacchi--ouch!"  
Kuroko silenced Kise and the others didn't question Hinata as they walk (sprinted) to school. Hinata was running when he noticed Kageyama join him, and they had their usual competition.  
"I won!"  
"No way dumbass, I was ahead by a second!"  
They picker while the others walk at a normal pace towards the gym. Tsukishima glances over at them, taking notice of the small details like Hinata's red eyes and slightly messier hair. He didn't mention it but took a mental note before walking ahead, throwing an insult at the duo for good measure.  
Karasuno got the interhigh bracket and Hinata felt a new strength to improve even more so he can win each match and stay on the court for as long as possible, he needed to.

They won their first match fairly easily and Hinata was happy but he also saw the sight of defeat from the opponent's side. He knew what it felt like but he also knew he needed to continue on if he wanted to stay and continue to fight. Their next opponent was Date Tech High and all the first years including Hinata could see there was some history among the others in Karasuno with that team. The iron wall, the one that shut down Asashi and started the reason why Asahi had left. He knew his senpais were ready for revenge and he wanted to give his best to help them.


	6. Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata is about to go head on against Dateko but a new development has him worried about the future outside of the tournament and the beast creeps closer and closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I had to take a break due to some complications, I have a few assignments piled up so it might be a slow week but I think I can get a few chapters in by the end of it so wish me luck ! :)

Before they went against Dateko, Hinata enjoyed the comments he heard about him. He felt people acknowledge his abilities and he was glad to hear something other than the voices. He thought Kageyama would tell him something, but it turns out Kageyama thought he should get more attention....still, Hinata couldn't help but point out his creepy smile.  
Kageyama was crushing Hinata's head at the insult when Hinata stopped struggling and looked up at him.  
" I-- uh, need to go to the restroom"  
Kageyama was trying to read Hinata's slightly pained expression before he released him.  
"Make sure you come back soon dumbass, we still have to win."  
Hinata nodded and sprinted to the bathroom; when he made it in the bathroom, he collapses in front of the sink. His hand blindly reached for the faucet handle, his head was throbbing in pain. Thanks to Kuroko, he was able to sleep easier and keep most of the voices at bay, but he was on his own during his time at school. Lately, the voices have gotten more aggressive in the time the others were absent. He wasn't sure how he could continue to ignore them, but he was hoping he can drown them out with the water. He stayed there for a while until he heard the noise of the door open and quickly pulled his head up to meet Oikawa. Hinata was unsure what to say, he felt the water drip from the tips of his hair, down to his face. He didn't trust himself to move anymore and continued to stare at Oikawa who just stared back.  
"Yahoo~ chibi-chan!"  
"G-grand king??"  
Hinata found his voice, his mind repeatedly reminding him to not to look suspicious. He watches Oikawa's eyes look over him before he looks next to him. Hinata follows his eyes to the faucet before he quickly scrambles to turn it off. Hinata was about to turn back to Oikawa when his headache came back and couldn't stop the impulse to grab his head from the pain.  
"Are you okay chibi-chan?Getting cold feet?"  
He looked up to Oikawa who looked concerned but his expression held a knowing smile ....Hinata was sure Oikawa knew nothing but his smile made his weary.  
"Y-yes!no!"  
"Yes no?"  
Hinata panicked and retreated back when Oikawa walked closer, the memory of Kageyama (after he hit the back of his head with a volleyball) coming back to mind. Oikawa had successfully blocked Hinata's escape, he kept his eyes locked on Hinata who squeezed his eyes shut again from the headache pain. Oikawa reached into the pocket of his jacket and took out the bottle of pills before holding it in front of Hinata.  
"I was hoping we can talk, you left this behind in our last chat."  
Once Hinata saw his meds, his heart almost dropped and his widened eyes were fixed on the bottle. He saw the untouched pills through the dark tinted plastic, a label covering the midsection of the bottle with his name printed out along with the name and instruction. Hinata was scared to reach for it, his ears could only hear his blood pounding, Oikawa has his pills. He saw it. He knows. He is looking through Hinata. Hinata. What should he do? Kuroko can't help him. He doesn't know what to do. Hinata's face was contorting in pain, he felt his mind was a mess and he feels the voices overpower his thoughts.  
HE knows, He knows he is a freak, he knows he is unstable, he is broken, he....he doesn't want anyone to know. He was scared. He felt these thoughts surround him like a dense fog, suffocating him before turning into tangible creatures, eating away at his brain, he felt his hands come up to his head and scratch. With every nail digging into his scalp, he felt the more he scratch and the deeper he dug his nails, then maybe he can get rid of them. He had his eyes shut when he felt hands grab his wrists, they were not cold like Kuroko's but felt burning hot like it would melt the skin right off his bones, he resisted. He didn't realize he was having a panic attack until he heard his name and his body was violently shook.  
"Hinata!"  
Hinata had tears streaming down his cheek when he looked up to catch Oikawa's brown eyes, wide with a hint of fear. Fear for who?Hinata?Himself?Hinata didn't know but he felt his body quivering even after Oikawa had stopped shaking him. Hinata felt a ghostly body hug him, a cold sensation had run over Hinata and he no longer felt on fire. Hinata's hands were still held by Oikawa so he couldn't hug back but that familiar voice was whispering in his ear like a prayer.  
"Breathe Shouyou, it's going to be alright...breathe.."  
It was like the tears and emotions clogged Hinata's throat so he took giant gulps like a fish out of water, but he managed to stop his breakdown from going any further.  
"Chib-uh-Hinata, I'm sorry if I made you..."  
Everyone would joke that Oikawa was a cunning man as did Oikawa himself, but he was unable to do much when a boy like Hinata, who had previously looked at him with the fire in his eye like an oni....now look like the people frightened to the core in the presence of an oni...Oikawa wasn't exactly sure what kind of beast Hinata was terrified of but he knew the times to joke and the times it was serious. He released Hinata and watched the boy steady his breath, turn around to splash water and erase the evidence of his tears. Oikawa watched uneasy and unsure before he opened the bottle in his hand and took one single pill out.  
"Here."  
Hinata didn't say anything and took the pill, the faucet was still on and he leaned into it, drinking gulps of water falling to ease the pill down his throat. Oikawa should have walked away or look away but he somehow felt his legs grounded to the floor and his eyes fixated on Hinata. Hinata was an enigma, he was a baby crow with a beast inside of him that seemed to be his strength and fear. Oikawa wasn't sure if there was more to just a single beast but he wanted to know...and at the same time he wasn't sure if he did. As much as he hates geniuses, he hates leaving puzzles unfinished even more. He wouldn't press it right now though, it wasn't the time, so he pushed that away as Hinata began to speak again.  
"Don't.....Don't tell..."  
Hinata was not sure if he can trust Oikawa, he wasn't even sure if he can go against him if Oikawa desired to ruin his life but...he stared up at the taller boy and that boy felt a small shiver when he saw those eyes, they were a bit cold and Oikawa wasn't sure if his vision was getting worse but he thought there was a hint of steel blue in those eyes. Oikawa put his hands up and tried to not set off the beast inside Hinata, he tried to bring back his smirk but it was probably failing.  
"Relax, I didn't tell anyone about those pills."  
Hinata felt a brief feeling of relief but he was still unsure if he could trust his word, he would have to without much choice Hinata realized.  
"Look, chibi-chan, I won't tell anyone about it, we all have our secrets and it won't do me any good to spread any rumors. We may be enemies on-court, but that doesn't have to the case off-court right?"  
Hinata looked at Oikawa, he saw what he said made sense but he remembered his mom's stern warnings, her words harshly speaking of what ill intentions people could have once they find out Hinata's" condition". Oikawa felt his uneasiness when he suddenly thought of something. He reached into his pocket to pull out a pen, he had girls ask for his signature a couple times but this time he used his pen to write out his contact info on the brown paper towel he got from the towel dispenser. Hinata watched confused when Oikawa was scribbling away and shoved the paper towel in his hand.  
"Here. I can't completely reassure you but you can contact me when you need something or just want someone to listen, I'm not as good as Iwa-chan but still, no one else needs to know if you really want."  
Hinata stared at the towel before looking back at Oikawa, he never really seen him so serious, even on the court, he always seemed to have a confident and cocky look to him. He was like that for a few seconds which felt like hours before his usual smirk returned, slipping the pill bottle into Hinata's sweaty palms, he playfully pets Hinata's head before walking away.  
"Well, I have to go get ready for my match so I'll let you go. You probably have to hurry to your own before Tobio-chan gets mad, he's so impatient. Goodluck~ Who knows, maybe we'll have a rematch soon~"  
And like that Oikawa waved Hinata goodbye before walking out. Hinata was left there to processed what happened, he was in a daze before Oikawa's words sunk in and he crumbled the towel in his hand, he bolted back, scared of Kageyama blowing his head off in anger for taking too long.

Hinata couldn't avoid Kageyama's yelling but he preferred to deal with him than deal with Oikawa at the moment, he was sure all traces of his panic attack were gone but the observant Tsukishima noticed the light red tint on Hinata's wrists that indicated he was roughly grabbed. He didn't know hat happened but he was pissed for some reason at the thought that Hinata was hurt. He couldn't call the brat a friend or anything like that, but he was a teammate and while Hinata was the sun, Tsukishima was the moon silently making sure that things were properly in order. Whatever Hinata was hiding began to claw at him and he was about ready to find out what it is.  
Hinata had managed to sneak his pills and the tissue in his bag unnoticed, everyone was focused on the upcoming game and he had to do the same, but even without the voices driving him insane, he felt badly distracted about what happened.  
"You alright Hinata? You're not going to freak out on us again right?"  
".....no...um.."  
Tanka's joke fell flat by Hinata's response, it seemed like their little decoy was bothered by something and it didn't seem to be this match. Just as the whistle blew for the next person to take a swing at practice receiving, Nishinoya shouted his rolling thunder and got everyone's attention. Hinata had to look up and admire his senpai's skill when Nishinoya walked up to him and placed a firm hand on his shoulder, giving a small thumbs up with the other. He gave Hinata Tanaka's speech about his senpais having his back and Hinata wanted to accept those words wholeheartedly. He will try because he knows his senpais have been there to cover for him in previous matches and they are far more skilled. He had respected them from the start and he knew Nishinoya and Tanaka's words were true as they were inspiring to the first-years. He wants to trust them and he does on the court, Hinata only hesitated about that when his pills have been weighing him down since he received them back....but he genuinely smiles because his mind is clearer ( no longer polluted from the dark voices) and he knows his focus needs to be on the court and not on everything else. He needs to fight in respect to his senpais and he wants to enter the world inside the court where he only needs to focus on his job as a decoy, as #10 like Small Giant. He nods enthusiastically and Nishinoya laughs again before he slaps his back and yells for another toss. After they were able to warm up, Karasuno and Dateko lined up, ready to play. Aone's stern gaze set on Hinata, no traces of the scared kid were found and there was a hunger in his orange-brown eyes that genuinely gave Aone goosebumps.  
He knew his team was strong, they were the iron wall, he had gone up against this team before and won..so he was baffled by the turn of events, how a 160cm guy had passed through their iron wall and now the ace was giving them even more trouble. Aone had locked in on then, the fire within his turned into a voice, telling him to stop them. His team needed to win and continue on, they can't end here. Aone was as desperate to win as Karasuno....no, scratch that, Karasuno played like their life depended on it, they were flying, they were not about to let anyone call them flightless anymore and they would not let a wall stop them twice from getting there. Aone didn't want to admit his loss, but he knows the winner called was not a mistake. Karasuno was very prepared for this match and it seemed to pay off, Aone hears Karasuno's screams of victory mixed in with his team's silent screams of defeat. Hinata Shouyou. Everyone in Karasuno had turned fate in their favor and Aone had respect for them. He bowed with the others but when Hinata was just about to pass him, he held his hand out. Aone was bad with words but tried to convey his emotions in that handshake. Hinata was surprised to see Dateko's Aone hold his hand out to him of all people. He looked into the taller man's eyes and had a silent understanding, he firmly returned the handshake and stood there for a while before splitting ways. Hinata felt the urge to win more, win for those who lost and win for his teammates and...himself. He wants to stay on this court and he will do anything, he looks down at his bag...until he will find a way to stand on his own without pills, without being a burden...but for now, he had his pills back and he knew Kuroko and the others were there for him to ease off the rest. 

Karasuno headed over to the other court in time to watch Oikawa's serve. As always, it was a dangerous thing and Suga was trying to figure out strategies to go against it. He had no resentment, he knew Kageyama was very skilled and earned his position but he couldn't say he was happy about watching from the sidelines, unable to help his teammates on the court, especially in matches like they one they had with Dateko. He still felt the emotions as everyone else would when put on the bench...but he promised himself he would be of use, that even if not directly on the court, he would still find a way to help his team. He watched intensely just as everyone else did when he noticed Oikawa had glanced in their direction while preparing for a serve. It might have seemed like he glanced over in a challenging way before showing off his skills but Suga knew better. He noticed that the look lingered in the direction of someone, someone to Suga's left. Suga turned to look at Hinata who was surprisingly silent and still, Hinata was also staring intently on Oikawa but it didn't look like the others....Hinata was clutching his bag and looked to be chewing the inside of his lip, Suga wanted to reach out and help Hinata but......Hinata seemed to have flinched before Suga could even reach out to him.....Suga wasn't sure if he saw right but almost immediately Hinata's eyes closed before reopening, a softer and calmer expression that Suga had never seen on the younger teammate's face. Suga didn't know if he should be staring (at the time, it felt like he was eavesdropping) so he let Hinata be and turned back to the game, unsure if he saw another couple glances from Oikawa in Hinata's direction. Later, he remembered about Hinata's earlier trip to the bathroom and wondered if that was related somehow. 

On the bus ride home, Hinata stared at his phone unsure if he should even text Oikawa, but..why should he? He hasn't properly thanked Oikawa for returning his pills and promising to keep his secret........ Hinata's head hurt from overthinking and it seemed to show because Kageyama glanced over at him.  
"Oi, stop squirming, do you need to take a shit again?"  
Hinata scrambled to hide his phone from Kageyama's view, if he found out he had Grand King's number, he wasn't sure what would happen to him. Kageyama raised an eyebrow but Hinata continued on  
"You're too vulgar Kageyama! Say crap, C-r-a-p."  
"Shit"  
"crap"  
"shit"  
"crap"  
"Stupid"  
"Idiot"  
Their bickering stopped when Kageyama turned to the other side and closed his eyes trying to fall asleep.  
"Just keep it down, dumbass"  
Hinata pounted but didn't say anything, he turned back to his phone and decided to put off his inevitable conversation with Oikawa. He sent Kenma an update about their win, a few minutes later, Kenma quickly updated Hinata about their own win. He was about to reply when another message appeared, it was Kuroo.  
BedhairKuroo: I heard you guys won ;) Congrats, Kenma was hapdhfhj  
Hinata was confused towards the end of that message but replied with small thanks. He didn't get a response for a while so he assumed they might be busy, Hinata signed and reclined in his seat. He was exhausted but he knew even with these pills, he would get occasional insomnia at times so he tiredly looked back at his phone, opening a new message box  
GrandKing: This is Hinata--  
Hinata wasn't really unsure what message he should send but he eventually settled on small thanks and telling him to please not tell anyone....He closed his eyes when he felt his phone vibrate, indicating a reply. He was almost expecting a message from Kenma or Kuroo but he got the person he silently wished hadn't read his message so fast.  
GrandKing: No prob (^_^)  
GrandKing: I won't tell anyone about the pills but  
Hinata felt his stomach tighten at the last word, he felt this was bound to happen  
GrandKing: Can we meet up sometime? I think you know I have some questions.  
Hinata wasn't sure how to reply but somehow he had done so and collapsed, his body and mind too exhausted and even if it was not exactly sleeping, he let his body remain unmoving like it was asleep, he ignored the small buzz of his phone.


	7. Defeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone had their concerns for Hinata and the upcoming fight against Aobajousai has Karasuno on edge and Hinata clinging to the only sense of reality he has. Kuroko spills his concerns about Hinata and he is scared this match might effect Hinata's stability for better or for worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a while (^_^;) I planned to update earlier but projects turned into exams which turned into Finals prep and I had to go to the doctor because I got sick. I will try to get back on schedule but it may be a bit delayed, anyways enough about that, I'll get back on board with the story, Thanks for waiting! P.s I fixed the last chapter (which took forever since the stupid page kept freezing on me and had to refix it so many times)

Kageyama felt the bus come to a stop, his body was pushed forward before falling back in his seat. He grumbled a bit before rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes. He managed to pry his eyes open, squinting, he turned to the seat next to him.  
"Oi-"  
Kageyama shut his mouth when he saw Hinata, his eyes were closed but he could see the boy's eyes darting back and forth under his eyelids. Hinata's hands were clenching his shirt and his breathing sounded irregular. Kageyama was unsure of what to do, he thought about waking him up but something was stopping him.  
"Oi, Dumbass...."  
Hinata tossed in his seat before mumbling something  
"......help....Kuroko....don't..."  
Kageyama's hand flinched and hovered over Hinata unmoving, his frown deepened when he heard Hinata's voice, he was still asleep but Kageyama was wide awake and perplexed.  
'Kuroko?'  
Kageyama didn't know who that was but Hinata's tense body seemingly relaxed after uttering that name. Kageyama was left there trying to piece together what that idiot was dreaming about.  
"You shouldn't stare at your subjects like that or you'll scare them away"  
Kageyama head quickly turned to see Tsukishima looking down at him, Yamaguchi poking from behind unaware of what's really happening. Kageyama's face flared in embarrassment and annoyance.  
"I wasn't staring! This idiot---"  
Hinata didn't know when he passed out but when he woke up, he was greeted with Kageyama's flustered face and Tsukishima's unexpressive face that stared back at him like he was trying to figure something out. Hinata was scared if he said something in his sleep but before he could utter more than a prolonged "Uhh", Nishinoya suddenly appeared from the front row seat.  
"Hinata!I heard we are on tv!"  
Hinata was wide awake at that and bolted out of his seat, joining Nishinoya and Tanaka. The others soon joined in and they hovered over the tv only to be greeting by Grand King and sorely disappointed. Tanaka and Nishinoya grumbled in anger while Hinata looked back to Oikawa smiling innocently into the tv camera. He was still unsure that today's events even occurred but now the fact that he would be going against Oikawa's team next time. He remembered their last game, even if it was a practice game, he remembered how intense Oikawa was.....he shook his head, he wouldn't let any doubts plague his mind and he would do what he could to win. Everyone listened to coach Ukai before going home to rest, thoughts of tomorrow's match plaguing their mind. Kageyama was silently walking home when Hinata ran up to him.  
"Oi Yamayama!"  
Kageyama ignored his nickname and tried his best not to hit Hinata for saying he will get wrinkles from all his frowning.  
"Tomorrow, we are going to win against Grand King."  
Kageyama looked back at him taken aback before returning a look just as determined.  
" We will win or else we won't advance."  
Hinata watched Kageyama walk away with a smile, he was able to pick up the meaning in his words despite how blunt they way have sounded. He turned to walk in the direction of his own house when he heard Kageyama.  
"Get some rest dumbass, you better be ready to hit 100 tosses!"  
"Osu!"  
Kageyama silently watches Hinata jog away, his hands stuffed into his jacket pockets to avoid the cold wind. His mind wandered back to Hinata's distressed face...  
"Kuroko..."  
Who was Kuroko and why did Hinata ask for help? Kageyama didn't know he wasn't the only one thinking the same thing, Tsukishima was nearby during the time Hinata was mumbling in his sleep. He was alone today because Yamaguchi decided to get some extra practice to polish his float serve with Shimada. He still considered volleyball a club so he made no effort to put extra effort although he never really slacked off in any game either. But lately, he felt he was getting too involved especially when it came to Hinata Shouyou. He doesn't make it a habit of prying into other's personal affairs, but it is more irritating than anything to have the volleyball idiot suddenly become a closed book....he was only lucky (or unlucky) to notice some of Hinata's slip ups like the pill bottle (he tried to cover with a 'stained' paper towel) he suspiciously sneaked into his bag. He didn't know who Kuroko was but he felt like this Kuroko was the key to finding out what Hinata was hiding and maybe, just maybe Tsushima could rest easier without this plaguing his mind.

"Daichi?"  
"Hm?"  
Daichi stops in his tracks when he hears the concern in Suga's voice, Nishinoya was ahead causing a ruckus with Tanaka while Asahi looked flustered, trying to quiet them down next to Ennoshita who looked ready to interfere. Daichi looked back to Suga to see him looking down in deep thought.  
"Do you think Hinata has been acting strange these last couple days?"  
Daichi was taken by surprise at the sudden question, he wasn't expecting it nor did he really think about it since he was preoccupied with the inter-high, but Suga was always better at realizing these things more than he was.  
"How so?"  
"Well he seemed out of it today, and not just today, this whole time, he seemed really bothered by something. He would get frightened easily more than usual and I don't think he has gotten much of sleep, and---"  
Suga's eyebrows scrunched up at the thought of Hinata in trouble and not asking for help. He was pulled out his jumbled thoughts by Daichi's hand grasping his own.  
"I know you're worried about Hinata and I can see something has been bothering him today, but I think Hinata doesn't want to let us know right now."  
"But--"  
"I know you're worried, but try to trust Hinata and wait for him to come to us okay?"  
Suga looked into Daichi's eyes and knew he trusted those eyes.  
"Okay...alright."  
Daichi smiled and gave Suga's hand a small squeeze before continuing their walk.  
"For now let's focus on backing up our team, tomorrow we will win and then if you still feel uncertain, we can ask Hinata about it then."  
Suga nodded and squeezed Daichi's hand before he focuses back to the 2nd years ahead of them who caused Ukai-sensei to come out and yell at them from their rowdiness so late at night.

Kuroko was waiting with the others for Hinata, he was a master at concealing his emotions but Aomine knew him too well to be deceived by Kuroko's deadpan face.  
"I know you're worried Tetsu, but Shouyou will be fine now that he has his pills. Besides, you said that Oikawa guy hasn't done anything yet."  
Kuroko looked over at Aomine who felt he wasn't entirely convinced.  
"Come on Tetsu, I know you're the closest one to Shouyou but he needs to face things on his own sometimes."  
Aomine didn't mean to sound too harsh, but it still struck a cord in Kuroko. He wasn't trying to baby Hinata but he was also the only one who could comfort Hinata in his lowest moments.  
"I'm not sheltering Hinata. I just don't want things to repeat like last time."  
Despite promising to keep silent and returning the pills, Kuroko felt weary of Oikawa and he was still slightly pissed off that he caused Hinata to have a panic attack. Before he said more, Akashi decided to step in.  
"It won't do Hinata any good if you keep on worrying, Kuroko. We all don't want a repeat of last time so let's just wait by his side and step in when we need to. "  
Akashi turned his head and the others noticed Hinata in the distance. Kuroko looked up and was relieved to see Hinata smiling like usual.  
" We'll take about this later. Oh, and Aomine, try not to rile Kuroko up. "  
"I-I wasn't trying to-!"  
Aomine was cut off when Hinata pounced at him, declaring a rematch. The others were glad to see Hinata energetic as usual even if Aomine didn't admit it.  
"Heh, I'll gladly take you on and win!"  
Hinata grinned back and was about to sprint ahead when Murasakibara grabbed the back of his collar.  
"You should slow down Hinacchi, you're going to fall again."  
"I-I was not!"  
"Don't you have a game tomorrow? It's better that you should get some proper sleep."  
Hinata turned to Midorima unfazed and begged for one quick round, which Midorima was inclined to accept (as he was so helplessly weak to Hinata's pleads) but luckily Akashi was there to cut him off. He pinched Hinata's nose when his expression matched a sad puppy (which made Kise start begging in his place, spoiling Hinata by offering himself to play against him as he self-declared himself a better opponent than Aomine.)  
"Now now, you should save that energy for tomorrow alright? I think it would benefit Karasuno if you didn't run yourself tired before your big important game."  
Hinata contemplated Akashi's wise words before he agreed and continued in the direction of his home. Gladly his mom was passed out asleep in her study and Natsu has tugged safety into bed without an issue. Hinata hopped in the shower and prepared himself for bed. His new found energy had probably startled the others, but Hinata felt lighter than he had before, he was tired this whole week but he felt like the pills have helped some and his team needed him to be on top of his game for tomorrow. He still had concerns about everything, especially Oikawa knowing part of his secret but he absentmindedly thought that maybe, maybe if he won, he wouldn't have to reveal anything. And just maybe, he could keep living in slight oblivion just a bit longer, where the voices couldn't reach him and he could stay as the overbearing, energetic #10 Hinata Shouyou. It was a foolish thought, Hinata knew, but can you blame Hinata for trying to go back to how things use to be? He was trying so hard to be the naive first-year everyone knew, the one with his head full of volleyball, the one everyone knew and not the one keeping secret, insecurities and on the edge of mental insanity. He doesn't to reveal this side to anyone besides Kuroko, Aomine, Kise, Midorima and Murasakibara. His mom was forced to accept and he had tried to keep the ugly part of him away from Natsu, but he was scared through and through of rejection from his new friends and the safety in the new normalcy he found in volleyball. He was feeling desperate to keep that 'normal' part of him longer and keep the problems he will come to face for a later time when he was just a bit stronger than he was now. He smiled a bit and wiped his tears, he can do this, he can keep playing, he has to. He has friends and a life outside of his mental instability and he wanted to preserve it, keep it separate from each other and leave the pot unstirred, unmixed and left undisturbed. He stared down at his pill bottle, how he never thought he would be glad to see again, but before he could take his pills, he felt someone behind him, remaining silent in a debate with themselves.  
"Shouyou."  
"Kuroko, what's up?"  
Hinata turned to face Kuroko, watching his steel blue eyes dart back and forth, avoiding his own eyes like Natsu when Hinata tries to feed her vegetables. He patiently waits for Kuroko to make up his mind and the minute he does, Kuroko finally makes eye contact.  
"Hinata...tomorrow..."  
Hinata stares back at Kuroko and steps an inch forward, Kuroko does nothing in response so Hinata takes another step and closes the distance. Hinata hugs Kuroko and says nothing, leaving Kuroko more uncertain about what is going to happen. They were able to read each other's minds without trying, but Kuroko felt lost for the first time, his mouth remained shut, but inside he had so many thoughts swirling, waiting to be uttered except... except not a single one seemed right and all he could do was hug back Hinata, unsure if this was for Hinata or his own reassurance.  
" Don't shut us out again...."  
Hinata rubbed Kuroko's back, a ghostly smile on his face and Kuroko felt himself shake in fear. He doesn't want things to repeat and he knows it shouldn't always be a series of unfortunate events after another for Hinata. Kuroko wasn't sure if he could help Hinata on his own this time but he was betting his hopes on the others in Hinata's life. He felt tomorrow can go so many ways and he was scared about one outcome more than the other.  
Hinata felt Kuroko cling onto him, the cold sensation welcoming to him, contrasting his body's heat. He felt Kuroko had always helped him dispell the small fires of trouble within Hinata, but he felt that he needed to learn to dispell his own uncertainties. Eventually, he let go of Kuroko and kissed his forehead. Kuroko hesitated before returning a kiss back on Hinata's forehead, feeling Hinata's fingers slip out of his own. Hinata took out a single pill and swallowed it down with water. He wasn't sure what had made Kuroko so scared, but he also didn't feel like himself, he felt a bit numb and he was sure Kuroko felt something off about that. He wasn't going to do anything crazy but he supposed it was very unusual to be so calm at a time like this... He was usually panicked at the thought of going against an opponent such as Grand King, but he needed to fight his own battles and keep the lively feeling of volleyball dancing in his palms for as long as possible and...and if it should crumble...then...he hoped he can pick up the pieces again.... perhaps that is what had Kuroko so unsure. 

Morning has arrived and the day was had just began. Hinata got up earlier than usual and cooked breakfast before Natsu woke up, he left a quick note and kissed Natsu goodbye which only made her toss and turn, rubbing her cheek before falling back into her dream. Hinata smiles down at her and walked towards the door. He gave everyone else his goodbyes and when it came to Kuroko, he held onto his hands and squeezed them in reassurance.  
"I'll be fine, I won't break."  
Kuroko looks up to see Hinata's bright expression and silently takes it all in like a photo for later, he watches Hinata turn to leave and his hands feel colder than usual.  
"I hope so."

Hinata stood there in front of the Grand king, the only difference now is that there was a net in between them, separating them in a silent confirmation that they were on-court and as such, enemies. Their previous encounter holds no meaning right now and Hinata along with Kageyama and the rest of Karasuno face off against Oikawa and his army of Aobajousai.  
"We won't loose."  
"We'll see about that."  
Oikawa took their declaration head on, he was different on-court, he was a cunning and smart. He had memorized last night's tapes, taken down every single data on Karasuno and he had faith in his team to supply countermeasures. His concerns for Hinata did not matter at this time and he left the puzzle behind while he prepared for battle.  
Oikawa was true to his word and snatched the first point with a dump, he had promised another one coming their way and Karasuno was caught in Oikawa's mind games. Thankfully, Kageyama was ready to return the favor and put things back at square one. It was a tug of war after that, every push Karasuno gave was returned by another from Aobajousai and Oikawa seemed to have orchestrated it all. Of course, Karasuno didn't let themselves fall behind and Hinata felt more alive than before. He was switched out but he still felt jittery inside as crazy as it sounded, he felt adrenaline fuse into his veins like a deer chased by a lion and ....and he also felt like there was something within him begging to be released. He felt this type of energy when he played basketball and Aomine told him about the zone. Hinata was just in front of the door, but he was not able to bring himself to open it.... He wanted to, he really wanted to, but he could hear voices from the other side of the door and when he leaned in to listen, his thoughts drove him back to the times Aomine, Murasakibara, Kise, Midorima and Akashi (everyone except Kuroko) entered the zone for the first time. He remembered what change it had triggered within all of them and he remembered the day he overheard them arguing, almost breaking what bond they all shared. Hinata wasn't sure what going through that door would bring but he could almost feel Kuroko pull him from behind.  
'You don't need to enter the zone to win.'  
Hinata wasn't sure how much he trusted that thought but he didn't have time to think when he was switched back in  
"Hinata"  
Hinata turned to Suga who was calling him over. He listened to Suga's advice and managed to score.  
"I did it! Just like you said!"  
Hinata looked at Suga in amazement while Suga pets his hair in approval.  
"Right?"  
Suga was glad he could be of help, but seeing Hinata's expression made him want to keep this level of responsibility and trust.  
"Don't think too hard on your own and trust your teammates alright?"  
Suga may have absent-mindedly let that last thought slip but it made Hinata think about his words, he let his hand linger on the door but he let it fall to his side. Hinata was sure his uncertainties were starting to become more obvious to everyone around him and he mentally slapped himself. Suga was right though, and it scared Hinata as much as it made him realized he could trust his teammates and he didn't need his uncertainties to get in the way of that. He trusts them, even Saltyshima, it was probably not the prospect of trusting others that made him so unsure...he was probably most afraid to trust himself.....  
Somehow this revelation made it easier for Hinata to focus on the game and he put the door in the back of his mind, he probably wasn't ready mentally to enter the zone yet...  
Oikawa watched slightly irritated, he was able to stop Karasuno from entirely taking over the game in their favor, but he wasn't finding a breakthrough now that he realized even Hinata was taking extra precaution in his every move. He thought Kageyama was enough trouble but Mr. Refeshing was able to command Karasuno, even if his attacks are textbook. Still, Karasuno was rough around the edges and Oikawa knew where to aim with his more finely tuned sphere and team. He was able to get Mr. Refreshing out when Tobio-chan was brought back in. It seemed like his time at Karasuno has changed him, but Oikawa worked his ass off since Junior high and he wouldn't let a genius setter overshadow his hard work. But...he also knew, Iwa-chan had basically drilled it into him, this was a team of six. He was irritated by Kageyama's change of heart but...a thought suddenly struck his mind and he couldn't help the smirk growing into his features... he knows why his teammates thought he was such a cunning guy and it was true, he knew how to use people's skill against themselves. Karasuno must have felt his intentions because their eyes focused on Oikawa who looked back, full of confidence. The first set was done, now it's time for round two.

Hinata watched as Oikawa struck first and left them speechless...it was amazing. Hinata tried to conceal his smile but he was too thrilled by the thought of going against a team like Aobajousai, he wanted to get out there, he wanted to be the one to help his team and crush Oikawa and his team. He replayed the strategy Suga told him in his mind, he was ready to do what he could, he was ready to join the court again, this was where he felt he belonged, nothing too complex to think about except winning, standing with the strongest...He felt something inside him stir. Oikawa felt Hinata's thoughts and felt even more desperate the longer Hinata was on the court.  
'Hurry and move to the back line!'  
Oikawa thought as Hinata kept scoring or left an opportunity for the others to score freely. He really was like a beast, so much so that he suspected Kageyama just barely held himself back from being pulled along to Hinata's sheer will and command. Both teams were desperate to come out on top, Oikawa was almost unsure when Karasuno brought in a new member but luckily it was not the turning point for Karasuno (even if it was so close to being so) Still, Oikawa felt something creep up from behind him as the game progressed, with every score, he felt a presence behind, a hand desperately reaching, ready to pull him back, but he desperately pushed forward to create distance. He felt the distance close in and he was almost scared but didn't want to show it, he knew his training wouldn't betray him as his team wouldn't give up. He knew the person Kageyama is now will blindly follow his subjects and he knew he had favored one specific subject. Hinata Shouyou was an enigma but he was not unstoppable nor was near his near his full potential which made Oikawa both relieved and nervous. He just needed to hold out until that moment when the king would fall with his favorite subject, he would hold out until then, he knew it would happen in the time Karasuno was most desperate, Oikawa can wait.......

Down to the last set, he could already predict Kageyama's next move, he knew that he trusted one person more than the others to score the final point but Kageyama was poorly mistaken if he thought it would work the way he wanted. Oikawa felt himself shake free from the grasp behind him and for now, he felt himself be able to breathe properly.  
Hinata was confused, shocked and felt dread all at the same time. He hated the fact that his eyes were not open to see the exact moment it happened, if he had then maybe...maybe he could've done something to stop it... he watched the ball fly off, bouncing off back to Hinata's side of the court. He heard the ball hit the floor before his feet had and Hinata remained frozen in that spot, he refused to look back because he knew.... he knew he would see the faces of his teammates and the voices in his mind were already telling him what he would see. Disappointment. He would see regret, his failure to score for his team, he would face an even more bitter pill to swallow. He felt his knees give out and the only thing holding him up was his shaky arms....  
"I'm sorry... captain I...."  
"It wasn't a mistake."  
Hinata shut his mouth, he couldn't hear anything with the sound of his blood pumping overpowering everything else, a harsh drumming in correlation to the emotions that rushed into Hinata. He didn't know whose hand he shook, he could only replay the sound of the ball hitting the ground over and over....he couldn't even hear the clapping and the only thing that made him move was the cold hand pushing him forward from behind.... Hinata couldn't process anything that was happening...he was on the court and then suddenly.....he could hear the sound of water pouring down a faucet, he can hear the water hit something, he turns to Kageyama who remains under the water, unmoving. He didn't know what he said but when he heard Kageyama's voice, he felt something stir within him and he felt extremely hot, he was enraged.  
"Sorry, they totally read me in the end..--!"  
"Don't. DON"T APOLOGIZE!"  
Hinata didn't know what possessed him to grab onto Kageyama and thrown his down on the grass but there he was, looking down at those equally shocked as they were angry blue eyes.  
"DON'T APOLOGIZE! DON'T MAKE IT SOUND LIKE IT WAS A MISTAKE! Don't make it sound like I was a mistake..."  
Kageyama was trying to pry Hinata off him when that last statement ceased his struggling. He didn't think Hinata would say that and he was not sure what Hinata meant by it either but Hinata didn't listen to anything else and continued to mumble to himself  
"I'm not a mistake...I'm not.."  
Kageyama tried to snap Hinata out of his trance but it was futile, even like this it was hard to pry Hinata's hands off his shirt he was clinging to, almost choking Kageyama. It wasn't until Takeda-sensei came by that Hinata automatically let go of Kageyama and stood up, walking away like nothing happened. Kageyama tried to catch his breath before he chased after Hinata.  
"Hinata!"  
Kageyama managed to grab Hinata's shoulders and shake him until Hinata was somewhat back to reality.  
"What are you talking about jackass, you're not a mistake, who told you that?!"  
Kageyama felt the anger from losing become overpowered by the thought that someone had gotten it into this dumbass's mind that he was a mistake. He was even more furious that Hinata looked like he really thought that.  
"Did Kuroko tell you that?!"  
"W-What ?N-No! Kuroko would never say that!"  
"Then who told you that?!"  
"That--!"  
Hinata shut himself, he tried to push that person out of his mind. When he didn't respond, Kageyama was ready to repeat himself when they were interrupted by the others. Probably thinking there was a fight, they tried to break them apart, Tanaka holding Kageyama back while Suga examined Hinata. Kageyama tried to tell Tanaka he did nothing wrong, but refuse to tell him what happened. Tsukishima could see Kageyama was hiding something but not even Daichi was able to get Kageyama to speak more about it. Tsukishima turned to see Hinata who was unresponsive to Suga's questions aside, he seemed lost in thought about something.  
Hinata was trying to figure out when he let it slip, how does Kageyama know about Kuroko? He didn't have any ways of knowing aside from directly hearing it from Hinata but Hinata never told him anything.... Hinata felt his blood turn to ice at the thought of someone else knowing but before he had an inner meltdown, he felt a warm hand pressed on his forehead. He looked up to see Suga looking back at him, half-scared. When Suga saw Hinata had become responsive, he let out a breath in relieved and tried to pry answers out of Hinata. Unfortunately, Hinata was just as tight-lipped and only revealed it was his fault Kageyama was so angry. Suga couldn't completely accept that response, but Daichi's voice rang in command, guiding everyone back into the bus. The situation left everyone confused but after a couple minutes in their own thoughts, they felt the weight of their loss hovering over their shoulders and the tears silently spill. Only the first years held back their tears, feeling undeserving of spilling any tears. Ukai had taken them to a restaurant where a big feast was waiting for them, but instead of victory, it was received in loss and frustration. Ukai made his speech before each one of them slowly grabbed onto their chopsticks and ate silently. They chewed slowly before grabbing more and stuffing their faces with more and more food. They ignored the fresh roll of tears and focused on Ukai's voice coaxing them to eat more and grow stronger. It was Karasuno's first big loss as of now and they all silently agree it would be their last. They were out of the inter-high but they had to prepare for the next tournament and they had to win more and more so that they can show the world they are not flightless, the can fly, they have wings that spread far and wide and it was not luck that got them this far.  
Back at home, Hinata silently drags his mother's passed out body to her room and check up on Natsu.  
"Ne ne, Did you win Onii-chan?"  
Hinata felt his face contort in pain, silently thanking the darkness, he shook his head.  
"No..."  
Natsu was silent for a while before she looked back to Hinata, her eyes piercing past the darkness.  
"Hmm...I guess the Grand King was too strong...but...you'll beat him next time won't you?"  
"Right.."  
Hinata felt himself force a smile while he uttered a goodnight to Natsu before he turned to leave. Hinata gently shut the door behind him, he lingered for a while before he felt his legs again and moved towards his room. He was glad the others gave Hinata time to breathe and collect his thoughts but he couldn't say the same about the voices in his mind. He was too tired to reach for his pills and went straight to his bed. Before that, he decides to type Kenma a quick message  
Hinata: We lost.  
Hinata stared at the screen and, his lips biting in uncertainty  
Hinata: Kenma. What do I do? They are too loud.  
Hinata would have quickly erased that message and wrote something more lighthearted, but he was not in the right state of mind nor did he have the energy to contemplate the consequences.  
Hinata: Forget what I--  
Hinata watched his screen turn black. Oh. it had died. Hinata stared at the dead screen before tossing it aside. Instead, he collapses into bed and lay there with his eyes shut before he reopened them. Adjusting to the darkness, he could see Kuroko's steel blue eyes and pale face clear as day. Kuroko reached out and grasped the side of Hinata's face, Hinata remained unmoving but didn't deny the touch. Kuroko is the one who decides to move forward and hold onto Hinata tighter. Hinata does not move but he shuts his eyes, the silent screams in his mind are drowned out and he remains like this til morning.

Days have passed since that day, everyone was desperate to improve but they had to cut the feeling of loss that's been holding them back. The third years had their future to plan but they all agree they want to keep on playing, more and more they wanted to improve and guide this team. Kageyama and Hinata were on the court, they hadn't talked much after what happened, but right now in this court, they felt their emotions break through and the silent screams of frustration finally explode. Hinata slams the ball down before running around, letting his voice scream itself dry. Kageyama watched in shock before following Hinata's lead and grab the nearest ball to spike down with all his might. They run around screaming until they end up collapsed on the floor....Hinata had finally gotten rid of those voice for now but it was enough at this moment. The others had joined them when they told Hinata about the spring tournament and Hinata was sure...this time....this time he wouldn't make the same mistake, he would improve and find his own way of fighting that wouldn't just push everything onto Kageyama's shoulders. This time, he would fight his own battle.

He uncovered his dead phone left forgotten from that night. He thought back to what he send Kenma and decided to reassure Kenma that he was fine. He plugged his phone and upon turning it back on, he was shocked to find a couple messages from Kenma and a few from Kuroo along with a few missed calls. Hinata was more surprised that Kenma even bothered to call.  
Kenma: It happens.  
Kenma: What do you mean?  
Kenma: Shouyou?  
Kenma: What's too loud?  
Hinata looks over Kuroo's messages who seemed to press him for answers as well as to urgently contact him and Kenma back  
He was about to text Kenma back to reassure him that he was fine when he stumbled into the only other contact on his phone outside from his mother's number and.... He knew he would have to do this eventually but he felt he could do it now. He was unsure if he would answer especially after hearing the result of the tournament but before he had time to hang up and rethink this, he heard a click on the 3rd ring.  
"U-um.."  
" I wanted to give you some space, but I didn't think you'd call me first."  
"I didn't plan to, but I think it was time...so..um...do you want to meet somewhere? Over the phone is kind of..."  
" Oh, right right! I get it, well chibi-chan, I'll be glad to meet up with you anytime~ How about tomorrow? Do you think you can come to Tokyo or should I--"  
"A-ah no that's fine! I can get a train ride to Tokyo, I don't have practice tomorrow anyways....so..."  
"Sounds good!"  
"Y-yea, okay, so I'll meet you there--"  
"Chibi-chan?"  
"Y-yes?"  
"Are you sure about this? I mean I'm glad you decided to open up but--"  
"It's fine, I made my mind and... you probably would've pieced it together eventually."  
"Well I wouldn't say that but I suppose I--"  
"So, tomorrow ?"  
"Yup, it's a date, I'll see you then, bye!"  
"Wait wha--"  
Hinata looked down at his phone in confusion, Oikawa was still a mystery to Hinata that left him wondering if he made the right choice..."

"Hey, don't you think Kenma has been on his phone more than usual?"  
Lev whispered to the others while Kuroo looks back at Kenma knowingly. Ever since that shrimpy felt that cryptic message without an explanation, Kenma's phone hasn't left his hand and Kenma has gotten less sleep than usual. Kuroo knew it was tearing Kenma apart and he was desperate to get a response from the shrimpy, he even called the boy to no avail (which surprised Kuroo before he was even more shocked to witness Kenma try to call again when Hinata didn't pick up.) Kenma's eyes were fixated on the screen in a daze when he felt his phone buzz in his hand. Kuroo looked over Kenma's shoulder to catch glimpse of the new message from shrimpy, reassuring Kenma he was fine (along with a string of apologies for worrying Kenma). Kuroo raised an eyebrow, for someone who was unresponsive for several days after leaving a vague message, it was far from 'nothing'. Kuroo watched Kenma's shoulders relaxed before he quickly typed a message back.  
"...What?"  
Kuroo raised his hands up slightly, not wanting to set off a sleep deprived Kenma (he wouldn't repeat that mistake). He continued walking when he heard Yaku's comment which made Kenma and Kuroo halt.  
"Hey isn't that chibi #10's Karasuno? He looks like he's with someone...wait....isn't that Aobajousai's captain Oikawa Tooru?"  
(Lev received a kick for telling Yaku that he was also short while) Kuroo and Kenma's head couldn't turn quick enough and to their surprise, their eyes spotted that messy orange hair and next to him was indeed Oikawa Tooru from Aobajousai...  
'So really? What's this all about?'  
Kuroo thought in extreme confusion while Kenma's gaze remained fixated on the orange mid blocker, trying to piece together what had happened in such a short time span.


	8. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa and Hinata meet and while Oikawa learns more about Hinata. Old scars may or may not resurface but the meeting left Hinata thinking about improving but what should Karasuno say when it causes a dispute between their duo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [quick fix, I am working on the next chapter but I had to fix this horrid grammar of mine, I am so sorry but I always end up passing out after writing until 3 am and I really needed to fix this mistake]  
> I passed all my finals! I still have to work though (T^T) But! I have plans for this series and I hope you'll stick around for that! Anyways you didn't come here to listen to me, chapter 8 start.  
> (Happy early mother's day ) I tried to make it more spacious and use ** to signal a time skip so I don't confuse  
> One more thing, the beginning starts just before Hinata departs to Tokyo to meet Oikawa

Hinata stares at the train station board with every destination and time written. It was a weekend and he wasn't lying to Oikawa when he said there was 'no practice', not officially anyway. Takeda-sensei mentioned going to a training camp and Ukai-sensei had emphasized more focus on school work so they weren't stuck in make-up test or worse, remedial classes. Hinata sighed, he knew he was already mentally exhausted that any type of studying would get him as much as talking to a wall, nowhere. Still, he knew Kageyama would want to get extra practice in and as much as he would've normally jumped at the prospect of extra practice.... he looked down at his phone, it took all his strength to hit send and prepare for the backlash of Kageyama for refusing practice. When he heard his phone go off, he decided it was better not to answer, Kageyama was not the best texter so he would often just call if he had more to say than 'K' or 'Idiot/Dumbass'.

Hinata paid for his ticket and silently sat down in the back where it was less populated, thankfully it had not been rush hour yet.  
He didn't really have anything to do and he couldn't sleep so he rummages through his bag until he decides to give up and quietly pats his thighs in a sort of rhythm while he waits. When the train came to a stop, he was about to send a message to Oikawa only to see Oikawa was already waiting for him there.

"Oh! Over here Chibi-chan!"

Hinata grips the strap of his bag and quiets shuffles over to the taller boy, making sure to ignore the stares he received from possible fans of Grand King, (he took his pills but he could almost hear a very distant whisper of voices talking behind him.) Oikawa lowers his hand when he gets closer and politely tells the circle of girls around him that he needs to go.

"Sorry girls, I'm on a date right now, maybe next time okay?"

Hinata was too nervous about being away from home alone and surrounded by strangers (he didn't know much about Oikawa either) that he didn't tell Oikawa it wasn't a date when he heard the dejected girls complain before whisper among themselves.  
The two begin to walk, Hinata lagged behind, a bit unsure where to go but Oikawa was sure to slow his pace to somewhat match his. Hinata didn't know how Oikawa could ignore the stares and gossip but he was more concerned about why he was here..surely right now Oikawa was waiting for answers and Hinata was not entirely prepared...he looked down at his phone trying to distract himself when he remembered he hadn't texted Kenma back. He felt guilty about that, he was going to do so yesterday but he was caught up with his meeting with Oikawa that it slipped his mind...he quickly sent a text.

Hinata Shouyou: Sorry, It's nothing

'Don't worry about it', Hinata's face scrunched up a bit, that didn't quite sound right and what he sent was too short to really convince anyone. Still, he didn't know what to say or how to explain it. 'Sorry, there's voices in my head and I texted you in one of my low moments, please don't ask anymore I'm scared I'm not stable?' He shook his head and sent a couple more apologies. He continued to stare at his phone even after he turned it off, he wasn't sure what to do about his current situation. It was easier to mask his feelings in a text than face to face and Oikawa was still expecting answers, would he make Hinata tell him right now? Hinata was nervous about the crowd, he was usually someone who enjoys the attention especially on court when he plays volleyball but right now he felt exposed and he felt like everyone could see through him...  
'It's okay...It's fine, you wanted this.... just, just tell Oikawa and then leave, just tell him and then you can go--

"So how was your trip?"

Hinata looks up to Oikawa who looked down at him, it was different off the court because Oikawa didn't look like he was observing him, he wasn't looking down at him like he los-.........he tried to shake that thought away, it was strange to see Oikawa being so patient with him and he looked like he was really interested in Hinata's trip.  
"um, it was fine?"  
Hinata was sure that sounded so uncertain, almost like a question but Hinata wasn't sure how to deal with this situation so he tried to get it over with.

"About what I sai--"

"Are you hungry?"

"Huh?"

Oikawa looked back at him with a smile.

"I'm asking if you want anything? Oh, I think there's an ice cream shop a few blocks down is that fine? My treat~"  
Hinata continued to look at Oikawa like he grew a second head. He didn't understand why Oikawa was offering ice cream, he didn't have to bribe Hinata to get answers and he didn't owe him anything (in fact Hinata probably owes him more for returning the pills and everything else)

"Ah is ice cream not good?"

"A-Ah no no I mean yes Ice cream is fine! "

"Great!"

Oikawa was already tugging Hinata towards the ice cream shop and Hinata was too flustered to notice a pair of cat-like eyes observing close from behind *wink wink*  
*********

"Y-you don't have to--"

"What are you talking about Chibi-chan? I told you it's my treat plus what kind of man would I be if I made you pay?"

'What about me?' Hinata thought as he took a seat across from Oikawa in one of the table furthest away from the others, the umbrella blocking most of the sunlight. He looked down at his strawberry ice cream before he looked back at Oikawa happily enjoying his Mint ice cream. Hinata licked the sweet treat and smiled from the sweet and cold sensation on his tongue; he looked back up to see Oikawa had smeared some of his ice cream on the corners of his mouth like most kids would and somehow he couldn't hold back laughing. Oikawa looked up at him before he chuckled a bit and grabbed a paper towel to wipe it off, he was a bit embarrassed but...

"Well, I finally got you to relax enough to crack a smile."

Hinata's laugh had died down and he was embarrassed to say that he was feeling calmer now. He would've kicked himself for being to freaked out since he arrived but Oikawa dismissed him telling him it was no problem before pointing out the small bit of ice cream that somehow made it on the tip of Hinata nose without him realizing. He stuck his tongue out, trying to no avail to lick it off causing Oikawa to burst out in a dorky laugh. Oikawa passed him a towel and Hinata gladly accepted while he quickly licked the melted ice cream running down the sides of his cone. 

It was nice, Hinata thought, he was glad he could enjoy himself without feeling the need to run back home, away from others. He was grateful for this small moment where he didn't have to worry about being different and he could just enjoy an ice cream with someone he can now consider a friend, ( a rival too but that was specifically held on court). Oikawa told him a few things that had happened like Iwaizumi throwing a ball at his head for accepting someone's cookies and how his team all requested food that Oikawa would have to pay. Hinata laughed as Oikawa cried he was going broke and how he wasn't getting respect even though they both knew so many people, especially Aobajousai, had so much respect for Oikawa. Hinata told him about a few things like his cool senpais (nothing that would reveal any secrets to the enemy of course) and Stingyshima and of course Bakayama. They both enjoyed complaining about Kageyama but they both knew how much of a genius he was.

"See chibi-chan, people like us have to stick together and train harder so we can take down those stupid geniuses."

Hinata agreed and smiled before looking down,

"I really want to get stronger, I want to train harder and fight my own battle. Right now our quick works because of Kageyama but... I want to help too and not make him do everything."

Oikawa silently listened to Hinata, he could see why Hinata would say that and he knew something changing now could either break the team or make them even stronger....

"Well, why not? If you're unsatisfied then you should try to improve, isn't that what you seek? Improving?"

"Well, yes but my team...what if I--"

"Chibi-chan, you shouldn't let your team be the reason why you refuse to improve. If anything, they should be the reason why you want to improve. Tobio-chan may throw a fit about it but you forget one thing, you're the one in command, not Kageyama."

Hinata wasn't expecting Oikawa to encourage him, especially as a rival but off court Oikawa seemed more approachable and Hinata felt his words ease his worries a bit. He wasn't entirely sure if he should try anything yet in fear of ruining the stability and rhythm his team had just achieved but he knows things can't remain as they are if they want to improve like Oikawa said.

"I'll ...I'll try..."

Oikawa hummed before he got up and offered Hinata his hand.

"Well if you ever need help, you can always call me up~ I am a really good teacher *wink*"

Hinata cautiously took Oikawa's hand and let Oikawa guide him to the next place Oikawa had in mind.

"I'll think about it but, aren't we....enemies Grand King?"

"Says who Chibi-chan? We are friends now! We had a date and everything~ This and that are different when we aren't on court~"

"OK...um...also can you not call me chibi-chan? My name is Hinata Shouyou"

"Alright Hinata, but you have to call me Oikawa, as much as I like Grand King, I prefer my name."

"Fair enough, Oikawa-kun"

"Just Oikawa"

"...Oikawa"

"Yes Hinata?"

"...Where are we going?"

"The Park!"

"...the park?"  
***

Oikawa and Hinata walked around the park a bit before finding a bench near a lake. Surprisingly, there wasn't a lot of people in the park today, there were a few mothers with their kids on the playground; an old couple feeding the birds on the other side of the lake and a few occasional runners jogging by ever so often. They silently gazed at the lake, a duck swims by with her babies closely behind and Hinata spots one duckling that struggles to keep up, the gap gets bigger and Hinata feels scared for the duck. He feels he is also left behind and he was almost compelled to go in and help the duck when Oikawa's voice caught his attention. He turns to Oikawa, from the corner of his eye looking back to the duck

"Sorry did you say somethi..."

Hinata looks to see that either the duck had caught up or there was no duck, to begin with, he sighs a bit in relief and annoyance that it might be his imagination...

"Well...I was asking if you...If you have to take your pills?"

'Oh, I guess it's about that time....'

Hinata rummaged through his bag, he took out a pill and thankfully he had been smart to carry a water bottle. He felt Oikawa's eye on him but he didn't feel scared like he did last time, it almost seemed natural that he would do this and now that Oikawa knows there wouldn't be much to feel about that as opposed to someone who didn't know.

"You read the label right?"

Hinata wasn't looking at Oikawa but he knew the silence answered his question, still, he let Oikawa respond.

"I can't really lie and say I didn't.........so, they are for....does that mean..."

"I...I don't know...maybe. They help somewhat but I didn't really go to a doctor to say it's what I need. My mom just gave me some pills and somehow they seemed to help, but I did have to take a stronger dosage than what I had when I was younger. Don't know where she got them from really."

"Not even a psychologist? but...."

"My dad. He was really ashamed that he didn't want people to find out his son was crazy."

"But--that's---you're not--"

"I don't blame him for that, I can see why he left. I just wish I hadn't made it harder for my mom and Natsu, oh. She's my little sister, she doesn't know about the pills but she knows about the others."

"....'The Others'..?"

Hinata immediately bit his lip, he had prepared himself for this talk so much in his head that he let his words spill over but....he still didn't know about telling him that part....he wished Kuroko was here to guide him but he could probably guess how the others would react to Hinata telling another soul about them....he couldn't really hide that though because they were a huge part of his life....he just wasn't sure if he could reveal that part....

"It's okay if--"

"No no....just...give me a minute..."

Oikawa stayed silent, Hinata looked down at his trembling fisted hands, he was starting to feel the dizziness of the pill and his head felt heavier. He leaned further down and tried to focus on his breathing, he's not so much scared as he thought he would be but it was hard enough with everything else he had revealed to Oikawa. Granted, he hadn't gone into detail but it was probably a lot as it is to spill on Oikawa. He closed his eyes and opened them again, he repeated this until his vision was somewhat clearer and he looked back up to Oikawa who stared back.

"I....I can hear voices. In my head. Sometimes they are whispers and sometimes they are so loud I can't ignore them...the pills help make them go away for a short time but during the time I don't take them or can't.....they help me......."

Oikawa didn't say anything but he didn't think he could, all this time he had been trying to process what Hinata just revealed and honestly, it ticked him off a bit, especially with the lack of help Hinata had. He knew practically nothing about Hinata and yet he knew that Hinata's father was an asshole. He wasn't sure what to make of his mom and he couldn't comprehend how Hinata has lived with this his whole life, everyday waking to voices in his head and needing pills to swallow the pain down. He was honestly surprised how Hinata had managed to hide it for so long and....he wasn't sure what else he felt but he thinks it was respectable to keep this to himself and let Hinata finish.

"I...... I didn't make a lot of friends but I had some friends that help me since I was young. Kuroko, Akashi, Midorima, Aomine, Kise and Murasakibara. When I'm with them, the voices seem to disappear. They are part of the reason I pursued volleyball."

'Although some were disappointed I didn't choice basketball.'

Hinata thought as he took a sip of his water, Oikawa had not said anything and they both knew Hinata wasn't done.

"Also.. I am probably the only person who sees them."

****

"Well, Thanks again for today...gr--Oikawa"

"No problem, I had fun too ch-Hinata. It was my pleasure"

Oikawa and Hinata were in front of the train heading back to Miyagi. After walking some more after that reveal, the tense atmosphere dispersed somewhat and it had also gotten late. They grinned at each other for their mistake and Oikawa ruffled Hinata's hair

"I take it Karasuno will join the spring tournament?"

"Yup, and we won't loose this time."

"I guess we'll have to see, don't think I'm going to stand around, I have a few things I am working on, but I'm not telling ~ (iwa-chan would punish for sure if I said anything)"

"I am going to get stronger too. "

"I look forward to it."

Hinata looked back at Oikawa determined before his attention is taken away by the bell of the train signaling its last call before the doors close. He turned back to Oikawa who had his hands out in front of him. Hinata was confused before Oikawa pulled him into a hug, he was a bit tense before he melted into the hug. Maybe because he told Oikawa, he feels reassurance like he could count on him (and he had to admit, he needed some form of comfort after forcing himself down memory lane.)

"Take care okay Hinata? If you need something, don't hesitate to message me or call me... I won't mind how late it is."

This was probably the most sincere Hinata has heard Oikawa's voice and he understands why Oikawa is captain. He is reliable. He gives feedback and advice... Hinata can see him probably spoiling his underclassmen and listens to their troubles. He never doubted his leadership skills and some aspects of him remind Hinata of Daichi and Suga, probably a captain and setter thing (though he shook his head when he thought of Kageyama). Daichi...Suga... he probably worried them and Kageyama is probably angry Hinata refused extra practice (or he could be somewhat understanding and think Hinata is just tired from this whole week after seeing him almost have a meltdown....still, he would hate to confront Kageyama if he ever found out he went to see Oikawa of all people)

"Thanks...I'm glad I was able to get it off my chest and....thanks for not telling anyone...really, thank you Oikawa."

"Don't say that now I don't wanna let you leave~ You should transfer to Aobajousai so I can be your senpai and spoil you!"

Oikawa jokingly tightened the grip on Hinata and Hinata had to struggle a bit, laughing and telling Oikawa to let go or he will miss the train. Eventually, Oikawa released him and Hinata walked inside the train, he stayed by the window waving back at Oikawa until the doors closed and the train began to move. Oikawa remained there for a bit, watching the train go by, he had a lot to think about but he was really sure of one thing 

"Hinata Shouyou, I hope I can help you."  
****

Hinata replayed today's events in his head as he sat there on the train, even after he left the train, he was still unsure it really happened. He sent Oikawa a text to let him know he made it safe...he was really grateful to Oikawa but what had replayed in his mind was Oikawa's advice.

"I need to improve....but....how to..."

"Hinacchi! You're back~!!!"

Hinata was instantly tackled by Kise. Hinata focused on what was happening in front of him when felt himself laugh at a sudden realization.

"What is it Hinacchi?"

"Sorry sorry just that you remind me of Oikawa."

"What? No, you meant to say Oikawa reminds you of me right?? Wait! No, I am not like him! I love Hinacchi more!"

Hinata's laughed while the others joined in to see Hinata get home safe. He was allowed to use his bike again but had left it behind because e couldn't take it on the train with him and he couldn't leave it on the train station unprotected. It had gotten dark, about the same time Hinata would usually arrive home every day so he hoped his mother wouldn't freak that he was gone for most of the day. 

"You Told That Boy About Us?!"

Midorima's voice couldn't have been louder that his glasses would break from the shock. He knew it was going to get this reaction from them but it was still too loud for his poor ears.

"W-well I said I'd tell him...that includes you guys since your part of my life too..."

"O-of course we are part of your life! But what I mean is--I---you----this--"

While Midorima was trying to make coherent and complete sentences, Aomine had stepped in and swung his arm around Hinata.

"Great, you broke him Shouyou."

"Calm down Midorima."

"b-But--Akashi--"

"What's wrong? Isn't it better for Hinata for have someone to help me when we can't?"

"Yes-I see you're point but--"

"Then there is no reason to say more if Hinata trusts this Oikawa enough to tell him then I have no problem."

"I---are you not worried?"

"Worried? Of course, I worry about Hinata but rather than waste my time worrying, I'll just deal with it when it happens. I know many ways to silence someone and if this Oikawa Tooru opens his mouth then I'll make sure he doesn't have a voice to speak it."

"Akashicchi...that's a bit...."

"Hm? Oh, should I just dispose of him instead ?"

"Uh, no that's worse...don't do that."

"Don't worry Hina-chan, if he says anything I'll just crush him, okay?"

"...not you too Murasakibara..."

"Ha! Well, I guess it wouldn't be fair if I didn't promise to beat the boy black and blue if he so much as betrays Shouyou."

"Aggressive gorilla..."

"What did you call me Kise?!"

Hinata spent the rest of the walk with the Kise trying to explain to Akashi and Murasakibara (and Aomine) why violence is not the answer. Hinata noticed Kuroko had been more silent than usual (he would usually throw in one or two insults in the mix respectively at Aomine) and Hinata was worried. Before that, when he arrived home, he had to take the alcohol from his mom, hiding it away in the cupboards and checking up on Natsu (his mother would never hurt Natsu even in her drunk frenzies but Hinata had always sternly told Natsu to hide in her room and lock her door when their mom was like this. His mom usually drinks after she's tugged Natsu in bed but lately that didn't seem to be the case anymore.)  
He had managed to get her mom in bed, a few scratches proving that (her drunk frenzies made her act like a cat about to be bathed). In front of Natsu's door, he notices it's locked so he knocks in a certain way that was their own little code to tell it was him. He hears tiny steps before there is a click and the door is open revealing a mop of orange hair.

"Onii-chan. Did you meet the Grand King?"

"Yup, he told me that he wanted to meet you someday, he told me he never met a princess before."

Natsu giggled at that and Hinata enters the room, he could see papers scattered around with crayons that meant she must have been drawing. Natsu runs to grab a paper and runs back to show him.

"Look! It's you and me and mommy!"

Hinata, smiled as he takes the picture and admires it (making sure to express all his amazement with "oohs" and "aahs". Natsu's smile grows wider in accomplishment and Hinata felt a bittersweet feeling. As happy as he was, he did notice the absence of the 'dad' figure, thankfully Natsu had never asked and it was left unspoken but....he feels like a talk was bound to happen. He felt guilty he was the reason Natsu lost the chance to have a father, but he promised he would fill both roles as the best big brother he could possibly be, he just hopes it's enough for Natsu. There were a few bad memories lingering in his head after today but he ignored that and drew a bit with Natsu before tugging her in bed. Rather than a story, Natsu wanted to know everything about Oikawa and Hinata gladly told her all the parts except the confession.

"He looks like a prince! He must be a prince!"

Hinata looked back at the picture he and Oikawa took back at the ice cream shop, both making ridiculous faces, their mouth and nose covered in ice cream from their clumsy eating.

"Really? A prince?"

"Yup! Like the one in fairy tales!"

Hinata laughed a bit at the thought of a prince with a face full of ice cream. He finally got Natsu to sleep when he got ready for bed but before that.  
**

"Kuroko?"

Hinata looked around his room, he failed to catch a glimpse of Kuroko (he was almost invisible when he wanted to ) but he knew Kuroko was in here somewhere...

"Kuroko I know you're there...Is something wrong? Ah, is it about last time? I know I had a panic attack but that wasn't his fault, I freaked out and after that, I wasn't good at taking a loss...Kuroko? I'm okay, really. Oikawa didn't hurt me."

Hinata patiently looked into the darkness until he felt someone's weight on the spot next to him. He turns to see Kuroko but Kuroko hadn't made eye contact. Hinata moves his hand under Kuroko's chin and slowly raised Kuroko's head so that they are meeting eye to eye.

"You shouldn't be so worried or your face will get a permanent scowl like Kageyama's."

Hinata's joke made Kuroko's small scowl deepen, it was cute but Hinata didn't want Kuroko to be upset.

"Sorry Sorry, but really, I'm fine, he didn't do anything."

Kuroko continued to stare before he sighed and pushed Hinata's face away in a playful way. Hinata giggled and let Kuroko push him away though he did light-heatedly complain and tried to bring Kuroko into a hug. Kuroko continued to push Hinata away when Aomine and Kise walked in. Aomine found it gross while Kise said it was adorable.

"Watch out Shouyou, Tetsu is just jealous."

"Shut up Aomine. I'm not you."

"Whatever you say Tetsu."

Aomine looked unfazed, cleaning his ear with his pinky before walking out with Kise (who was dragged, crying how he wanted to stay and watch)

"...Why did they come in the first place?"

"..Probably came in to check up on us.."

Hinata looked back at Kuroko, he barely heard his comment because he was more concerned with something else.

"So, You were jealous?"

Kuroko's cheeks regained a pink hue so rather than responding, he turned his head away from Hinata. Hinata looked back at Kuroko and laughed before throwing his weight on Kuroko.

"Why didn't you say so!"

"...You're heavy ...."

"Oikawa is Oikawa and You are You! Just because I told him doesn't mean he is replacing you, Oikawa is like a really cool senpai, almost like a big brother! He could never be Kuroko( or anyone for that matter) except you!"

"..."

"Come on, I thought you told me to trust others and not keep it all bottled in. I thought you would've been happy!"

"...I am...just....Shouyou, what am I to you?"

Hinata's laugh died down and they stared eye to eye, Hinata didn't know what Kuroko meant but.

"You're my Kuroko"

Hinata leaned into kiss Kuroko's cheek and then his forehead, pulling back with a smile graced on his lips. Kuroko sighed again from not getting a proper response but it was the type of 'Hinata-like answer' he expected.

"You're insufferable sometimes."

"But you love me"

Kuroko flicked his head and told him to take his pills, begrudgingly, Hinata complied and sent a few text to Oikawa and Kenma before he went to sleep.  
***

Training had proceeded like usual, Kageyama did chew him out for not replying but he did ask if Hinata got any sleep. It was an improvement on Kageyama's social skills but it was still rough around the edges (with screaming at Hinata half the time). Hinata remembers when they were racing each other until he ended up lost, again but thankfully Kageyama was there (though he realized it was worse with Kageyama's poor sense of direction matching his own). Coincidently they ran into Japan's Ushijima and got a 'tour' of Shiratorizawa. It was strange to think Kageyama would have gone here if he hadn't been rejected and Ushijima made a point to mention this. What probably irked Hinata was when he talked about Oikawa and his team. While he agreed Oikawa was an amazing player, he was pissed off that Ushijima would dismiss the rest of the team. He remembers their match and how Oikawa talked about them. They were just as good, just because they won against them doesn't mean he could dismiss their skill like that and since Aobajousai beat Karasuno it made Hinata wonder.....

"Then what are we, concrete?"

That also pissed Hinata off that he made a point to run and jump, robbing Ushijima of the volleyball that he would've caught. In his anger, he wasn't scared to challenge 'Japan' and he glared at the taller teen who didn't back down even if Hinata's jump came as a shocker. They had to leave when a school staff member caught them, but Hinata had other plans in his mind, he would beat Aobajousai and then he would win against Shiratorizawa...to do that, he would need to fix some of his flaws.  
****

In the time when Karasuno had been training and Hinata helped bring in a new member that all helped him and Kageyama study....he knew, he knew studying was not going to help him, even with Tsukishima's help and the new manager Yachi 's notes. At least he didn't fail alone, but he his determination didn't waver.

"Wait, do you think I can ride my bike to Tokyo? How long would that take?"

He was contemplating every possible way to get to Tokyo but thankfully Tanaka promised he would cover that so they could focus on passing the make-up. Back at home, let's say, Akashi and Midorima were not pleased when they heard the results (especially when it was all right except for the fact that it was bubbled wrong). Needless to say, their study sessions became more intense...by the end of each one, all Hinata could do was stare at nothing, mumbling incoherently. 

While Karasuno was already off in Tokyo with Nekoma, Kageyama and Hinata managed to finish their tests and couldn't get out of there faster. In front of the school exit reveals a van and turns out their driver waiting for them was Tanaka's sister Saeko-san. She wasted no time to step on the accelerator and off they were. Hinata felt impatient, he really wanted to play and it was taking to long, curse his stupid brain for failing him. Saeko tried to ease him with stories of his idol, Small Giant. Hinata was happy to hear stories about his idol and he hoped he could get as good as him. For now, he would focus on improving in the training camp, learning from powerhouses and then maybe, he could do it.  
****

Hinata was so glad to be on the court again, now that they were here it seemed like Karasuno was able to gain a few victories but it felt like it was catching up near the end. Someone had managed to touch Hinata's quick spike and it was scaring him. He remembered back to the time Aobajousai had successfully blocked him and he was growing more worried. Oikawa's words stuck in his head and he felt a greed surface in him but, would he act on it? 

"Yo Chibi-chan, about time you guys came."

Hinata was glad to see Kenma and Kuroo again. After he told them it was nothing, Kenma didn't ask more but he knew it was probably in the back of his mind ( it seemed more obvious with Kuroo who was not being discreet with his observing and strange questions quickly cut off by Kenma. Hinata asked Kenma about some video games (since he didn't have any) when he remembered Nekoma had a new teammate. Kenma handed him a couple games and told him a few things about the guy like how bad he is compared to Hinata and he's half Russian. Hinata took a small offense to that jab at his poor skills but he knew right now he sucked at everything else like receives. He had gone to the restroom when he encountered said new teammate of Nekoma, Lev. It was crazy how tall he was, he was almost as tall as Murasakibara! Hinata internally freaked not, never thinking he would never meet anyone near Murasakibara's height but he was also scrambling in his head if he knew any Russian (he did not). Lev didn't either, but he knew that he was Nekoma's ace. Hinata had banged his head from jumping to meet Lev's height and was currently crouched and holding his head when he had to crank his head further up to meet Lev's face in question.

"The ace is the one who scores the most points for the team."

Hinata agreed with that statement but he felt a challenge when Lev said that. He remembered that he too was aiming for ace and he felt that greed start to resurface when he was playing the next day. He kept his eye on the ball like it was his prey, he was so fixated on the ball he didn't realize the moment he tried to spike it until he bumped into Asahi and fell to the unforgiving ground. He realizes what he had just done and profusely apologizes to Asahi, of course, but even so, the greed did not leave his system and it was craving more.

Karasuno felt a shift and while they were on break, Hinata decided there was no going back. He needed to change, he felt unsatisfied and the greed in him was seeking to grow, seeking improvement.

"Kageyama, I'm going to stop closing my eyes."

If Kageyama was mad that Hinata tried to steal the ball from the ace, then now he was furious. Hinata was relentless because he knew this needed to be done, he couldn't keep a blind eye for so long and not have it catch up to him and his team, it had already cost them their game with Aobajousai and he knew he couldn't have that. happen again 

He tried and failed but he wasn't expecting Ukai-sensei to take him out. It was a blow to Hinata, especially when both Kageyama and Ukai-sensei denied his wish, Hinata knew they didn't want to try anything risky and have Hinata bring the team down with him but it still hurt to be shut down like that, as bad as a team shutting down his spike. Things ended on a rough note and they ended on a rougher note when he broke in a fight with Kageyama, not long after that. He couldn't help it, Hinata didn't wish to damn his own team but he was so unsatisfied with how things were, he wasn't going to quit but it was taking a toll on him that he was bound to blow up, especially with Kageyama who had refused to toss to him like he had when they started as teammates. He didn't plan it to escalate to a physical fight but that how things crumble and thank Tanaka for stopping them before Hinata did anything to make the situation worse. It still hurt Hinata, not the bruises but the fight with Kageyama that put a hole in their relationship because they were both stubborn. Hinata pedaled harder and furiously wiped the tears from his eyes. When he got home, he went straight to his room and 'locked' himself in. He refused to take his pills, he wanted to do nothing more than stay here and drown his tears with his pillow. He thought he should hide his phone during these times he is not himself but he remembers Oikawa's words and reaches for his phone.

Oikawa: I got into a fight with Kageyama. I don't know how to fix it.

"Shouyou..? Shouyou, What's wrong?"

He could feel Kuroko near, he didn't reply but he feels Kuroko rub his back, soothing him while Hinata continued to silently cry. The others came in the room panicked and were trying to get answers from Hinata and Kuroko. Hinata managed to calm down enough to explain what happened and how he felt. Aomine and some of those who entered the zone could understand the greedy feeling in Hinata while Kuroko could understand the pain of fighting with a close teammate. He was still a mess after his cry session and he felt really exhausted.... he wasn't sure how to deal with tomorrow and while Aomine and Kise took his side and defended Hinata, they all did agree to leave it alone and have a time for Kageyama to also sort out his problems alone. Hinata had to agree but he was not sure how the coach would react, hopefully, he wouldn't try to make him patch things up with Kageyama because right now Hinata feels it would lead to another fist fight.

"Onii-chan? What's wrong?"

Hinata took his pill when he heard the door open and quickly hid the bottle while a blob of orange popped from the door frame.

"Sorry I didn't read you a story, I was a bit tired."

"no, It's okay......... Your eyes are puffy again onii-chan....are you hurt onii-chan? You have bandages on your face."

"No it's nothing, don't worry ....your brother got in a fight with a friend and so now he's reflecting."

"Oh no....was it the prince?"

"No, it wasn't Oikawa, it was with Kageyama."

Hinata said as he walked Natsu back to his room to tugged her in.

"Don't worry Onii-chan....I know you will makeup, I'll make 100 cranes! I heard they can cure anything!"

Hinata laughed a bit before explaining to Natsu that 10 is enough.  
***

Hinata and Kageyama don't talk after that, they weren't uncooperative with each other on the court but you wouldn't see them hanging out like usual.

"So, did you have to come bug me?"

Tsukishima was annoyed to see the team split because the idiots got into a fight. He was there to see Hinata try to change during the time in the training camp and he could see why Hinata thought it wasn't enough to stick with the same tactic. It was a surprise move but one too many times and it's predictable and easy to block. He also knew why the coach and Kageyama thought it was a bad idea, given how things are right now. He looked over at the boy who was silent for once and not running around. He thinks this should be nice for one to have the orange haired ball of energy not yell at the top of his lungs and move around with boundless stamina but... somehow a silent Hinata was more annoying to Tsukishima as much as the closed-lipped one.

"What are you listening to?"

"...." 

Tsukishima glanced over to Hinata who looked in the direction of the court, his voice was nonchalant but his eyes held a sort of longing and pain, really no matter what this boy does, it was irritating to Tsukishima. He still had yet to figure out who Kuroko was (given that he only had the last name to go by and nothing more)......he sighed again and removed his headphones before placing them over Hinata. Hinata was a bit startled by this but soon he relaxed and closed his eyes to focus on the music blaring through the set (though a softer slower song had been playing when Tsukishima removed them.

"hm....It's nice."

Hinata concluded as he listened in, slightly bobbing his head to the beat. Tsukishim didn't say anything but took the chance to make some observations. Hinata seemed paler, his messy hair seemed more obvious and he did remember his eyes had a hint of red around the edges. He assumed it was from the fight (probably cried) and a lack of sleep but then Tsukishima remembered those pills he heard in Hinata's bag the first time they met and again when he hid them in his bag (Tsukishima also noticed in between tat time was when Hinata was acting even more erratically ). Hinata is probably not taking them like he probably should. Tsukishima felt a migraine hit him, he felt like he was a stalker or worse, like, he was supposed to be this kid's mother and nag him to do basic things (though that was Daichi and Suga's job). He really needed another hobby that wasn't observing people, especially Hinata. He heard the whistle and it appeared Hinata somehow heard through the blaring music.

"Here, thanks, it was a cool song."

Hinata walked off and Tsukishima stared back at his headphones, why did this kid have to be the root of Tsukishima's problems?

Hinata felt like he was a ghost because heck he scared himself when he looked into the mirror that morning. He decided to ignore it, he thought about taking Oikawa's offer to train together but he wasn't sure if it was right for him to do so, they were enemies from rival schools, but more than that, Oikawa had done enough by just listening to Hinata. He called him after he got Natsu to bed and he wasn't sure if he should answer but somehow they ended up talking well into the night. He still felt like crap, but his conversation with Oikawa helped enough to continue with practice.  
***

Kageyama wasn't sure how to work with Hinata, he could see the pros and cons but he wasn't even sure how it could work. His fight with Hinata had left a bitter taste in his mouth and he was sure it was really affecting Hinata but he couldn't ask, he was too stubborn....dammit, he was even considering getting help from Oikawa...but....... and then just like that it happened and when he saw Oikawa with his nephew, Kageyama felt his legs move on their own, he needed to fix this, he needed to figure out his next move and how to face Hinata and himself.

'You really messed up this time, Tobio-chan."

Oikawa looked at Kageyama who was bowed in front of him, asking for help. He would've laughed if someone told him this would happen, but Oikawa was finding it humorless when he knows why Tobio was begging for help. He wouldn't say he is protective of Hinata but.. he kinda was. He remembered the kid sounding so depressed to have fought with his first real teammate and Oikawa didn't have to see Hinata know it was going to mentally take his toll, he just hopes the boy is taking his pills although he knows he is probably drowning in those voices with his sadness. He wants to refuse Kageyama but he also didn't want this to mess Hinata up......as a test he did refuse once to see how serious Kageyama was and Kageyama seemed dead set on repairing this. Oikawa listened to Kageyama, cutting any bs and telling Kageyama clear cut what he told Hinata about who was in command here. Hopefully, he got somewhere with that thick headed idiot......oh well... he will remember to text Hinata later to check up on him.....at least he got a picture to gloat to Iwa-chan, unfortunately, it was blurry.

Hinata was stumped when Ukai decided to take him on a trip, there, he meets the old coach Grandpa Ukai and he tells that coach as clear as he could

"I want to fight my own battles."

Hinata is determined to make some form of breakthrough, he will make use of the upcoming training camp.


	9. Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata works to hone his skill and it's going to just get harder for Hinata to keep this a secret when everyone suspicious is going to be present in the upcoming Training camp. Karasuno meets new teams and there is a shift in gears as they try different skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, I had actually planned to write this part in the last chapter but I ran out of time and I really wanted to flush this out rather than rush it. I had some writer's block thinking about this but it also took a while because I wanted to check it and not just write the whole chapter til 3 am when I collapse into sleep like the other chapters (though it happened again with this chapter, dam) and then wake up regretting my terrible grammar errors I overlooked (^-^;)

Grandpa Ukai was as brutal as he was effective in teaching Hinata the basics in tempo and syncing with setters. Hinata understood a bit more about what Oikawa meant. Hinata had to practice over and over but eventually, he was able to think about his next move without losing focus. He didn't freak out as much when the toss wasn't in sync and he felt some control over where he wanted to spike the ball on the court. He would occasionally see a spotlight behind the blockers that guide his spike in places that were open. This was all incomplete though but it was a start. He still refused contact with Kageyama but he had a goal in mind and he wouldn't go into self-loathing. Kuroko saw his change in demeanor and he was glad that Hinata was back on his feet but he does have one worry.

'There seem to be fewer and fewer pills...... will they last?'

There was a limit to everything and the bottle had hit past its half empty mark. How long would they last? There was also the matter of its effectiveness, he remembers Hinata mentioning a creature that lurks in the corner of his eye, even when he was sure he took his meds. Kuroko could tell that this creature scared Hinata and it was very off-putting to think Hinata sees this creature when he's not around. Perhaps it was due to the time when Hinata had lost his pills but the effects seem to wear off faster or maybe Hinata had gotten immune to them....is a stronger dosage needed? Kuroko didn't really want to think that as a possibility but he does know every day the pills get fewer and fewer that he wasn't sure what would happen once they are all gone. Hinata's mom was the one who introduced these pills but with how out of control she has gotten with alcohol....... it would be hard to think she can get another dosage when she hardly leaves the house. Hinata had always told Kuroko he never knows how his mom acquired the pills or even money for that matter but he never questioned it .....in the end, Hinata had always assumed she had a freelance job over the computer or something. A stronger possibility was someone has been supplying her with necessities (but it scared Hinata to think that especially when he thought why ...) Someone popped into Hinata's head before he quickly changed the subject to get rid of the dreaded feeling in his chest.......Kuroko watches Hinata's pained expression shift into a small forced smile and Hinata would always comment how he was glad his mom still has the strength to take Natsu to and from the daycare nearby while remaining sober and partly hungover( he was also glad for how smart Natsu was for her age). It did pain Kuroko but he was hoping volleyball would ease the pain for Hinata, maybe he can meet more people that can help like Oikawa Tooru, at least a bit more than Kuroko could but....that always made Kuroko feel heavy and hollow at the same time. Undoubtedly, Kuroko hoped for Hinata to overcome his struggles as much as he was terrified about what would lie at the end of that...especially for his existence....he took in a deep, shaky breath and looked over at the other's knowing smiles. Through everyone's head, the thought was always there but they always pushed it aside to focus on their goal, their purpose: Help and protect Hinata Shouyou, they all knew their role and Kuroko's role was to provide the comfort Hinata seeks in his lowest moments. He tried to rid himself of any negative thoughts and the others pat his back in reassurance. He may be the least expressive but sometimes he felt like the most emotional, especially when Hinata was involved....And just like Hinata, he felt a little better when he sensed the other when he saw that wavy orange hair and bright smile ready to pour out everything that happened like it was the most amazing thing ever. Kuroko was always glad to hear Hinata's voice and he silently wished he can continue to hear it more...maybe that wouldn't be too selfish of him, he knows the others feel the same as they greet Hinata from his nightly training.  
***

A day before Karasuno would return to Tokyo, Kenma finished practice and stared at his phone, going back through the conversations he's had with a certain small crow. The last time he saw Hinata, he knew something must have happened between his team because he didn't play for the end of that game. Kenma could feel the frustration radiate off Hinata as he sat on the bench, his head cast down and hands gripped together. He wasn't able to talk to Hinata when Karasuno left but he watched worriedly as the boy silently left, only able to give them a small goodbye (he thought Lev wouldn't notice the forced smile Hinata had when he bid him goodbye but the half Russian did notice a slight change after his previous talk with Hinata).

"I guess coach was right, looks like chibi wants to change but it seems like Karasuno might not be ready to accept that yet."

Kenma hummed in response to Kuroo as they had watched Karasuno's bus leave that day. Kenma had several questions about Hinata, but he stopped himself knowing how Hinata must feel. Maybe, maybe one day he might tell Kenma on his own, explain that scared look he had the day they met, why he had gotten discreet with his messages, why he met Oikawa and why he saw them at the park and Hinata seemed to be taking pills .....(Kuroo dragged him along to spy on them but they were not close enough to hear anything, although Kenma told Kuroo they should leave it alone like Hinata asked them to).......

"I'm worried if Shrimpy will be okay, he looked crushed when he came back from his talk with his coach. Hm…. Hey, Kenma, why don't you ask him about it? You're also curious and Karasuno probably doesn't know about Aobajousai's captain meeting---"

"Kuroo."

Kuroo looked back at Kenma before he sighed and scratched his head, a small habit he had when he felt frustrated or worried but couldn't say anything. He walked back to the others with Kenma, they were both frustrated that they couldn't figure Hinata out, they were usually able to make conclusions based on observations but all they can read on Hinata besides his skill on court was that the kid was going through something and the only other person who seems to know is Oikawa Tooru. Kuroo felt most of his worry stems from watching Kenma stress over this, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't also worried if Karasuno even knew what was going on with their own teammate. Based on reactions alone, it seemed like even Karasuno couldn't figure Hinata out, and if they had suspicions, they kept them to themselves for now. From the corner of his eye, he watches Kenma fumble with his phone, he typed something in the chat box before he erased the message and closed his phone with a defeated sigh. As much as he felt a bit proud to see Kenma try initiating conversation with someone and worrying about something outside of his video games, Kuroo didn't wish to see his best friend drive himself insane.

"I'll leave it alone if you ask but you know it looks like you still haven't Kenma."

He continued, ignoring Kenma's look.

"You'll see Shrimpy again, you can try to at least talk to him then and see if he needs help. He doesn't want you to worry so just give him time to come around, okay?"  
'Chibi-chan probably doesn't know how much he's affecting Kenma'

"….You sound so sure."

"Haha, well can't say for sure but that's the impression I get from the kid. You're the one who said to leave it alone because chibi-chan said so and I think he knows that. Based on your conversations I think he trusts you more than me ."

"………"

'At least Kenma seemed calmer…..well, hopefully, I'm right about Shrimpy and he can trust Kenma enough to tell him though…I think it's affecting me too.'

"Kuroo!"

Kuroo almost jumps in surprise as Bokuto stands in front of him in all his confidence, Akaashi silently standing next to Bokuto, only muttering 

"Don't shout Bokuto."

"Hey, Kuroo was that the one you were talking about?! With the angry setter?"

"Yup, that was the weird duo"

Kuroo listened to Bokuto, he was a captain too so like Kuroo, Bokuto could tell Hinata's skill along with its problems that needed improvements. He mentioned how Hinata was pulled out in the end and wondered out loud if he got in trouble.

"It looked like something happened in the end."

Akaashi was quiet until now but he had been observing the situation from the start. He saw the obvious about what happened and he was sure Hinata realized the flaw in his technique.

"Ah! You're right Akaashi. In the end, he looked depressed like he turned emo or.."

"You're the one who goes into emo mode Bokuto."

"A-Akaashi!"

It seemed like Hinata's behavior was more apparent but no one was closer to the truth about why. It felt like a puzzle with all the pieces laid out but all the pieces were white and therefore void of any guide to help piece it together; a milk puzzle.

"---Well his team is coming back so maybe I'll talk to him and see!"

"Bokuto…"

Kuroo zoned out so he didn't hear what was said before Bokuto went back, determined with a goal in mind…..did something happen? He felt like something was going to happen the next time they see Karasuno and he wasn't sure if it would be good or bad.  
****

Hinata looked back at his phone and sighed. He wasn't the best texter but he felt like he hasn't texted Kenma as much as he used to. They still text back and forth about games and random things Hinata would send. One time, he sent Kenma a picture of the neighborhood cat that would roam around and comment how he looked like Kuroo with its black fur and sneaky, prankster attitude- not that Kuroo was sneaky but Hinata didn't know much about Nekoma's captain aside from his confident attitude on court and the text messages he gets from time to time that sort of reminded him of Oikawa in a way (maybe it was a captain thing for them to be very confident and curious about certain things). Back to the subject, Hinata can tell there is something that lingers over his shoulders when he texts Kenma that make it harder to press send. Maybe a guilt, not telling Kenma anything even though he knows Kenma is probably confused when he lets vague messages slip by in a silent confession left alone. He trusts Kenma and he somehow feels like Kenma would understand……. but the years of his mom's warnings, being so used to hiding his secret and the thought of the others who he would leave in the shadows…it was hard enough to let Oikawa in and it already felt like he told too many, said too much. He could tell it would probably hurt his team if they ever found out he was getting help from his rivals, the enemy but really…….Karasuno was the last group of people he wanted to tell. It was not a matter of trust but of the illusion that he told himself religiously like a magic charm; if he doesn't say then he could keep his façade, keep what he has created in Karasuno, with his team, keep it untainted by his personal issues. He said is so many times because he wants it so bad to be real, the dream that things can stay as they are and the need to keep a wall to protect this happiness, the sense he gets from Karasuno, where he is a normal boy, not crazy. Not crazy. Not…..maybe that's why it's easier to tell someone else, anyone else because then it doesn't risk the fall of relationships, of ties with people you care so much about, people you don’t want to reveal your darkest side, your darkest secrets. Oikawa was practically a stranger when he told him and now they were so close with every message, he was so happy he met someone who could accept every side of Hinata Shouyou. Hinata is probably hesitating because Kenma has gotten close to being in that special circle of people he holds dear, the ones he selfishly never wants to reveal his secrets to for their own safety and his own because the rejection was a real factor of terror for him. Rejection, hate, disgust, he can see the face of that man that looked down at Hinata with so much disappointment, so much negativity. 

Hinata is scared, that blob of inky black gathers together in the shape of a figure, a man? He can never look at it directly because it would remain at the edge of his vision like a constant reminder, not always apparent but a constant reminder. It stands there, never too close nor too far but……maybe …it had gotten …..bigger? Hinata's lower lip trembles slightly so he tugs his knees closer and tries to hide his face, he is scared of that thing. What's worse? His pills and whatever else he tries is not making it go away. Even when Kuroko consoles him, he can sense the presence of that…thing, even if his eyes are closed and hug Kuroko tighter. From that day on, he takes two pills simultaneously rather that one, it will significantly decrease the number of pills left but Hinata doesn't care. He wishes it will go away….but even when the new amount of pills make it disappear, its lingering presence does not and remains like gum under his shoe.  
****

"Do you have everything you need? Did you pack your toothbrush? Change of clothes--ah, Oha Asa said to take this and your color is light blue so have something with that alright and--" [A/n: Actually looked up Oha Asa horoscope]

Midorima was talking rapidly like a worried mother, making sure Hinata had everything, he quickly shoved Hinata's drinking bottle filled with Aojiru in his hands and told Hinata to drink it on the way. Hinata made a face at the vegetable drink but nodded, trying to tell Midorima he was going to be late. Thankfully Aomine got him off his back but Kise took over.

"Hinacchi, are you sure you want to go? Don't you wanna stay here and practice with us? I'm worried, Tokyo is too far away and last time--"

"Kise, Hinata is not a child anymore and it's part of his volleyball training. "

Akashi got Kise to release Hinata although he was still mumbling things that could go wrong. Akashi straightened Hinata's jacket that Kise wrinkled in his death grip and pat Hinata's shoulder like a proud father.

"Take care and don't cause your team any issues alright? Don't forget you still have to take care of your studies and I trust you already have everything else done before leaving right?"

The glint in Akashi's golden eye made Hinata straighten up instinctively

"Y-Yes!"

"Then take care and I'll look forward to seeing you once you hone your skills. You plan to use this to crush that Oikawa boy right?"

'He's still salty about Oikawa…'

Hinata gulped and just nodded to satisfy Akashi, he said some scary things but he knows he means well (even if it still gives him goosebumps at the thought of facing Akashi's wrath)

"Hina-chan."

"Y-yea Murasaki--"

Hesitantly, he turns away from Akashi to Murasakibara who gently rubs his head, messing his hair but not that Hinata cares. He couldn't speak because Murasakibara stuffed a few pocky sticks in his mouth. Hinata fist pumps Aomine who tells him to beat everyone, he doesn't see Kuroko which upsets him a bit but he was needing to make it to school earlier than usual so they would take the bus and arrive in Tokyo by the time the training camp began. He rides his bike down the hill and begins to pedal faster when a flash of light blue makes him press down on the brakes faster than his brain processing what happened. He almost crashes from the force he stopped at his current speed but he managed to stop without falling off his bike. Kuroko stood in front of him, he did not move or attempt to say anything while Hinata was staring at him unsure if Kuroko was really there.

"Kuroko…?"

Hinata didn't have a clock but really he wouldn't give it a glance because he was more focused on Kuroko and thoughts to rush to school were replaced with worry about the light blue haired boy teen in front of him. Hinata parked his bike and slowly walked up to Kuroko who remained silent, he didn't know what to say now that he was in front of his but when he was about to hug or call out to him again, Kuroko looked up and moved forward, leaned in and shortened the space between the two. Hinata was so surprised he felt he was pushed back but he was focused on Kuroko's lips that had kissed him so many times before, his cheeks, his forehead, hand, back….almost everywhere but….never his lips. So, this shocked Hinata to the point he almost felt a slight shock like static when their lips met and Hinata's heart was like a beast in a cage, ramming in his chest trying to get out. Hinata never kissed anyone on the lips and was never kissed on the lips so he felt like a frozen statue with so many thoughts running through his head. Was he supposed to kiss back? Close his eyes? The kiss was a light peck on the lips and there was a cold sensation of Kuroko's lips but an even colder and lonely feeling when he pulled back. Hinata watched Kuroko step back and hide his face, looking away. There was so much color on Kuroko's face that the red dusted on his cheeks was even more enhanced by his pale skin. Kuroko remained tightlipped and silently looked down at the floor, the shock that froze Hinata had thawed and even though his voice hasn't returned, he felt a natural urge within him that craved more, felt the need to lean back in and share the gesture back, make the moment last. He copied Kuroko and leaned in, except this time, he wrapped his arms around Kuroko and deepened the kiss when Kuroko's arms followed after his own, holding Hinata close. It was the first kiss so it was sloppy and inexperienced, they didn't know what they were doing and only went with what felt right. They had to pull away because oxygen was still a necessity but also because time still moved forward even when they didn't want it to.  
They didn't need to say words because they expressed all they needed to. Before splitting ways, they continued to stay there, hold hands and press their foreheads together, just taking in each other's presence. They didn't know what was going to happen or how this would work but they just knew they had each other. They leaned on each other for support and even when Kuroko watched Hinata get on his bike again and go off, that feeling of each other, one hot and one cold, was still lingering with both of them, Hinata was no longer sluggish and Kuroko felt less weighed down, they both felt lighter than ever.  
****

 

They were not tardy this time, thankfully. Hinata takes in the sight and points at the tallest tower, was it Tokyo tower?! No, no it was not but Hinata was still happy to be back and reunite with Kenma. He gave Kenma the biggest smile, Hinata tried to push back every worry he had because right now volleyball was his priority and he was hoping he could redeem himself from last time. He licks his lips at the prospect of playing again.

Hinata was busy trying to improve but he became aware of Karasuno's shift when they played. Even Kageyama appeared to change in the tosses he gave Hinata which surprised Hinata at first until he remembered Oikawa's text from weeks ago when he first started his training with Grandpa Ukai.

Oikawa: You might get the toss you want. You can thank me later ;)

Hinata wasn't sure if Oikawa had this particular toss in mind but Hinata was sure he had something to do with Kageyama's sudden shift so he makes a note to thank Oikawa later. Just like Hinata, Kageyama can tell Hinata is hyper focused and thought more about his next move rather than going purely on instinct. It was a moment for realization for each other and Karasuno as a whole, they were striving for change and this training camp would be dedicated to expanding and development for each member….well, all of them except Tsukishima. 

Tsukishima was on the fence about things, he had his reasons, but he felt the longer he stayed, the more he would be pulled into this. This was just a club, it was all it was to Tsukishima and he wouldn't go through the same thing his brother had, he learned it was pointless… Yet, why was he being pulled deeper into this? First Hinata and the way he was so stupidly dedicated to volleyball (reminding himself of his brother and his old self), then his senpais trying to involve him in their efforts, even Yamaguchi was pulled in and seems to be waiting for Tsukishima to join in…and now these guys from another team are joining in and Tsukishima feels like he has to prove something now. He hates it but he also tries to resist it, he knows it effortless and like his brother he had once upon a time loved volleyball. He blames that on his brother (as he tried to follow in his footsteps) and he also blames that fateful day that broke his illusion of him and volleyball as a whole…..he didn't want to be part of this and yet he was already too far in to use the excuse that it didn't matter, that nothing did. When was it? The last time they were here in Tokyo? Their loss to Aobajousai? Their battle with Dateko? Nekoma? That stupid 3-vs-3 game they had because that stupid weird duo couldn't work together and knocked the principal's wig off? Dammit. To think, Yamaguchi was the one to yell at him for this, was he really acting so uncool? Well, he probably was and Yamaguchi had to call him out on it (when did Yamaguchi become so cool?). He smiled at Yamaguchi and made a decision on his way to those strange captains that offered him extra practice. He could've done without someone telling him that he (probably) sucks at volleyball but he was trying to find that moment where he would regain his love from volleyball and see how much fun it can be….and right after that, he can find out what it is that Hinata is hiding. Tsukishima's secrets are out, so it's only right for Hinata to fess up, at least that's Tsukishima's logic.  
****

'Was it always so little?'

Hinata raised the bottle in front of him and jiggled it to see the remaining pills shake inside. He had been practicing with Kageyama on their new attack (though it is going to take a while for them to sync up so Kageyama decided they should practice separately like before.) and a bit with Kenma when it was time to eat. He ate a bit before excusing himself to shower and quickly go into his room to take his pills before anyone would see him, though his lack of appetite was very apparent, it worried Suga and Daichi while Nishinoya and Tanaka were trying to force him to eat more. Speaking of, Hinata felt queasy from the extra food he was forced to eat that he felt the need to go to the restroom. Hinata has had the worst encounters in bathrooms but today seemed like the worst. While everyone else was probably still in the cafeteria or bath, Hinata walked alone in the dark hallway, his anxiety growing with every step. He wasn't always this much of a scaredy cat but this time he felt like something was lurking in the shadow, watching and following, and it was. From the corner of his eye, he sees it again. That...creature, it's here again. Hinata walks faster but it feels like the hallway just gets longer like a maze and every small light is extinguished as the darkness engulfs and snuffs out any source of light. Hinata feels like the creature is taking over, it's spreading in the darkness and he was right...it was getting bigger. His heart was racing tremendously like it had when Kuroko kissed him only, this isn't a pleasant feeling born out of love, it was one of pure fear and he was horrified at the thought of what this creature was and what it'd do once it caught Hinata. He was running now despite the voice of Ukai-sensei ringing in his ear to stop running but he pushed it out and ran harder. He ran until he saw a sign and made a sharp turn, slamming his body into the door to push himself inside the bathroom. The lights automatically turned on detecting motion and Hinata couldn't stop his body from moving when it continued forward until it hit the wall and he slid to the ground. He shuffles to the corner and sharply breathes in and out. He is trying to regulate his breathing but he can't focus on anything but the door and the darkness behind each stall; it's here. It's here and Hinata is scared, tears are streaming down his cheeks and his breathing gets worse. He holds his hands to his ears, he took his pills so he can't hear the voices but he is sure there is a rattling...... he took his pills...he did so... why...why......the lights were going to go off again if he doesn't move and Hinata tries, he really does. But he feels paralyzed in fear and everything else like a doctor shot him with a sedative drug. He is trembling and he wants to scream but...he has no voice to speak and he feels the rattle cease...the door is slowly opening and it felt like an eternity to Hinata, he swears he would have passed out right then and there if he didn't hear the voice of someone he was least expecting.

"Huh?Shrimpy? Akaashi--"

Bokuto cut himself off when he really took a look at Hinata, the boy was terrified, he was shaking, crying on the bathroom floor, in the corner like he was hiding from a serial killer. From behind Bokuto, Akaashi peered inside and was immediately on alert from the smaller boy's distress. They were immediately at his side, unsure what happened but very concerned.

"Shrimpy? What's wrong? Wha--Hey I'm not going to hurt you--"

Hinata was trying to push himself away from the new presence but he already drove himself as far as he could into the corner, Bokuto was trying to reach out to Hinata but the boy was trying to shut everything out, his breathing got worse, it was a panic attack. Akaashi acted immediately and tried to move Hinata's hands away from his ears so he can hear him.He made sure to keep a relatively safe distance to not make it worse.

"Listen to my voice Hinata, take a deep breath in. I'll count to 3 and you breathe out, breath in and out, Okay? Breath in, 1, 2, 3, Breath out. Breath in..."

Akaashi's soothing voice finally got to Hinata and he took a shaky breath in, he tried to hold it like Akaashi said before breathing out, he repeated this until he felt his breathing stabilized. Bokuto tried to help by gently rubbing HInata's back, trying to follow Akaashi and instructing Hinata to breathe. Hinata could finally breathe and his throat no longer felt like it was suffocated, Akaashi turned to Bokuto and asked him to get some help. Hinata whimpered trying to stop him but his voice hasn't returned yet. Akaashi continued to talk to Hinata, telling him to breathe, in his mind trying to understand what happened to cause this boy to break down like this.

**

Back to Bokuto, he was caught off guard by this sudden development that he was panicking about who to call, his mind racing trying to catch up to the current ordeal. He sees his Kuroo walking with Kenma from the bath and went straight to them for help. 

"Kuroo..bro..I need your help..."

Kuroo could see how uncharacteristically Bokuto was acting and his attention was immediately on Fukurodani's captain. His smirk was gone and he was dead serious, eyebrows knitted together in worry.

"What happened?"

"It's...Shrimpy...I...I think he's having a ... a panic attack, I need to get help.."

Kenma was at Kuroo's side trying to piece together why Bokuto looked so distressed but upon hearing the mention of Hinata, he was fearing the worst.

"Where?"

"...Bathroom..."

"Oka--oi, Kenma!"

Kuroo was surprised when Kenma suddenly bolted in the direction of the male bathroom, he wanted to follow but right now he had to help Bokuto and get help.

"Listen, we should get Karasuno's coach and captain."  
****

When Kenma arrived in the bathroom, his heart almost broke at the sight, Hinata was on the floor crying, curled into a ball while Akaashi stood near him, trying to calm him down and holding onto him to give him some form of support. Kenma slowly walked over and the closer he got, the closer he can hear HInata's mumbling....

"Don't tell....please...Don't....I'm sorry....."

Akaashi spotted Kenma but said nothing so when Kenma was close enough he though, he stood there for a while until he could formulate words

"Sh...Shouyou?"

Hinata flinched a bit but then lifted his eyes, tears were still spilling out but they have already gotten so red....

"K-Kenma?"

At the sound of his voice, Kenma's legs almost gave out and he moved a bit closer to the boy, he felt Hinata cling onto him and Kenma pulled him closer.

"What....what happen--"

"It's here Kenma. It's after me....it's always there..it's...it's getting bigger and I ...I don't know what to do....it follows me and..."

"What is?.."

"The creature....that terrible...."

Kenma had no idea what Hinata was talking about but all he could do is hold the younger boy in his arms and try to soothe him like Akaashi.

"It's okay Hinata, it's not here....it's gone...."

"But....Kenma...it's everywhere..."

Kenma felt a cold shiver go down his spine but all he could do is hold onto Hinata.

"It's okay...everything will be okay..."

Kenma honestly didn't know what else to do, he had social anxiety and even now it was screaming for him to hide from everyone's eyes on him but.....but he wasn't able to leave Hinata alone, especially with how frightened he was....all he could do is try to reassure Hinata even if it felt like he was trying to reassure himself...

I......K....Kuro......Kuroko..."

Kenma felt extreme confusion, Kuroko? Who.... Hinata clings harder to him but it also feels like he relaxed somewhat. Soon, Coach Ukai and Karasuno's captain Sawamura Daichi runs in with the other setter Sugawara Koushi not far behind. They take one look at Hinata and go take action. Ukai-sensei was trying to talk to Hinata, prying Hinata off Kenma, Daichi and Suga were by his side doing the same, Suga looked like he was close to tears mumbling

"I knew it..."

Kuroo took Kenma out of the bathroom while Akaashi walked over to Bokuto. They were both reluctant to go but they knew Hinata needed to be with his team, especially an adult who would know what to do better than they would....they just hoped Hinata would get better and ...... they all took one last look at Hinata before they forced themselves out of the bathroom, it was clear no one was getting sleep tonight.....


	10. Lingering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata doesn't want it to come, the day he tells his teammates. He knows his actions had frightened them but he refuses to let go of his mask, he wants to keep wearing it. He feels it's lurking and he prays to himself that it won't break his mask, the cracks are becoming more apparent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my delay! I wanted to take my time on this story but I also feel writer's block and things happen. I should probably have a disclaimer but I'm not entirely sure.Anyways, let's get this rolling!...(..I should change the tags)

Ukai tried to move Hinata off the floor but Hinata was still feeling unwell. He let the boy stay where he was and asked if he needed something or if he should call his mother--no, that made it worse and Hinata was almost back into hysterics at the mere mention of telling his mother. It was very confusing to Ukai because Hinata kept insisting to not tell her, that he was fine and she was probably asleep and didn't need this. Ukai as an adult felt he should notify Hinata's mother but as a coach, he felt like he should prioritize Hinata's well-being which means putting aside that call as to not give Hinata another panic attack. He would have to talk with Takeda-sensei about this later but he would let Daichi and Suga help Hinata since they are closer.  
Suga and Daichi eventually coaxed Hinata to get up from his spot but Hinata's legs must have fallen asleep without him realizing and it took a while for him to get back on his steady feet. Hinata's tears have dried but his stomach was a mess so much that after regaining the feeling in his legs, he bolted to throw up in the bathroom stall. Suga and Daichi silently comforted Hinata leaning over the toilet seat and Ukai tried to figure out his next move. Hinata couldn't do anything but silently accept their help but he was still quite tightlipped about the situation. He can only tell Ukai that he had a panic attack but not the cause. Ukai was starting to suspect it was a regular occurrence as the response was almost said as if he tripped instead of just having a full blown panic attack (even if Ukai was not always aware, he could see Hinata had been under some stress for some time). 

"Okay, I understand you're still shaken up Hinata so I won't force you to say anything now but I will need to know in the future in case it happens again. I don't want anything to happen to my students but I'll respect your wishes right now until you get better. I will hold off on notifying your mother but you should know it's protocol to let them know something happened and I need to know about any medicine you are taking and all that so you don't get hurt playing. "

Hinata had already detached himself from the bathroom and stood in front of Ukai with Suga and Daichi next to him, almost ready to help him if he were to fall again. Hinata hated this, feeling weak and worrying others; burdening them. Ukai's words made sense but he selfishly hoped it wasn't ...At least Ukai-sensei wasn't making him talk right, Hinata felt like just opening his mouth would push the rest of what's left in his stomach out again. He nodded again and Ukai sighed a bit, rubbing is neck unsure of what else to do.

"For now, not a word to the others. I will make sure to talk to the other boys who were present but I think it'll be better that you head to sleep and take tomorrow off---"

"N-no! Uh- sorry Ukai-sensei but please....I...I need to play...please..I'll be better after I sleep and this won't happen again just..."

Ukai looked at Hinata taken a back, Hinata looked like he could barely speak or even stand but he was dead set on joining tomorrow's practice. Ukai doesn't want to risk anything that might make the boy pass out but after some debate, he agreed that he could join the second half of practice. Hinata seemed upset at the idea of missing an opportunity to play but Ukai could also be stubborn and he will bench the boy for the first several games even if Ukai needs to tie him down to that bench. Hinata nodded in defeat let himself be escorted to Karasuno's room by Suga and Daichi. They had been quiet for the time coach Ukai told them to watch over Hinata so that he doesn't push himself. Suga was so focused on helping Hinata but on the walk to the room, he felt like he failed as a senpai. He knew it, he knew there was something going on, the signs were there but he reassured himself it was going to work itself out, that Hinata would come to them and ask for help but....

"Sorry...."

Suga and Daichi looked down at Hinata, uncharacteristically quiet with his head down in shame and Suga bits his lips to stop the feeling inside him. He wants to apologize too but he feels the words are clogged in the back of his throat and he doesn't know what to do, what do you do in this situation? Suga uses his hand that was on Hinata's shoulder to push his Kouhai's head onto his shoulder as they walk. Daichi felt like beating himself up too but he follows Suga's lead and moves to rub Hinata's back to soothe him. Hinata stiffened before allowing his senpai's to comfort him, he hates that he made them feel this way, it was not their fault and trying to hide everything to keep them from feeling responsible seemed to backfire in his face. Hinata's mouth tastes blood from biting his lips with too much force but he continues to bit down and hold back the tears threatening to spill again, his mask fell again and there's a crack across the center....Hinata doesn't know what else to do but to pick up his broken mask and place it back on his face, he knows how the condition of his mask but he is still refusing to let go, he doesn't know how to function without it. He feels one hand cover his mouth and he closes his eyes, even without Kuroko here, he feels like a part of him is here, where their lips connected and he breathes in and out, he needs to calm down. He needs to tie the mask back on, he will ignore the shadows behind him and the voices that are just waiting to resurface when he lets his guard down....  
***

When they arrived in the room, they should have realized how strange it was to have them all walk in at the same time. Thankfully Nishinoya and Tanka were there to tease Hinata it was past his curfew and his tardiness caused Sugamama and Dadchi to pick him up. Hinata was silently grateful to his oblivious senpais and went along as he would, grow pissed about their teasing of his height before laughing along with their advice of the best ways to sneak out. Daichi and Suga forced them to sleep and for a minute Hinata thought it was more than just playing along, it felt natural that he would do this, but he still thought it was the mask working as usual. Kageyama yelling at him, Tsukishima's comments thrown in with Yamaguchi's laughter and Asahi's weak attempts to keep the others from getting too rowdy....this was what Hinata didn't know he loved so much and it felt just as natural as anything else. When Aomine would compete with him, when Kise did his hair, when Murasakibara would share his treats, when Midorima taught him about horoscopes, when Akashi helped go over Hinata's homework with him and Kuroko...when he would be there when he had trouble sleeping, the times he was there holding onto Hinata, when he would just be there listening to HInata's rants until he made him drink their vanilla shake to silence him.....it felt painfully nice because it scared him to think it was not real or that it was not really him but the mask and Hinata was just a spectator of these memories rather than a participant...

***  
Hinata was supposed to be asleep, he was not supposed to be up at this time, staring up at the dark ceiling, his body immobilized. He feels his breath quickening when realization slowly seeps into his mind. He is NOT supposed to be awake. He is not. But he is. He is able to hear the snores of his teammates around him but he cannot call for help, he cannot run away. He is trapped and unlike the bathroom incident earlier, he won't be getting help. Along with the snores, he hears his own shallow, quickened beathing, he can't stop it, he is too scared to calm himself down. This never happened, this isn't supposed to happen, not to him. Please. His eyes dart around, they land on his body and he is using all his will force to move, nothing.

'Move dammit....please...'

Not even his fingers would follow his command, he did not so much as twitch and yet inside his mind, he was shaking violently, thrashing back and forth like a wild animal in a tight cage doing everything to escape. He squeezed his eyes shut and mentally tried harder to free himself, his mask was slipping off revealing a very fragile and terrified Hinata. He didn't know for how long he had been at this but the sound of something shifting around him made Hinata internally freeze. He was feeling cold, really cold like his body had shut down not only its mobility but its regulated temperature. Hinata's eyes shot open and he immediately looked around the dark room trying to find the source of the noise, his eyes widened as much as humanly possible. There it was again. That creature. It came back. And it was after Hinata. Hinata freaked out more with every second that passed by. He had his eyes trained on that shadow of a creature, shuffling around the edge of the room and moving to each one in as if circling Hinata. Hinata kept his eye on the creature as it moved around the room but it was petrifying, he felt like any minute it would pounce and Hinata could do nothing, he couldn't move and he couldn't even get help. He was too scared to tear his eyes but he could picture his teammate's peaceful faces in blissful sleep while Hinata felt so close to death from fear alone. The creature kept moving around and Hinata's terror kept increasing to the point he had to shut his eyes, bad move. He was trying to control his breathing, he remembers Akaashi's instructions, telling him to breath...he remembers the hand that pat his back in a sort of reassurance that it'll be okay...he remembers Kenma holding onto him....he remembers....Kur---- when he opened his eyes, he was met with the very definition of utter despair. It was just inches from Hinata, a creature with no face but an outline like a human....it was floating above Hinata and it seemed like the voices were floating around it, Hinata could make some of them out.

'You're worthless'  
'You're lying to them'  
'You can't have happiness, not after they know who you really are'  
'You can't do anything, you're holding them back'  
'You are..'

Hinata ignores the voice, his eyes were on the creature in front of him, fixed on the area that would have had its eyes to stare back at him. Still, it seemed like the creature knew and it opened its large mouth right where Hinata had been looking, Hinata wanted to look away, run away but he was rooted there, he couldn't move and now his eyes were refusing to move away ad the creatures large mouth reveals its sharp teeth, drool slipping from the cracks and falling down on Hinata but he could not feel anything but terror. He didn't know for how long he would be like this, his sense of time is distorted and it feels like the seconds had stretched like a rubber band, minutes, hours....it was being pulled and dragged on until it felt like it snapped and Hinata shut his eyes... he can hear a voice call out but....as it one of the voices or.....he felt a nudge and........the next time he opened his eyes, the creature was gone and instead replaced with Tsukishima's frowning face. Hinata stared back, not registering the boy calling out his name, he feels his fingers twitch. HInata's eyes blink and in his surprised relief, he jumps straight up to hug the taller boy. Hinata was beyond relief, he was free, he could move, he didn't care if he was hugging Tsukishima, possibly suffocating him but...he didn't care, this time he let the tears flow, taking the tension of Hinata's muscle with each tear shed.  
***  
Tsukishima was surprisingly (or not) a light sleeper. He had too much on his mind. He had just recently started to dedicate more to volleyball, for now, he would take it more serious and look at volleyball more than just a club. He was trying to figure out how to use his height and skills to his advantage, he studied everything on the court now and he practiced more than he would have normally. He has also become more and more aware of things both on and off the court. Hinata left the cafeteria earlier than the others and it seemed like he was eating less than normal. Tsukishima paid no mind and just noted it down in his head, he also noted that the Daichi and Suga disappeared sometime before returning with Hinata between them. Hinata appeared solemn until Nishinoya and Tanaka intervened. Hinata took a minute, almost as if collecting himself before acting as usual. Daichi and Suga took a while but it looked like everything was normal...Tsukishima still felt something was off.  
'Red eyes again'  
Tsukishima thought as he looked at Hinata who turned his attention to him after Tsukishima 'politely' reminded Hinata shouldn't worry that it'll be cramped since he would take the least amount of space.   
Tsukishima was forced to sleep between Hinata and Yamaguchi with Kageyama on the other side of Hinata. He had to sleep earlier than the others so that he could avoid the sound of his teammate's snores keeping him up.  
He was able to have a decent amount of sleep in before he felt something to his left making it harder to ignore and drift back to sleep. It was not the sound of snoring but the sound of heavy breathing. Tsukishima didn't have his glasses on but it was still too dark to make anything out. The only thing he could even distinguish is the blurred orange hue that could only belong to a certain boy. Tsukishima couldn't tell if Hinata was awake or not but the shallow breathing made his immediately awake, what was happening? He was so confused but he decided to try to shut him up.

"Keep it down Shrimp, you're too loud. What are you even doing?"

Tsukishima continued to hear HInata's panting and tsked at being ignored but he was growing concerned. Tsukishima's furrowed his eyebrows, he calls him again but there is no response but he was still breathing.

'This idiot is going to make himself pass out if he doesn't quit.'

Tsukishimagrumbled and forced himself to move up and lean over to Hinata, he was shaking his shoulders but there was no reaction.

"Hinata."

Tsukishima felt his voice rise into a harsher whisper as he nudged Hinata a bit rougher until Hinata was immediately silent. Tsukishima didn't hear his breathing, it seems like Hinata completely shut down, scared, he gave him one more nudge before he could make out the blurred face approach and become clearer until he felt Hinata had slammed into him in a hug, This time Tsukishima was the one who was frozen, his breath was caught in his throat as he felt Hinata cling onto him for his dear life

"H-hey, what are you--"

"Thank you...Thank.....Thank you so much ..."

Tsukishima could barely hear his muffled voice but the tears that began to wet his shirt made Tsukishima hold his tongue. He didn't know what to do except let out the breath he was holding and stay in that position while Hinata clung to him. He was never the touchy person and was probably the last person people would some to for comfort but there he was, patting HInata's back, letting the boy cling onto him while he silently cried his eyes out. He was conflicted, he wanted to ask why Hinata sounded like Tsukishima had just saved his life but he could feel the boy was shaking in his arms, too shaken up by what happened (even if Tsukishima had no clue about what). Eventually, he heard Kageyama stir, turn to his side facing away from them but it seemed to bring Hinata back to reality and he released Tsukishima silently, muttering an apology about his own actions and Tsukishima's now soaked shirt. Tsukishima didn't know what reaction he should have but he took off his shirt and pushed it to Hinata's face.

"Here. Wipe your nose with it"  
'It's already dirty anyway'

Tsukishima bit back his snarky remark and turned to pat the ground near his pillow, trying to recover his glasses. He hears Hinata blow his nose when he puts his glasses back on and then turns back to Hinata who had his shirt over his nose, his tears were gone but Tsukishima could tell his eyes were probably red from all the crying. They stay like that in the silence and Tsukishim knows he won't be able to return to his slumber, he looks over at the clock hanging on the wall, 4:15 a.m.

'Well, I had to get up early anyways'

Tsukishima thought sarcastically before looking back at Hinta who seemed calmer.

"...Well?"

"...?"

"You can't really expect me to go through that and not ask anything"

"..."

Tskukishima sighed in annoyance, of course, one of Hinata's qualities to be so stubborn was going to make this harder. He could see the boy start to shake and he sighed again, his annoyance lessened, Hinata was probably still shaken by whatever reason and it would make anyone refuse to talk about whatever they experienced.

"Look---"

"I.....I....I couldn't even move...."

Tsukishim was not expecting Hinata to interrupt him but Hinata continued to grip Tsukishima's shirt in his hands, trying to cover his face as he began to relay his experience; Tsukishima made sure to pay attention and not interrupt.

:" I was frozen, I could hear myself scream but I couldn't.....no one listened.....then.....that thing came back....it was going to get me in the bathroom but now.....it's here. It's here and it's after me. I....couldn't do anything and...."

Tsukishima watched him breathe heavily again but this time Tsukishima was better at handling it and tried to keep Hinata's mind away from whatever hole of sadness he was burying himself into.

"It was probably sleeping paralysis."

"? Sleep para...?"

"Sleep paralysis. It happens to some people, you wake up but you can't move and then you see creatures as your mind plays with you. Most alien abductions are sleep paralysis but some people also report a shadow creature--"

At this, Hinata flinches and TSukishima could piece together what probably happened. Hinata was still for a while, peaking from Tsukishima's crumbled shirt and peaking around the room.

"But..."

"?"

"I saw it before....when I'm awake....it's still here somewhere....I.....it..."

Tsukisihima felt goosebumps but he felt more confused, how can that be? He never came across a case like that when he researched it for a project. Despite his better judgment, he looked around only to find....nothing, it was a darkened room, it was still dark out and the curtains prevented any light from shining through but....no creature he could see lurking around.

"What do you--"

Hinata suddenly stood up and handed Tsukishima his shirt back.

"Sorry, I-uh...I'm going to go out for a jog...um thank you again.....sorry.."

With that Hinata bolted out of the room and Tsukishima turned his gaze from the door to look down at his wrinkled shirt. He sighed again for the who knows how many times today and just sat there, contemplating if he should also get up....

"Well, at least I found out something...still..."

Tsukishima did feel irritated from being woken up so early but also by the fact that Hinata is trying to hide from his own truth rather than confront this and spill it out like he should. Damn, he's one shirt less, he wonders where he can go clean his shirt but for now, it seemed like he should either get up and change into his other shirt or have to explain why he is shirtless and his shirt looks like it's been through a washer.  
****

Hinata could see the sun was barely peeking over the horizon but his mind was racing with what has happened and how he told someone else. He felt so stupid but he couldn't stop himself, he felt his mask was torn off and only until he could pick it back up, he was able to get away before he said anything more. He continued to jog around the area, he hopes he wouldn't get lost but that seemed to be the least of his worries. He continued to run until he felt his legs scream to stop....he never gotten tired so easily but right now he felt heavy and he wasn't sure what to do. He sent a text to Oikawa, half torn in both hoping he would respond and also hoping he would be asleep and not reply.

Hina-chan: I messed up. That thing was chasing me and they saw. I don't know what to do... it was sleep paralysis

Oikawa: That creature you told me about? I thought you took your pills, are you safe? Where are you? 

Hina-chan: I went for a jog, I'm fine, just tired..sorry.  
Hina-chan: Shouldn't you be asleep?

Oikawa: Eh, I was going to get up sooner or later plus its already 5 am, so it's not too early.   
Oikawa: Do you want to talk?

Hina-chan: Oh.  
Hina-chan: ok

After he sent that, his phone started to ring in his hand and he picked it up to hear Oikawa's groggy voice, barely awake. He apologized but Oikawa dismissed his apologies and went straight to ask him to explain. Hinata collected himself before recalling his experience and telling Oikawa while the other line was silent, listening intensely to him as he explains. When he was done, Oikawa tried to soothe his worries. He told him that Tsukishima probably won't tell anyone but he might ask so it would be better to tell him that Hinata finds a way to explain and tell Tsukishima whether or not he was ready to say anything. Hinata also told Oikawa about the bathroom incident too so Oikawa reassured him that Suga and Daichi would probably be the best people to come to for help. Oikawa had already told Hinata he was surprised he hadn't gone to Suga and Daichi with his worries since they would probably help him more than Oikawa thinks he could especially since they are teammates. Hinata wondered the same but he was always scared of rejection and he wanted to not worry everyone and burden them with his own problems.

"Hinata. You aren't burdening anyone, it's probably better if you told them because at this rate they are going to get more suspicious and worried and you might break and that....that..."

"I know....I know but....."

"..Then, when you're ready. I won't force you but do it before it's too late..."

"I.....okay.."

Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Oikawa tried to lighten it up and Hinata was more than glad to be off the decision he is inevitably going to face some day...jsut...not today, please... They talked for a bit like that, Hinata had even mentioned to Oikawa how TSukishima told him about alien abductions being a sleep paralysis to which Oikawa felt offended and told Hinata he was lying and that alien abductions are real. Hinata had to laugh a bit about Oikawa's fascination with space and more notably aliens. He was grateful how easily Oikawa could make him come back to his senses and laugh again, feeling accepted, normal. He looked at the time and let Oikawa go, Oikawa told Hinata he would send him selfies of himself to make him feel better before hanging up. Hinata laughed, knowing Oikawa was going to send overly narcissistic shots of himself looking 'flawless' but he did slide in a few funny faces and some with Iwaizumi who looked displeased. Hinata didn't talk much to Iwaizumi but he practically knew enough about him based on everything Oikawa had told him about him. It was strange to know so much about a guy he rarely talks to but sometimes Oikawa would tell Iwaizumi to tell Hinata hi and he would hear a deep voice in the background greet him before he would go back to yelling at Oikawa for slacking off or being on the phone too much. He felt a bit bad and gave Oikawa a silent apology when that happened and he hears Oikawa being hit with a volleyball before he tells Hinata goodbye. He was feeling better and decided he would head back but he was of course the worst when it came to directions.

"Hinata."

Hinata turns to Kuroko and can't help but jump for joy at the presence of the other. He runs to hug him before kissing him without thinking about it. It left them both a blushing mess but Hinata walks with Kuroko hand in hand back to the training camp. He was feeling better, so much that he may have missed how Kuroko appeared a bit more transparent than normal...or .....


	11. Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata tries to get past the awkward atmosphere between those who saw him but there are some who feel irritation as HInata's secrets eats away at them...how will it turn out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who came back from the dead? Sorry sorry, my schedule has been hectic and I barley have time to relax there days but I also have so much thought into this story I already have the ending and everything in mind but I want to expand on it and not rush it. This chapter is hopefully a bit longer ( Idk I've been working on it for a while and writing little by little in the small breaks I get ) Anyways I'll shut up and thank you so much for still sticking around

Hinata told Kuroko what had happened which made Kuroko feel worried and guilty he wasn't there but……Hinata wasn't crying anymore, in fact his voice was pretty light and it didn't appear completely forced. It worried Kuroko more but….it seemed like Hinata was alright. Hinata continued on with his conversation, telling Kuroko that Oikawa helped him calm down when Kuroko felt something he couldn't identify. He was not jealous or anything, in fact he felt indebt to Oikawa for helping Hinata when he wasn't there but….he felt like a part of him was scared. His role as Hinata's protector and consoler has expanded beyond him, beyond the others in their group and….it honestly frightened Kuroko a bit but….this is what he always wanted so he shouldn't feel negative about it, he should be happy. He continues to hold onto Hinata , helping him back to the gym. Kuroko gave him a kiss before Hinata took his pills and Hinata happily kissed back, somehow it felt very bittersweet and neither of them truly knew why….  
***

It was strange to see the orange bundle of energy benched for most of the morning, especially for those who were there when Hinata broke down. Still, Hinata appeared energetic as usual, ready to jump out of his seat to join his team on court but he also kept peeking over to his coach who either ignored him or gave him a look that Hinata must've understood because he looked away and tried to stay still for a few minutes until his leg started shaking and his eyes looking at the ball tossed back and forth. 

Ukai sighed and signaled Hinata to sit next to him. Thinking Ukai was going to yell at him, Hinata hesitated before making his way over. Ukai's gaze didn't leave the court even as he addressed Hinata. 

"I'm glad you seem to be doing fine but hold off before jumping in, you could learn some things off court that you wouldn't see when you play."

Confused, Hinata looked back, trying to see what Ukai meant. Ukai then guided his eye to the actions of both his teammates and opponents. Hinata tries to follow their actions and tries to see the big picture, from each movement and actions, things on court  aside from the ball. Of course, he was too restless right now to fully comprehend what Ukai wanted him to, but he did make a note to work on his analyzing skills.

"So...I take it you feel better now?"

Hinata flinched at the question, coincidentally enough, his gaze met with Tsukishima who was ready to serve, Hinata duck his head, feeling embarrassed for being found out in two of his low moments.

"Yes....I'm better."

"I see......did you...?"

Hinata didn't need to look at Ukai to know what he meant and simply nodded.

"Yup....I should be fine until lunch time."

"Okay, good.."

"..."

It was awkward for Hinata to talk about it because as much as he wants to stay quiet. He knows his teacher had a right to know in case of something going wrong but....he was still nervous about his mom's reaction to him being found out by his coach and not only that but.....Hinata looks on the other side of the court, over to Karasuno's current opponents, Nekoma. Kenma and Kuroo saw him enter the gym late but said nothing when he sat in the bench, much to Hinata's relief. Bokuto looked like he wanted to say something but thankfully for Hinata, Akaashi was there to keep him quiet. Hinata grips his shorts as his eyes look down at the floor. 

He knows it's pointless to keep anything a secret, he already spilled so much, they are beginning to suspect, probably for a while now, and if it stays like this, they won't ever go back to how things use to be between all of them; between his coach, his rivals, his teammates..... he just.....wish there was time for him to delay his answer because he really doesn't know what to do. He struggles to catch himself and he knows it's going downhill. He is scared to speak but the way things are now will only make it worse so....should he tell another? He wishes Kuroko or Oikawa were here to tell him what to do but that would be no good. This was something he needed to answer on his own, mentally prepare himself and face alone....well, the confronting and revealing part....he doesn't know if he could ever face all of his problems alone, the only reason he hasn't lost it was only because of Kuroko and the others were there to catch him but even then he can't just wait for them to catch him… he needs to also…..

"Hinata."

"Y-yes?"

" Are you…"

Ukai was about to ask Hinata something before he should his head and completely dropped it.

"Never mind. Get ready, you're playing in the next set. Hopefully that early jog didn't tire you already?"

"No--Yes! I mean-- I'm ready to go in anytime!"

Ukai studied Hinata's determined features before giving his a nod and a pat on his back.

"Don't overwork yourself either, if you do, this won't be your last time on this bench."

"R-right!"

" Get lots of points and win the match."

"Osu!"

Hinata didn't know he was being so loud until Ukai-sensei hushed him along with the warning sound of a whistle from the ref. Hinata was also apparently on his feet and quickly move to sit down and cast his head down in embarrassment, ignoring the small giggles from around the court room. A few watching Hinata felt a huge relief to see Hinata back to his usual attitude.  
***

To say it wasn't a huge loss was probably not entirely false, Karasuno was still out of sync but that was expected when each member was trying out new skills. They were able to get in a few points but their ace in the hole crazy duo was not able to click yet. Hinata's jumps became less higher with time but when someone was ready to ask Hinata if he wanted a break, Hinata would just hit his leg and call for one more toss. 

Kageyama was someone who more observant on court than anywhere else. He analyzes the situation, tries to come up with a way to get around defenses and send the ball to whomever could get the ball on the other side. He could see Hinata's struggle and his mind was telling him to send the volleyball to the others like Asahi or Tanaka but….something else was telling Kageyama to send Hinata the ball every time the smaller boy would call out to him. It wasn't the first time either. What makes Hinata a perfect decoy is his sheer desire to get the ball which fools both the opponent and sometimes his own teammates. Kageyama would sometimes question himself when he feels the instinct to respond to Hinata, to send him all the tosses he's asked; it's a frightening thing.

All that raw desire, that craving to spike the ball, the glint in Hinata's eyes and the aura around him on court could make anyone comply with the boy's request. But, Kageyama needed to keep his head cool, he was the one calculating and not let his emotions guide his actions. He had to ignore Hinata's eyes on him and send the ball to their ace or senpai…but, man was it difficult. Another thing was Hinata's aura off court. It's been a mess these last couple weeks and it has nagged Kageyama for the longest time.

Hinata shifted back and forth between his energetic persona( the one that brings people in like he was the literal sun and they were planets orbiting around him) and then his other side. His defenseless persona. Kageyama only caught a few glimpses of it, but he could see a vulnerable Hinata who seemed frightened all the time. Kageyama had to always hold his tongue during those times he just wanted to yell at the boy and ask him why he looked so terrified. It wasn't Kageyama he was scared of, he's seen the times he's scared Hinata off with his glare but the look on Hinata….Kageyama swears the boy had regressed to the age of 5 when kids would be pissing their pants at the thought of monsters in the closet and under the bed. 

Hinata was getting worse at hiding things, Kageyama noted. Hinata would leave earlier, meals unfinished ( Kageyama wouldn't be surprised if the idiot would've skipped meals all together if it wasn't for their senpais that forced him to eat) Hinata disappears time to time and he had been on his phone far more than normal. This one made him especially on edge. Hinata was never one to fumble with his phone but he would see Hinata lagging behind after practice, checking his phone like he expects a call.

After class when Kageyama would try to meet the boy for lunch, Hinata would spend it texting away, his lunch left cold and off to the side. Kageyama would sometimes try to catch a glimpse of who he was texting but Hinata would always hide his phone and say it was Kenma. Well, he didn't need to get so jumpy if it was just Kenma. If Kageyama would ever say anything about it, Hinata would just change the topic and they would be there all day yelling at each other and Kageyama getting nowhere. Kageyama was sure he and Hinata were getting along, the boy even had 100% trust in him to pull of their special move but lately… 

'What the hell…what happened to that trust?'

Kageyama won't say it hurt him to think that Hinata doesn't trust him but it was something that has put a wedge in their partnership for sure. He watches Hinata switch with Tsukishima, the tall asshole took his time to hand over the pass. Tsukishima hands it to Hinata but doesn't let go, Kageyama notices Tsukishima stare down at Hinata while the other boy refuses to make eye contact. After a while Tsukishima carries on like nothing happened and walks back to the sidelines while Hinata slowly continues walking before he goes back to his happy go lucky attitude. Kageyama raises an eyebrow and Hinata joins his side. Hinata gives him a questioning look but Kageyama just glares back a bit before telling him to get more points in for the time he missed.  
***�  
Akaashi didn't know what the best course of action could be, he was able to deal with Bokuto all the time but this one was different. The look of terror on Hinata back in the bathroom remained in his mind, the way the younger boy shook in his arms, a child almost terrified of the world. It even frightened Akaashi. He gripped the side of his arm from the thought, the boy seemed fine now but it didn't feel right and Akaashi remained restless. During the time Hinata was escorted back to his room and Karasuno's coach Ukai told the rest of the witnesses to keep silent from telling anyone or confronting Hinata…….Akaashi realized how quiet Bokuto was and that honestly made him even more uneasy. Bokuto was a very loud person and would try to console others in his usual energetic way (Akaashi can say from experience as Bokuto always knew when he was upset despite his deadpan face)….but now, even Bokuto was left silent.

Even Kenma had looked unsettled, Akaashi remembers how Nekoma's setter looked at Hinata as he was taken away, eyes wide in worry, the longing and desire to run after the boy and just stay by his side and cure whatever had caused him sorrow. Kuroo had told them a bit as well after Hinata was gone, that Hinata might have something hidden, possibly on medication and the sense of an almost switch in personality from his usual side versus the one they witnessed that might be a side affect. . . . Akaashi didn't know anymore.

"Akaashi?"

He looked back to see Bokuto look at him, Bokuto gave him a smile but it was a rare one, a smaller one that seemed more emotional than it should be and Akaashi focused back to the start of the next match against Karasuno. He looked back at the topic of discussion, Hinata happily running up and down the slope of the hill just outside the gym entrance. No traces of the night before, and maybe Akaashi felt he needs to stop worrying and let it go but….why does it feel like this isn't the first and last time 'that' will repeat? Why does it feel like it'll get worse? Is he just being negative? Looking at Bokuto he feels his teammate tell him with his smile it'll be fine but really…..it was harder to believe that right now.  
*  
Once inside after finishing up their penalty, Hinata could feel the opponent's eyes on him but it's different now because it's coming from the two people who saw what happened to him in the bathroom. He knew why and he really didn't want to make eye contact as it was a way to say that he was ready to talk but he knew he wasn't….still…he needed to say something. After practice perhaps? Will he be ready then? He can't avoid anyone here and it is something he told himself he would confront by the end of this training camp but….. He looked over to the other side where Kuroo was talking to Kenma. Hinata feels a pang of guilt when he saw how Kenma looked, he must've frightened him. He really didn't mean to, he wished he could erase that miserable part of himself but Kuroko had scolded him about those types of thoughts.

'It's part of who you are Hinata. You are energetic, happy and sometimes you're not but that's not bad. Everyone has their vulnerable side Shouyou and you're not alone. I'm here… Akaashi, Aomine, Kise, Midorima, Murasakibara….we are all here for you. So don't say your hate something about you, because we care about you, all of you.'

'I know but….maybe it would be better if I wasn't like this. If I was stronger, not burdening or scaring others, keeping secrets…..but even now I'm too scared to change anything…tell anyone…'

Hinata tried to focus on the game and clear his mind. His body ached, not fully recovered from this past few events, but he was glad he on court…he didn't need to think about anything but what was on court…just that and focus on the rest later….. But even then he felt it was catching onto him from his most sanctuary place.

 

Hinata liked to think he wasn't completely useless on court, that he could hold his own even if right now he is still unstable with his skill development. One aspect he clings onto is his desire to improve and he feels himself pushed to the max but he doesn't want to stop, he can't. He wants to do this. He wasn't to hold his own on court even if he can't with everything else weighing on him; this was the only thing he could work on to not be a burden and he likes to think he has change from that poorly skilled boy he once was but…..it was frustrating he was not at the level he wants to be. He felt his emotions caught in his throat but he was holding on in determination that he could make this happen…. Maybe that's when he felt Kageyama's toss change, the burning sensation in his chest erupted and he lashed out at Kageyama without thinking.

"You held back didn't you?! Why?! "

"..Held back..?"

Hinata glared at Kageyama who looked completely baffled at the thought of HIM of all people holding back. It was a face that might of frightened Hinata but right now he was pissed, angry, enraged…..with himself. Was he really this pathetic on court that even Kageyama backed off and gave him a pity toss?! Hinata didn't even care they scored, he was feeling more frustrated by the fact that Kageyama wouldn't send him the other toss, is he saying something about Hinata?

'Look you couldn't do it that even Kageyama felt pity.'

Hinata shook his head out of his negative thought, they were NOT going to make their way to his only save zone on court, he can't have that. He didn't shake Tanaka's arms when he stepped in to dissolve another potential fight but Hinata stood there, watching Kageyama's distraught expression.

"Don't. Don't hold back on me. I want that other toss, I don't need pity. I can do it."

Hinata was more determined than he thought he could be but he felt a territorial defense trigger in him as he refused to give in his only place of peace to his negative and corrupted thoughts…no, he needs to keep this place uncontaminated, he doesn't need to be a complete disgrace. He looked away from Kageyama from his own self loathing from his actions even if they were done unconsciously. Really, it was hard to figure out Hinata, but among the others, a few were paying attention to Hinata's sudden change in demeanor. Practice went as usual and Kageyama continued to send his tosses, he was suppose to give Hinata the tosses he wants but the bitter feeling in him was there like a seed planted in his heart.  
****

Hinata drank the last bits of his water while keeping his eye on his phone screen in his other hand not holding his water bottle. Oikawa had sent him a few messages but Hinata knew Oikawa was also practicing just as hard as he was for the upcoming spring tournament, so, he was grateful for ever little text he received. He was so grateful for the small encouragements and he hoped to meet Oikawa again, especially on court. He wanted Oikawa more than anyone else to witness his improvements and then when Hinata can manage to finally get the new quick down …. But for now…

"Oi."

Hinata almost choked on his water before quickly stuffing his phone in his bag and turned to face Kageyama 

"S-sorry!"

Hinata jogs over to Kageyama but before he could ask for a toss, Kageyama spoke up.

" I won't practice with you tonight, or send you anymore of those special tosses--"

Hinata's eyes widen and his heart was handing by a string, ready to break and drop.

"Hey you're the one who said not to hold back, the way we are it's going nowhere. There's no point in us practicing together."  
'Especially how things are, I don't think that trust is there anyways…'

Kageyama had his back to Hinata as he set down each water bottle in position, his expression hidden as he put a sort of barrier between them. Hinata could see the reason in Kageyama's reasoning but the way his voice quieted down made Hinata curious that he wanted to see his expression… but stopped himself.

"Okay."

Hinata walked off when he caught Kenma's gaze. Kenma flinched, the volleyball jumped out of his hands before Kenma tries to look away. They haven't talked since that incident but Hinata was conflicted. His insecurities told him that talking to Kenma would open that door, and it would leave him defenseless to judgement but….it was Kenma. He wouldn't hurt Hinata would he? Hinata more than anything wanted to keep every friendship he's ever had and he didn't want to loose Kenma…   
Maybe he felt calmer to see Kenma was just as uncertain as he was and he felt himself relax. It was easier to breath, he could actually use his voice.

"Kenma! Can you send me some tosses?!"�  
"…Huh?"

Kenma was clearly caught off guard to have Hinata call out to him with a request. Hinata smiled wider as he walked closer to Kenma and continued to act as normal. It took a while for Kenma to adjust but he assumed Hinata wanted to get ignore what happened or at least get past their awkwardness. Still, Kenma was not one for extra work so he told Hinata he could get more practice going with Kuroo and the others who were practicing in the next door gym. Hinata looked a bit uncertain but happily nodded and got ready to join the rest when Kenma stopped him.

"W-wait!"

They were both surprised to hear Kenma raise his voice. Hinata's wide eyes look down to notice Kenma holding part of his shirt which made Kenma blush in embarrassment before letting go. He was never this bold but he didn't know what had happened.

"A-um-I-uh…."

Hinata looked at Kenma's expression, contemplating. In the end, he cautiously placed a hand on Kenma's shoulder to make his stop his mumbling.

"Do you wanna walk with me there? "

Kenma was silent now, trying to read Hinata's expression.

'We have a lot to talk about'

Kenma looked to his shoes, he was as nervous as Hinata but he gave a small nod. He needs to know, he wants to. It's a scary thing, the unknown but…he wants to help Hinata. He wants to know what has happened since they met, when Hinata looked so scared like he was hunted….what was haunting him?  
***

Kenma and Hinata walked in silence, it was not a long trip to the gym but they purposely delayed their arrival although none of them were ready to talk. Kenma still surprised himself by his initiative. 

"Shouyou….what's going on?"

Hinata was bit caught off guard, it was always 'Are you okay?', never anything else. The automatic response was now lost in transmission, so Hinata had nothing to lean back to.   
His lips stretched into a tight smile, it was hard to answer that, even he lost track of what has happened. Too much really.

"I'm not sure… well, I just don't know how to explain…"  
Hinata painfully chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. He felt the mask slip again and he felt like Kenma could tell. No mask could work with Kenma anyways, he was too smart for that.  
Hinata sucks in a shaky breath, calm down. He looks up, past the roof of the breezeway was the night sky and Hinata secretly hoped something would give him help, nothing like a deity or something like that, but, just something that cold help him find an answer to this, a sign maybe?

"…It's strange, everyone tells me I talk too much but right now, but….I can't think of anything to say. Strange right? Well, I guess I am strange too. I always thought it would go away too but…. It happens again. I think because of it I got sleep paralysis last night…strange huh?"

Kenma's eyes widen, Hinata's voice was shaky the longer he talked…he didn't really think someone like Hinata would get sleep paralysis, would look so defeated. Kenma watches Hinata as he turns his head to look down, he had to also lean in a bit closer but he could see the way Hinata's eyes looked….he seemed….more open. He had never really seen Hinata this open, flicker of emotions going through the boy's teary orange orbs. 

'Now's not the time to watch him cry, do something.'

Kenma snapped out of his observation as Hinata looks so close to tears….what should he say? Something had crossed his mind but he felt his own hesitation. Kenma was also a self cautious person, he always kept to himself for the most part. Besides Kuroo, he never talked about his insecurities but here was Hinata struggling with his own uncertainties and it felt like a reflection of himself. Hinata was strong to keep himself together but that mask was more of a bomb of repressed emotions and it was ticking, waiting to blow up in Hinata's face at any moment. Kenma wanted to stop that from happening, so before it was too late he should…but….. Was he sure? The look on Hinata's face told something inside Kenma that he needed to know this, needed Kenma to share this. He was not alone and Kenma was also scared to open up but he knows that he can't expect Hinata to open up if he couldn't even do that himself…..they weren't alone. 

"No. You're not strange, well more like weird--er, I mean in a good way.."  
Hinata quieted down as he lifts his head to look at Kenma fidgeting under his gaze, but he had to push himself to finish, he took a few breaths before continuing.

"I….I'm also like that, I've also had sleep paralysis but I also mean….it's hard for me to talk to people. I couldn't interact with classmate or anyone really. I didn't really care about anything and kept to myself but I cared about how people say me, what they think of me. Kuroo was the only one who knew my social anxiety and didn’t judge me, he would stay with me even when he was invited to go to parties….he would sit on the floor next to my bed and read manga I had while I played my games in silence…It wasn't until Kuroo invited me to play volleyball that I could put myself out there, talk to people outside of my family and Kuroo. It was the first time he tried to push me out of my comfort zone but because of that I am part of Nekoma's volleyball team. I have teammates and …I got to meet you."

Kenma was finally able to meet Hinata's gaze, he was no longer scared as he stared…well, he felt his heart beating rapidly but he was okay now. He could talk about it and it was okay. Hinata wanted to look away but Kenma's straightforward gaze trapped him. Here was someone reaching out to him and for a minute he thinks of Kuroko.

" I'm glad we met, that Nekoma and Karasuno did, I know Kuroo really wants the Battle of the Garbage Dump to happen more than anyone and I want to see that too. You told me you would make me feel something the next time we play, feel frustrated and say 'I'm mad' and 'That was fun', right?"

"A-ah, T-that--"

Hinata's face glowed in the dark from embarrassment hearing his words repeated back to him. The atmosphere was lighter and a smile tugged at Kenma's lips to see Hinata act as usual, a little bit happier and no longer forcing himself.

" I know you have so many people that want to help you Shouyou. You have this way of making others drawn to you and it's not fake, it's real. They like you for yourself, not a mask of you"

'You attract people to you like the sun and we are drawn in because it's hard to ignore but it's also something we don't want to deny. You have a lot of people who care about you Shouyou.'

Kenma couldn't finish speak his mind but he thinks Hinata understood, or he hopes he got through to him..  
Hinata on the other hand was caught so off guard that he couldn't dare hold onto his mask and so he left it fall to the ground and the crack became more noticeable, it was splitting in too…e was trying to hold himself together but it was pointless…tears started to run down his cheeks and he knows it freaked Kenma out, especially when he pulled the older boy into a hug.

"I was scared Kenma…I thought I was going to die…I feel like something is after me and nothing's working. It keeps coming back….even the pills can't get rid of it."

Kenma is not the touchy type but he lets Hinata cling onto him, he took a second but wrapped his arm around the boy and tried to soothe him. Hinata was shaking again and Kenma was able to piece things together. Sleep paralysis was a terrible thing, it can make people loose themselves in the terror that feels like a painful eternity….of course even Hinata could not get over it so quickly. Kenma remembered when he had is first sleep paralysis, it shook him up so much, he called Kuroo at 3am and as soon as Kuroo heard Kenma's distressed voice, he rushed next door and held onto Kenma like Kenma held onto Hinata. 

 

Eventually, Hinata let go and wiped his face, clearing the evidence. Kenma watched as Hinata tried so hard to wipe his tears and Kenma couldn't help but reach us and wipe the tears for Hinata. Eventually Hinata took a few breaths in and finally composed himself.

"Feeling better?"

Hinata nodded, he could tell his eyes were probably red and drained from his excessive crying but…Hinata felt better. He left another weight on his shoulders loosen and he took the hand Kenma offered (wasn't that surprising?), letting the setter guide him to their original destination. Hinata was unsure about walking in there especially by how much of a mess he looked but Kenma told him it was fine and they wouldn't notice (Which was a blatant lie but Hinata was fine in trusting Kenma).  
*

When they arrived, Hinata shuffled to the side of the gym and watch from a distance as Nekoma and Fukurodani's captain teach Tsukishima some blocking techniques while Fukurodani's setter watches in silence at their antics. Akaashi was the first to spot Hinata, his eyes widening just a bit where it was apparent but not obvious. Hinata wanted to run but the grasp on Kenma's hand held him down in his spot and soon it looked like the other's began to notice.

"Oh, Tsukishima, you should of told us you brought a friend"

Hinata was glad Kuroo was acting the same as usual around him but once Tsukishima turned around to face him, he gulped in fear. How could he explain this? He was in the presence of everyone who saw him break down in tears (for different things but still, it was awkward to Hinata) and he could only stand there like a fish outta water, holding onto Kenma's hand like a lifeline. Kuroo's gaze lowered to see their interlocked hands and looked back to meet Kenma's eyes. There was a silent conversation between the two when another voice interrupted.

"Oya oya? Hinata? Did you come to practice with us?"

Everyone turned to Bokuto who moved closer,

"Came to learn from the best right?! Even glasses-kun had to admit it, Wanna join us?"

Hinata was glad for Bokuto's inviting personality but he was already feeling nervous under everyone's gaze.

"Sure why not? The more the better. What about you Kenma?"

Kenma's face scrunched at the thought of more practice, he was ready to refuse when footsteps were approaching them,

"No--"

"CAN I PRACTICE WITH YOU GUYS?! I-- HM? AH! HINATA!"

"L-lev?!"

Hinata and Lev looked at each other surprised until Lev broke eye contact to notice Kenma and Hinata holding hands. He looks like he was going to point it out when Kenma shut him up before he had the chance. He let go of Hinata and gave him a last look of encouragement before leaving, taking away Hinata's last line of defense. Hinata stood there floundering, what should he do? Thankfully their focus was on Lev for now, but he really didn't have a plan ( he didn't even think he would get this far without running away)

"Lev, weren't you practicing with Yaku?"

"A-ah W-well I was doing so well, he let me go early.."

"Really?"

Kuroo took his attention away from Lev to see how uncomfortable Hinata looked so he decided to help the poor boy out, he promised Kenma he wouldn't push him but he would still help get rid of any awkwardness among them.

"Well, since we have enough members now, how about a 3-vs-3 match?"

Hinata lost most of his uncertainty at the thought of a match. He remembered the first time he had a 3-vs-3 match and looking at Tsukishima, he was fired up for a rematch against him. Tsukishima on the other had stared at Hinata since he arrived, almost like the longer he stared would reveal something but…. He decided to keep quiet. Or, its just the others didn't give him time to confront Hinata. Tsukishima didn't have to be a genius to see what Kuroo was up to when he offered a match as a distraction. Well, Tsukishima had time, he needed the extra practice anyways.  
***

Akaashi was glad that Hinata looked to be doing much better (red eyes aside) but he did feel the need to point something out…

"Isn't this a bit…unbalanced?"

No kidding it was practically the giant cats and crow versus shorter owls and a tiny crow…well, the other two didn't seem to mind, their mind only focused on playing.

"Whoo!"

Well, it looks like Akaashi was the babysitter. Hinata was able to learn from Bokuto and Akaashi as players and teammates on court. It was a bit different from Kageyama or Daichi but not in a bad way, they each had their own characteristics and merits that helped Hinata learn a lot.

For the most part, Kuroo lead most of the game, calling out what to work on and what to look out for. It seemed like even Tsukishima was paying attention because the blonde manage to block Hinata. It did annoy Hinata a bit to get blocked but it wasn't like the irritated frustration he would feel , it was more of an acknowledgement that even Tsukishima was growing as a player. Hinata gladly charged head on and accepted Tsukishima's silent declaration to challenge him.

"Bring it on!" he looked at Tsukishima right in the eye for the first time today. Tsukishima returned the look.

They must have lost track of time because the managers had to stop by and remind them that the cafeteria was about to close. That instantly go their attention and they gladly put their game on hold in favor of food, who wouldn't?  
Hinata wanted to play more but he knew he was also hungry. At the thought, his stomach growled but it also felt tight. Hinata placed a hand over his stomach, his bodily needs screamed for food but his nerves were too scared…. His face scrunches in pain but he was taken out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. His heads whips to meet Kuroo's usual smirk, he probably heard his stomach. His other hand pointed towards the exit with his thumb, apparently everyone else was ready to go, waiting for Hinata. 

"Sounds like you're starving chibi-chan."

"Ah, no--*growl*"

"…."

"…"

" I think they might only have left over onigiris but we better hurry before Bokuto finish them all. We can continue our match again tomorrow."

"R-right!" Hinata couldn't really find a way to refuse eating when his stomach was going against him. Bokuto must have a 6th sense when people mention because he makes his way over.

"What did you say Kuroo?! You should be worried about Kuroo chibi-chan, he will probably steal your food!"

"H-hey don't tell him that, besides that was you!" Bokuto hung his arm around Hinata's shoulders while Kuroo pointed accusingly at Bokuto.

"W-what ? No it was---!"

"It was you Bokuto."

"Akaashi! You're suppose to have my back!"

While Bokuto and Kuroo continue arguing, Hinata manages to get out of their grasp and joins Akaashi and Tsukishima who continue walking towards the cafeteria; captains left behind forgotten.

"How are you feeling today?"

Akaashi takes a glance from the corner of his eye to catch a glimpse of Hinata's face.

"I'm doing better…"

Hinata really did feel better but he was still unsure how to act normal when they really never had a conversation before that incident. 

"I see… so, did you enjoy today's practice? Bokuto might be a bit loud but he's easier to talk to and he is reliable (sometimes) so you can ask him anything."

Hinata nodded, it's easier now that he can ramble on about how cool it was to practice with them. In a way, Hinata noticed, Akaashi was quiet like Kenma so it might've been easier to talk to him even if it would look one-sided to someone else.  
*

Hinata looked down at his food, it was small, more of a light midnight snack but even so it still didn't make Hinata want to eat. He has noticed his lack of eating excessively caused some side effects and a normal appetizing meal didn't sit as well with Hinata as it use to…..  
He looked around to see the others eat and he knew it would be weird if he didn't start eating too. He wants too but the pills in his bag were calling out to him and the voices raising from its slumber, into a jumble of doubts.

"What's up chibi-chan? Don't like Onigiris?"

"No no, I like them…it's just…"

"Then what's wrong? Want mine? It has tuna!"

Bokuto pushed it to Hinata until Hinata couldn't say no and took it in his hands. Bokuto took Hinata's pain onigiri and looked ready to dig in but stopped himself. He was looking at Hinata expectantly. Hinata didn't catch on until Bokuto looked from his face to the onigiri in his hands…oh, he was waiting for him to eat first. It was nerve-wracking to have people look at him when he eats but he couldn't see himself getting out of it. He took a small bite and slowly chewed. Once he swallowed, he took another bite. He could see Bokuto was content and bit into his own meal. 

Kuroo watched from across the table, he was proud to see Bokuto get the little crow to eat but he wonders about something. He had observed Hinata for long enough to know a few things about him but he is not the only one. Kuroo saw Tsukishima glaring at the orange-head boy,

'He must be catching on as well' Tsukishima must have noticed someone look at him and met Kuroo's gaze. Kuroo made sure to not give anything away but he tried to send a silent message because as curious as he was, he wanted to respect Kenma's wishes.

'Don't ambush the boy right now.' Kuroo could see Megane (glasses) give him an irritated look but silently returned to eating so maybe he got the memo.  
*

After a rowdy late night snack, when everyone was heading back to bathe and sleep. Bokuto and Akaashi were ahead, chitchatting (well just Bokuto) while Hinata lagged behind the others. Kuroo was the first one to notice and slowed down to match the boy's steps. Hinata didn't notice, he kept looking around the hallways and focused on muting the voices in his head.

"Chibi-chan?"

"Y-yes?"

"…."

Kuroo took a while to select the right words in his mind, really, it was easier with Kenma but now he has to really watch his words with others, especially in the case of Hinata. He doesn't want to scare the boy or set him off but for once he feels like Kenma would've been better at this than he was right now…

' "Don't freak out but….," …well that would sound too shady even for him '  
' " I know you need to take your pills," No, that would most certainly freak Hinata out'

He didn't know what else to do so he just went for it without a plan. 

"I know you already talked a bit with Kenma but… um, can we talk privately?" 

'Smooth Kuroo….so much for trying to not sound creepy' 

Kuroo's smile was frozen as he mentally slapped himself. Hinata was also thinking about his question, it wasn't surprising to think Kuroo would know something and recalling Kenma's words made him agree despite the voices screaming at him against it.

"Okay…"

Tsukishima was confused when Kuroo and Hinata stopped walking but looking back only gave him more confusion. Kuroo told the others they were going somewhere else and honestly…Tsukishima wanted to stop them. It was strange, he was unsure about letting them go, not that he was worried particularly just…it kinda pissed him a bit to see Hinata go with Kuroo like he trusts him more.   
He isn't expecting Hinata trust Tsukishima of course, but Hinata has been so closed off from his own teammates and now he is trusting another team more than his own. Tsukishima thought it was contradictory to Hinata's previous talk about trusting your teammates when he is like this.  
Tsukishima was curious but he knew he could not follow them and not get caught plus it was getting late so someone like Yamaguchi will find it weird that he is late (Hinata too but it was more plausible the boy stayed late practicing).

"Whatever."

Tsukishima was almost glad he saw Hinata flinch at his harsh tone as he turned back to bath and go to bed. His mind was too tired and he kept telling himself he doesn't care even though it stings. He was getting tired of being lied to and have others hide things from him because he knew in the end it was helping neither him nor Hinata. It didn't help his brother either.   
***

Hinata was sure Tsukishima was pissed at him but he couldn't understood why, I mean, Tsukishima never really said anything and only Yamaguchi really knew what the other boy thought.

"Maybe I pissed him again.." Kuroo mumbled but continued to guide Hinata to the other hall near a vending machine. 

"I'll buy, what do you want?"

"Oh, um…I'm fine with anything.."

Kuroo shrugged and got some tea for both of them as Hinata sat in the bench nearby. He sat down and handed Hinata his drink, Hinata gave a small thanks and they sat there in silence. Kuroo sighed, he was not sure how to attack the topic and it did put him on edge to have Hinata so quiet unlike his usual self on the court (of course even when he is quiet, he would have this scary expression like a predator, so he would be unnerved regardless ).

 

"So….shouldn't you take your pills chibi-chan?"

It was poor delivery but Kuroo sometimes had to go straight for the throat, metaphorically. Hinata felt a sudden wave of déjà vu as he looked at Kuroo, his widened eyes soon pushed into a hardened glare as his hands gripping onto the bottle of tea.

"How…how did you find that out?"

Kuroo retreated back at the tone of Hinata's voice. It was different, felt more threatening, like his whole personality flipped and he wasn't talking to Hinata anymore. The aura around the boy changed into something heavier, something stronger. One of his eyes even appeared brighter, with a golden hint to them.

"Chibi-chan? Uh- calm down, I just happened to guess….well…..Kenma and I happened to see you a couple weeks back. You were hanging out with Aobajousai's captain right?/ Oikawa Tooru?"

That seemed to dispel whatever had possessed Hinata because whatever that was left and Kuroo could breath better. Hinata lost his glare and continued to look at Kuroo, mouth agape.

" We didn't mean to eavesdrop but we happened to see you--!"

"Did you see--" Suddenly Hinata was gripping Kuroo's shirt collar, leaving Kuroo baffled by his actions,

"You did, didn't you? What did you hear? Did yo hear everything? Did you---"

"Chibi-chan!"

Kuroo didn't know what else to do but grip the other boy's shoulders and try to drag him out of his thoughts, it worked apparently because Hinata immediately let go of Kuroo and began apologizing his disrespectful attitude towards Kuroo (a 3rd year). Kuroo dismissed his apologies and let go of Hinata. Hinata plopped back in his seat and looked down in shame. Kuroo reach forward to grab the bottle that was thrown to the ground and handed it back to Hinata.

"Here. First take your pills and calm down."

Hinata didn't raise his head but nodded to let him know he was paying attention. He moved to look into his bag and took his pill bottle out. As if on auto mode, Hinata takes out two pills and takes them both in before opening his tea bottle and chugging it down his throat. In the mean time, Kuroo decided to start again,

"It was just me and Kenma who know, we were too far to hear anything but it was my idea, not Kenma's. He was the one who told me to respect your wishes and that's why I didn’t say anything until now. No one else knows but….when are you planning to tell the rest of your teammates?"

Hinata flinched at that. The voices left but it was only replaced with his own thoughts. He knows, he's had Oikawa tell him that every time, he told himself that everyday. Sometimes, even Kuroko or Midorima suggested he's do just that but….. When indeed?

Answering in silence, Kuroo couldn't stop himself from talking more. He didn't really think he had a position to say anything but someone needed to push the boy because it was already bad enough Hinata was holding in so much. He had seem what happened when Kenma held things in but Kuroo was there to help him open up but it's not good for Hinata or Karasuno for Hinata to keep quiet, regardless about what is making Hinata hesitate. 

Kuroo knows and it should be clear to anyone how much Karasuno values their decoy, even Megane looked concerned about Hinata. Every team is built on trust and this was putting a dent in their team, each member's worry was apparent but they are waiting for Hinata to come forth so why…

"Why..You--"

"I know! I know…..I'm scared of rejection….I'm scared…I don't want to mess this up…this is the first real team I've been on. I want to tell them more than anything but I don't want to burden them…we could have won if I wasn't…..if I wasn't like this…….I…."

"Chibi-chan….you know you have to tell them.."

"I know…and I will. I'm…just trying find the right time to tell them but….I will try to do it before this training camp is over."

Hinata was all over the place but he face Kuroo, determined. It took a while but he made the resolve to tell them before they would leave here. He had to tell them he knew. Kuroo looked back at him, trying to see any hint of a lie but he found Hinata was serious, if not just a tad scared. He didn't comment about Hinata's shaking hands and simply nodded.

"Okay…good." Kuroo pet Hinata's hair before getting up. 

"We should probably go, we are still sweaty from practice and your team will worry if I have you out for too long."

"O-oh R-right!"

Hinata quickly got to his feet and walked back with Kuroo, he got ready for bed and made his way to Karasuno's room. He was chewed out a bit for barley making it before lights out, he apologized and Suga couldn't hold it against him since the boy looked so drained. Hinata was a little bit scared about sleeping but before he could do anything, he got a call.

"Um Daichi? I'm sorry but can I take this call? It's important…"

Daichi looked at Hinata, he was suppose to be the captain of this team and guide his team but he was unsure how to do that with Hinata. He only knew as much as Ukai-sensei and Suga but he might have to confront Hinata sooner or later although he was still hoping Hinata could come to him personally and tell him when he is ready to talk…. Daichi saw the urgency in Hinata's eyes and it was hard to go against his pleading eyes.

"You have 10 minutes."

"Thank you."

Hinata rushed out of the room but stayed close enough so that he could not be hear but still return if something….unpleasant appears. He looks down at the call ID and presses the call button.

"Natsu? Why aren't you asleep?"

"Onii-chan *hic*…can't sleep…I had.. bad dream…"

He could hear Natsu's tiny voice sound so close to tears and began to sooth her.

"It's okay Natsu, it was only a bad dream, it's not real. Don't cry, nothing bad will happen.."

"I…..Onii-chan's friends went away and…..Onii-chan was lonely…..and…..Onii-chan went away….I…I.."

Hinata's heart almost dropped. It was scary to think how that could be a possibility but he continued to reassure Natsu everything was fine….it will be fine…..Hinata stayed like that, not knowing if he was consoling Natsu or himself.

"I have to go soon Natsu, how about I tell you a story, it will be short this time but I'll tell you more when I get back okay?"

Natsu didn't say anything but he could tell she was nodding, her whimpers gone and she sounded calmer.

"Alright, let's see….ah. Once upon a time there was this bird that was scared of everything. He was scared of the world outside that he couldn't even fly so he would hide away from everything. One day, he met a cat. This cat wasn't like the other cats that would chase the bird away. This cat wanted to help the bird fly but the bird was still scared. The cat didn't give up and after trying to many times, the crow was finally able to fly. The bird was so happy to fly but the bird was also scared. Because now he would be leaving his cat friend behind. But the cat didn't mind, the cat told him to fly for the both of them, they will meet again and the bird could only promise to meet the cat again. The cat will be waiting there for him and the bird will fly higher and higher for the two of them. Then the crow will come back and tell his cat friend everything he saw and…and…"

Hinata didn't know why he felt tears coming down from his eyes, strange. He found of all the times he has cried, he couldn't explain this one….why was he feeling sad? So many things feel so far from Hinata's grasp, it was everything kept shifting and everything was becoming too far away and at the same time too close to breath normally…

"Onii-chan?"

"Ah, sorry Natsu, The meet again in the end and they meet new friends, everything worked out. Sorry, I have to go, has mom gone to sleep?....okay, you should sleep too, bye Natsu, I love you."

"I love you too Oniichan, I hope Oniichan is happy…"

Something caught in Hinata's throat, he could hear the small snores through the phone but he continues to hold onto his phone and whisper..

"Yea…..I.."

Hinata heard some sounds from the room (no doubt Tanaka and Nishinoya getting rowdy) and hanged up. He wiped the remaining tears, thankfully it wasn't another set of waterworks but Hinata slapped his cheeks for good measure before entering the room…..he can do this and he will tell them….he just hopes nothing else will happen, nothing terrible that could interfere….


	12. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata's resolve is a fragile one but the more time passes make the other members of Karasuno grow restless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I had this planned to put up yesterday but I've had a few problems with my schedule. I probably rushed it a bit but I had a few second thoughts on several things. Anyways, enjoy!

Morning came by so quickly. It took Hinata a while to sleep but at least he had no more night terrors. In fact, Hinata slept in for the first time ever.

"Time to get up!"

"mmm…5 more minutes…" 

Hinata turned, trying to ignore Nishinoya's chipper voice, a round of other groans around him protesting the same thing. Suddenly, there was a flash of light. Nishinoya had opened the curtains letting the sun's rays overtake the room in a flash of light. Hinata hears Asahi cry in surprise as Hinata groans louder and forces himself up. His head throbbed in pain and he felt a bit heavier. He wasn't use to waking up so late and his body was still clinging to the futon for extra seconds of sleep. He stood there for a while, eyes still shut in sleep and the drowsiness clearing up in his mind, ready to give his body directions to move and get ready. He almost trips but he catches himself and continues forward, he hears someone next to him but his eyes are still close so he ignores it and feels his way to the bathroom.

"Hinatacchi, that's dangerous, you could get hurt…" Hinata grumbles in response as he heads inside the restroom and automatically heads for the sink to splash water on his face

"No I won't Kise…"

"You say something Hinata?"

Hinata froze up, not by the cold water hitting his face but by Nishinoya's voice not too far away, did he hear that?

"Uuuhhh nothing, just tired" Hinata held his breath until he heard his senpai laugh

"Okay, wake up soon! We still have some games to win! "

"R-right!"

"That's right! I feel like today's the day! Hey, someone wake up Yamaguchi!"

'Today's the day huh….'

Hinata quickly finishes splashing his face and starts brushing his teeth, the sound of water is heard over Aomine scolding Kise for distracting Hinata. When he feels ready, Hinata moves onto getting dressed. His body still feels heavy so he silently takes Murasakibara's help and accepts his clothes before putting it on. He doesn't spare his hair a look and walks out to the cafeteria. By this point he is wide awake and got in line to grab his meal. He took a glance over to Nekoma's table before walking to his spot next to Kageyama and the rest of Karasuno. He looks down at his food and contemplates, at the time Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walked by with their trays. Tsukishima is on the fence about confronting Hinata. He's had it with jumping around the question, but when he gathers enough courage, he turns to see Hinata with his cheeks stuffed with food. The boy was like a squirrel. The glint from the sun hid Tsukishima's eyes as he looks down at Hinata baffled. 

This was something Hinata would've normally done and even asking the boy gave Tsukishima an expected incoherent reply. Tsukishima thought the boy was going to choke anytime but it seemed after just a few large bites, Hinata felt sick and turned green… really, if he couldn't eat a lot before, he certainly can't just start now without his body rejecting it. Hinata made a sprint to the bathroom and gladly he made it on time before the room would smell like vomit. Everyone more or less knew why the boy ran and normally it was a laughing matter but Suga and Daichi were overcome with concern. They wanted to see if Hinata was okay, but, much to their surprise, Tsukishima offered to 'check up on him and bring him back'.

"Well….alright…"

Suga wanted to check himself but it was strange to think that Tsukishima offered to do it and that really made Suga suspicious . Does he know something? Really, Suga hated the fact that he couldn't help Hinata, the feeling of being left in the dark. There was only so much patience he had but what had also held him back was how he could even bring it up without the result of something that could affect Hinata or even Karasuno as a whole… It was a critical time for Karasuno, they were on the brink of successfully using their new techniques and Suga didn't want to push Hinata over the edge with questions even if it worried him so much. Daichi felt the same thing but as captain, he had a whole team to care for and he wanted to think Hinata had his reasons and just needed time…. Still, there was so much restlessness, all stemming from one boy and soon the cat will get out of the bag, regardless of who was prepared or not.

Suga and Daichi looked at each other, silently having a conversation about what can be done. Daichi sighs and moves his hand under the table to squeeze Suga's hand. They agree to wait just a bit longer but before this training camp was over, someone needed to start talking. 

Kageyama was sitting next to Hinata during the time, frowning in concern. He wanted to go after Hinata but there was a buzzing next to him coming from Hinata's phone left behind. He took a minute to think and hesitantly, he looks at the notification.  
****

Meanwhile, Tsukishima walks down the hallway towards the restroom. On the way, he ran every question he had through his head. 

'What happened with you and Kuroo? Why don't you tell one of your teammates? Do you trust us so little? What are you hiding, why?'

For every question there was a 'favorable' and unfavorable answer, but left unanswered made it hard for Tsukishima to ignore it. He was up all night in deep thought, thankfully Hinata didn't have another night terror but the question of that creature still plagues Tsukishima. Was it real? Tsukishima slapped himself, of course not. Don't be stupid, Hinata must be getting to him if he thought something so illogical could be true but….then what? A ghost? Manifestation of something? Actual creeper? Hinata's imagination? Some things sounded more plausible than others, but they all implied Hinata was loosing it or too paranoid. What made him this way? Tsukishima runs over everything in his mind that he knows about Hinata, but even then there was big gaps of unanswered questions Tsukishima could only fill in with hypothesis and theories. He really needs to get another hobby if it's going be this stressful playing volleyball with such an esoteric person. 

When Tsukishima entered the bathroom, he can hear what's clearly someone emptying their stomach. The strange thing was, right after, he could hear Hinata's groggy voice as if he was talking to someone. 

"I'm fine Mid…yes really….just….sick…."

Slowly, he approaches the furthest stall left open from the sudden rush of things and peering inside, he is met with untamed orange hair. He hears the boy cough and a hand reaching forward to flush away his unconsumed food. Tsukishima stands there for a while before he looks over and grabs a few towels from the dispenser and hand them towards Hinata.

"Here."

Hinata flinches at the new appearance and looks behind him. He was using the back of his hand to wipe his mouth but Tsukishima's eyes were focused on the glint in his eye. The strange thing about Hinata's eyes besides its hypnotic appearance on court is that right now to Tsukishima, they appeared to have a greener hint. The look in his eye felt similar to how Tsukishima's was looking back at him, calculating. Both dare not move but as more time dragged on, it seemed like Hinata made his mind and accepted the towel, muttering a small thanks. Tsukishima looked at Hinata, no matter what he couldn't figure him out and it was getting to the point that he couldn't ignore it. Everyone just seemed to tip toe around it but what is that really accomplishing? 

"Um…t-thank you….um, I...we should hurry..."

Hinata cleans the last bits of his breakfast, he feels weak and he still hasn't taken his pills. Gathering the few bits of his strength, he gets up from his spot and turns around. To his surprise, Tsukishima was still standing near the bathroom stall looking at him, an unreadable expression on his face. Hinata almost stepped back startled but stopped himself, his legs were already like jelly. He kept the towel over his mouth, giving Tsukishima a small bow before walking past the taller blonde. He only walked a few steps when the other's voice stopped him. 

"Is that all?"

"..h-huh?"

Hinata was frozen in place, he didn't dare breath. 

"I told you before, you can't expect me to not ask anything. Did you think I wouldn't ask? Do you think no one would notice? "

Hinata refused to look behind him. Tsukishima just took it as a sign to continue,

"We aren't clueless or are you the one who doesn't have a clue how obvious it is? What is it? Why are you still refusing to say anything? Let me guess, is it that you trust other people more than your own team? Did you have a nice chat with Kuroo?! You know how worried---!"

Tsukishima's words stung, they struck Hinata unrelentless and it felt like a bait because all the voices started to increase. Shut up. Shut up...

"Shut up! Don't you think I know? I am trying!"

Everyday, everyday he is reminded, he knows. He needs to talk but how can he? How can he talk when the words are stuck in his throat? When he knows the looks he's going to get? There are too many voices, too many reasons not to say. He just wants time….is that too much to ask for?

Tsukishima was startled by Hinata's initial outburst but he didn't wavier. 

"Then why are you---!"

"Because! " Hinata continued to refuse eye contact, but Tsukishima could see him shaking. Hinata's lungs were burning, his chest was burning. He needed to breath but the voices were polluting the air around Hinata, he was scared to breath. 

Tsukishima knew talking to Hinata was going to get him nowhere but he was going to push it as much as he could. If he didn't Hinata might never say anything on his own.

"Because what?! You said you're trying but all you're trying is to make a fool of us! Why?! Why are you still trying to pretend everything is alright when it's not?! Huh?!"

Tsukishima grabbed Hinata's wrist before he could escape. The air was suffocating, it was getting to be too much, too loud. The voices kept getting louder but he was still able to hear Tsukishima's words. It was all just mixing together and Hinata just wanted it to stop. Something was slowly breaking, deteriorating. Snip snip, Hinata yanks his hand away and turns to face Tsukishima.

"What do you know?! Why do you care?! It's hard okay?! 

"You think I don’t care?! What about the rest of your team?! Suga? Daichi? Your partner Kageyama, did you think about them ?! If it's so hard why can't you just talk?! Why do you go to other--?!"

"Why do you have Oikawa's number?!"

Hinata's head quickly snapped back to the door where Kageyama stood, breath harder than normal with a face full of fury. He had his hand up displaying Hinata's phone with the screen displaying a notification message from none other than Oikawa Tooru. Hinata couldn't even react, there was a dark chuckle behind him.

"So I was right? You tell everyone else but your actual teammates?! What, do you trust us so little?"

Tsukishima's voice fades, Hinata doesn't even know if it's really Tsukishima or the negative voices in his head but his fingers twitch, another snip, it's snapping…he lunches forward to Kageyama.

"Give that back!"

Kageyama stumbles back in the impact, but he manages to keep the phone out of Hinata's reach. He needed answers now, he felt so many emotions but above all he was hurt and betrayed. 

"When did you exchange numbers?! Since when ?! Why?!"

Kageyama screamed in Hinata's face but Hinata was unable to hear anything remotely coherent. It was all static noise that flooded the room and his only focus was on his phone.

"Give it back!"

He continued to jump, not even realizing he bit Kageyama when he tried to push Hinata with his other hand. Tsukishima stood there, or maybe not; everything blurred for Hinata besides his cellphone. It was only when he felt a pair of arms and hands pull him away did he realize his surroundings. Suga and Daichi pried Hinata off Kageyama while Tanka and Nishinoya held Kageyama back. Ennoshita and Yamaguchi were next to Tsukishima, trying to put distance and prevent him from getting involve, but Hinata didn't care. 

"What's going on?! Hinata? Hinata listen!"  
The voice was muffled, everything was, the voices , everything was blaring, even the sound of Hinata's blood pumping throughout his body. 

Hinata struggles for a good while as he watched Kageyama struggle as well, dropping the phone to the floor and accidently stepping on it as he stumbles back in his struggle against Tanaka. When there was a small crack sound, everything ceased, and the temperature dropped by 100 degrees. Everyone was frozen and timed stopped. Hinata yanks out of his senpai's grip and stumbles forward.   
Kageyama had already moved his foot off the cellphone but steps back as Hinata crouches down to pick his possibly broken phone. He can't bring himself to say anything, he can't apologize with everything running through his mind and Hinata was eerily quiet. 

Hinata held his phone, Kageyama looks down at him, waiting for a reaction. No one moved, as if everyone held their breaths, the noise subsided if only for a second for Hinata before restarting. The words are stuck behind Kageyama's lips shut into a tight line, finally Hinata looks up at him. His eyes were threatening with tears but what took Kageyama by surprise besides the emotions running through Hinata's eyes was the flicker of colors that finally settled on a denim blue. The look in his eye was brief but it kept Kageyama in his spot while Hinata quickly gets up and walks past him. Roughly pushing his shoulder must've snapped Kageyama out of it as he turned around and looked at Hinata's retreating back.

"We aren't done--!"

"Let him go Kageyama. Look I don't know what's happened but it's better to leave Hinata alone. We have to go to practice now, let's not get into any fights for now. You too Tsukishima, let's go."

Tsukishima tsked but said nothing more. Daichi put a hand on Kageyama's shoulder but Kageyama didn't react. When Hinata's back disappeared, Kageyama finally grumbled and stormed off. Tsukishima followed right after, the others who were in the dark looked at each other before walking as well. Daichi and Suga remained there, questioning if they handled the situation as they should've…..  
***

There was still a clear amount of tension between many of Karasuno's members. If they were out of sync before, then it was even worse now. They were loosing considerably bad despite the progress they made before.

'This is bad..' Ukai signaled for a time out, quietly they all gathered around him, the other team looking over them confused and worried.

"Look, I don't know what happened but you are all doing considerably poor. I need you guys to clear your heads and focus on the game right now. Sort out whatever problems you have between yourselves after you win. Don't waste the effort you've been putting thus far, am I clear?"

"Right."

It lacked the normal enthusiasm but it did seem like they understood, at least to Ukai. He sighed, it was getting harder to help but this is all he could do for now. Ukai could really use a cigarette……he could tell by their faces, they had somethings to resolve and it seemed like Hinata was in the middle of it.

"Hinata."

Hinata stopped, he didn't look at the coach but he already knew why the older man called him. He was getting switched out. He would've normally fought to stay on court, but he knew that he was the reason his team was getting worse and he couldn't say anything about that. Plus, he couldn't take his pills this morning, all the voices he hears had become a poison and his body is slowly succumbing to that weakening numbness. Accepting this, he sat next to Ukai on the bench, looking only down at his feet.

"I take it something happened between you and Kageyama again?"

Hinata didn't even deny Ukai's words, it wasn't really a question anyways.

"Seems like it wasn't just him this time…I heard you threw up this morning, but I don't think I need to ask if you feel better."

Hinata didn't have to look into a mirror to know how horrible he must've looked. It's nosy. He felt itchy all over, he wanted to just scratch his ears out from all the noise. He can't think clearly, his mind was closing, it was a cage made of voices and he feels locked in. Ukai notice Hinata's silence and sighed before he pushed Hinata's back forward.

"You should go get something to eat and do what you need to do. When you feel ready, I'll let you play. Don't worry, I'll talk to the others if I have to."

Hinata finds the strength to get up from the bench, he looks over at Ukai before he nods. He takes his bag and walks over to the exit and head for the cafeteria. Shimizu and Yachi didn't stop Hinata, they didn’t know how to help him besides telling him there was some left over food in the table where the kitchen is. Hinata nods and walks past the worried managers, he was too zoned out to say anything in fear the voices would spill and overflow his mind. 

He makes it to the cafeteria and finds some left over food. He really didn't want to vomit again so he only ate one before going through his bag for his pills and a water bottle. He almost dropped the bottle when he finally notices the creature near the door entrance. Hinata's shaky fingers catch the bottle and struggle to open the bottle, downing the pills. He takes a few more gulps and when he finally looks back up, the creature is gone. Hinata's legs gave out and he slumps into a nearby chair and sighs in relief once the voices faded into a low hum…His head was still in pain but at least it was finally silent… He looks up, taking in the silence of the room. Everyone was gathered in the gym giving Hinata the whole cafeteria to himself. After a minute of silence, Hinata lets his face fall into his hands, another sigh escaping his lips, this time in frustration.

What was he doing? He felt angry at himself for causing more problems….Why couldn't he say anything? Why was this so hard? Thoughts ran through his head, one after the other moving like a train, coming and going…...he….he just wanted time……it feels like it's ticking down, everything. He grips his orange locks, of course it's foolish now to wish for more time until he can sort himself out. He told himself he would tell them but he felt he was going to blow up again. He looks over to his bottle of pills, picking it up to examine. It felt lighter but it was still a heavy hand cuff to him.

'Why am I like this?'

"Hinata."

Hinata's head shoots up, he looks around but no one is in sight. He was the only one in the room…..man, he feels like he really is loosing it. He holds his head in pain from moving his head too fast. He stays there for a bit longer when he hears his name called again. This time it's Yamaguchi who hesitantly walks towards Hinata nervously.

"Hinata. Coach Ukai asked me to come get you, are you feeling better?"

Hinata look at Yamaguchi, trying to guess if he is another illusion but after a while he decides to look away before he make it any more awkward. He looks back at the pill bottle tightly held in his hands….from the corner of his eyes he can see Yamaguchi's eyes follow his to the bottle, eyes widen in realization. Hinata grips the bottle harder and shoves into his bag. Feeling better, he collects himself and gets up, a smile on his face.

"Yup, sorry about that! I'm ready-er is the match over? We better hurry! I wanna play!"

"O-oh, um yeah…uh..r-right…"

Hinata just smiles at the confused Yamaguchi and walks ahead. Yamaguchi follows, a bit startled by the sudden change but he won't point it out. They didn't talk much but Hinata kept his smile and Yamaguchi trailed behind in his own thoughts. It really was hard tp figure out Hinata but he was also wondering if Tsukishima had tried to confront Hinata earlier. Knowing Tsukishima, he probably did. He was patient but Yamaguchi suspects he ran out of that especially after how Hinata has been acting. He also knew Tsukishima was not going to let it go so it was a matter of time before there was another dispute. Yamaguchi didn't particularly like arguments but he does feel a sting when Hinata keeps putting a front like he is right now.   
***

Hinata only joined in a couple games, he would've joined more if he could but Ukai was very insistent on taking long breaks. He did learn a couple things from watching though, some skills Bokuto was using against Karasuno (Ukai said it was a rebound). Eventually official practice was over and the coaches (all the grown ups) gathered for drinks ( Ukai was hesitant but Hinata reassured him and Nekoma's coach was already dragging him, knowing there was something going on that Karasuno needed to sort out within its members). The rest of the members continued to practice solo or with others. Hinata didn't have a plan as for what to do, but he knew he couldn't practice with the others like yesterday, not with Tsukishima there anyways. He gathered his belongings, ready to sprint when someone cut into his plans.

"Hinata. We need to talk."

He paused, Kageyama stood in between him and the exit. He didn't look around but he felt eyes on him. The humming of voices start up and its like a swarm of mosquitos inching closer and closer, he tightens his fists bracing himself. Hinata continues to walk but Kageyama blocks his only exit, holding him there.

"Why is Oikawa texting you? Since when? How can you --Are you really talking with the enemy?! Are you crazy?!"

Hinata snaps his head up, he didn’t know why but he felt a bit defensive

"That's only on court, this has nothing to do with being rivals!"

"So what? You rather talk to him than us? Are you stupid?!"

There it was, that accusation. Guilt sweeps in and he looses the grip he didn't know he had on Kageyama's shirt. 

"T-that's not…"

"But that's why it look like! You rather get help from the enemy while we are waiting like idiots for you to tell us--!"

Everyone else looked, no one had gotten involved. There weren't many people there since some teams moved to the other gym or went to eat so it was mostly Karasuno members who stayed behind. They were on their guard ready to intervene if it got physical again, but really they didn't take action because Kageyama spoke what most of them had thought. It was hard to not to feel hurt at the thought that only they were the clueless ones. They were suppose to be the closest to Hinata but the distance put between them felt like they were strangers to him.

" I wasn't--this--it wasn't suppose to be like this! I was going to tell you--!"

"When?! When were you, after we graduate?! Why can't you tell us?! Huh?! ---"

Kageyama's voice faded with the voices, they were all speaking over each other. Whispering louder and louder in Hinata's head.

'They won't accept you, don't tell them'  
'They'll see you as a freak'  
'They secretly hate you'  
'They don't want you'  
'They hate you'

Hinata was trembling, everything is pilling up, he can't bring himself to say anything. Every time he wants to tell them, he fears come to surface and he pushes the thought down. He didn't mean to hurt them, he didn't want to push them. All he wanted was time...why…. Why can't he just have some time? Why does he have to say anything right now? Why does he have to give away his sanctuary, where he is seen as someone normal…why….why can't they understand that? Do they really need to know? His mask is falling out of reach, it falls to the ground and splits in half. Hinata tries to hard to put it back on, it's failing. He didn't even realize Kageyama is shaking him, he doesn't know what to do. His emotions are out of whack and his body is screaming to run, to find a place to breath. It's all becoming too much. Another snip. Snap.

"Why is it so hard to come talk to us?! It's so obvious something is ---!"

Hinata pushes Kageyama away from him. Unprepared, Kageyama immediately shuts up as he falls to the ground with a thud. He looks at Hinata shocked, and Hinata stares down at him with purple eyes. He blinks again and his eyes return to their normal orange hue, except….one of them slowly darkens and soon it's a crimson red, enhancing the anger in Hinata's eyes. For once, Kageyama is almost scared of Hinata, but, he can't even say this is Hinata. It felt like a stranger to Kageyama and it made it all the more frightening.

"And how do you suppose someone can just bring it up?! Just talk?! And? What happens after that?! What are you going to do when you find out?! Listen?! Help?! Just pushing and pushing for answers when you don't even know anything, will you even understand?!"

Karasuno felt something was off with Hinata, he never spoke like this. They felt like they had pushed Hinata into a corner but this was something completely abnormal. No one could approach Hinata even if they wanted to, the boy felt out of reach and it was frightening to feel an invisible wall between them. They felt guilty for pushing the boy but they were still hurt to be pushed away, what could they do?

"I...I don't…I don't understand! That's why I'm telling you to tell us! Let me understand, how am I suppose to do anything when you won't even talk?!"

"Kageyama. Stop." Kageyama paid no mind to Daichi, he could only look at Hinata, watching the color of his eyes, the tears that start with no sign of ever stopping.

Akashi felt angered to have someone push Hinata, he had accepted that Hinata's team should know about Hinata but what right does that guy have to push Hinata for answers in front of everyone when Hinata isn't ready? He was the one who told Hinata to not rush it. He knew Hinata would be ready in due time but it was falling apart because of this boy Kageyama. He must've been driven by emotion, he needed to calm down but it was difficult. 

All the others felt restlessness, Murasakibara was infuriated by this kid who touched Hinata. Aomine and Kise were ready to tear this boy apart, even Midorima was silent in anger. Akashi was the one in charge, he needed to calm down and be the reasonable one. Kageyama was right, they all needed to talk but Hinata's current state was not stable so it was not the time for that. Hinata was clutching his head from the throbbing pain, he felt everyone is watching and he just wanted to disappear.

"It's not like I wanted this! I didn't ask to be this way! ..I didn't….I …I only wanted some time…."

"Hinata…" Suga wants to go over and console Hinata, he wanted to help but it felt like Hinata had put a barrier and it was hard to approach. So many questions...so many that for a minuite Suga asked himself if he wanted to know, if he was ready.....could he understand?

Kageyama felt guilty, he never seen Hinata cry so much, not since they lost against Aobajousai. He tries to get up and reach up to him but Hinata's legs restart and he is running to the exit before he knew it. He needs to get out of there. Kageyama just stands there as everyone else does, they don't know what to think. What happened?  
****

Kuroko was conflicted, he was mad. He had so many reasons to be angry but he was angry at himself for not helping earlier. He was slowly trying to let go of the hand that kept reaching out seeking comfort , but every time it pained Kuroko and he would go back to hold it. He thought things were getting better and Hinata didn't need his help to get back up. Kuroko thought he needed to hold back and let Hinata be on his own…..now look where that's gone.

Hinata had ran, he couldn't stay there. He needs to leave, he messed it all up but where can he go now? He managed to grab his bag before he left, he goes through it in a panic trying to find his phone. Right. It's damaged. It's broken, but Hinata desperately pushes the buttons trying to get it to work, he can't text Oikawa. He's alone again. He is shaking, panicking. He's closing himself off but Kuroko wraps his arms around head, pulling him closer to him.

"Hinata. Look at me. Please don't cry....It's going to be okay, I'm here. I know……shh…don't worry…."

Hinata wants to cling onto that, he wants to stay in Kuroko's arms forever but he was sure he just messed everything up. He was suppose to tell them, and he was going to but….

Casting aside his embarrassment, Kuroko gives him kisses on his forehead and cheeks to make him feel better. Hinata would've normally been ecstatic, but right now he tried not to choke on his own sobs.

"Hinatacchi…"

Kise bend down to pat Hianta's back, hoping he could take some of his pain away. Kuroko had wiped Hinata's tears away, he could see the others around his despite the blurriness from the tears and rubbing. Aomine was pacing back and forth, clearly distressed, Midorima silently stood near Hinata, clearly in deep thought. 

"I'm sorry Hina-chan…."

In front of Hinata was Murasakibara who looked down at his feet like a kid in trouble. After that Akashi sighed and walked over to Hinata as well.

"I apologize as well, I was out of line and let my emotions get to me. We made things worse for you."

Hinata looked at Akashi mildly surprise, he never really thought Akashi would ever apologize, or, well, let his emotions overshadow his reasoning. Hinata was still leaning on Kuroko when he shook his head.

"N-no, you guys didn't do anything wrong….I….I should have said something earlier…I….I was too scared and now I…I......"

Kuroko hushed him, he was worried if Hinata would freak out again if one of Karasuno's members came searching for him. Although he knew they would grow worried if Hinata didn't come return, it would be bad to have Hinata go into a frenzy. Hinata looked down, he couldn't even face his own problems....why...why.....why is everything breaking around him? He ruined everything, says the voices. He really had it coming...didn't he? 

"H-Hinatachhi! You can't scratch yourself like that, you're going to draw blood!"

Aomine lunches forward towards Hinata. Aomine and Kise hold his hands down and stop him from further hurting himself while Kuroko holds his head, he needs to calm Hinata down. Hinata felt lost, he was surely going to be abandoned. Voices turned into flames, his body was on fire. Stop it. Please. He can't loose this, he can't loose this too...

"Let me go Aomine! It's too loud…It hurts! Kuroko make it stop!"

"He needs to take his pills…"

Kuroko tries not to panic as he consoles Hinata with more desprate kisses. Midorima was looking around, there was a sound not too far and he was worried it was that Kageyama kid.

"…H-hinata?"

Hinata immediately stopped struggling, he looks up, mouth agape. The fear of being spotted made him freeze all over down to his blood.

"Ah…"  
*****

"I thought I told you not to ambush him."

"…."

Kuroo knew something was wrong when Tsukishima arrived alone, the other Karasuno member no where in sight. Kenma was off to the side but pieced together something was wrong and left immediately to search for Hinata. Kuroo sighed, Akaashi had that sensation in the pit of his stomach, he knew something would happen but he really wanted to deny it. He looked over to Bokuto, it was strange to see such a serious expression on the other boy, was everything going to be fine?

Kenma ran to the other gym, he was hoping to get some answers, and he didn't have to look far because he could hear voices talking from the entrance.

" Why didn't you wait ?"

"…"

"What do we do now…. "

"Should we go look for him?"

"What do you mean? Of course we need to find him! You're worried too right?"

"I am but…."

Kenma tried to get closer to hear better, peering inside, he saw Karasuno's captain talking with their setter. It seemed like the setter Kageyama was being scolded, the boy looked frustrated and angry but it didn't seem to be directed at anyone in particular.

"I'm sorry captain but….. I didn't mean to push him as far as I did but that idio…Hinata won't tell us anything. He keeps trying to keep everything a secret and….it got to me. He probably told Oikawa but I'm suppose to be his partner I….I lost it. I'm sorry."

Everyone was surprised to see Kageyama being sincere with his feelings, his polite approach made Daichi unable to be upset with him.

"It's alright, I understand why you're frustrated. We should at least make sure Hinata is alright."

"Okay…."

Kenma turned to leave, he was growing concerned for Hinata and he wasn't sure where he could have gone… why was this happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it wasn't too weird???? I wonder who found him????? ( Funny thing is, I kind of had a plan before scrapping it so even I'm not sure (^-^;)>


	13. Trueself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata ran away and Karasuno desperately searches for him. They need to resolve their own issues before they can move on and the end result will carry on beyond their team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it took a bit and I scrapped most of the first draft so I'm not sure how long it is but I didn't want you guys to wait for another week. I hope I didn't rush it, I tried to keep it consistent but anyways, Thank you so much for reading and now I need to collapse into sleep, my tomorrow self will probably regret this but right now I'm happy I got so many wonderful readers!

Karasuno had dispersed on a manhunt looking for Hinata. Kageyama looked in every place he could think of, but it was getting nowhere. Even so, he still felt lingering betrayal, he couldn't help it. He was so conflicted, but the desperation to find Hinata safe pushed him….maybe it was also the reason he pulled out his phone and dialed the one number he promised never to call again.

"…Oika--"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Kageyama flinched, he had only heard Oikawa angry a few times and he was almost hit once, but right now…Oikawa was furious. His voice was loud, frustrated, and if he was here, Kageyama knew Oikawa might've actually hit Kageyama. That's not to say that his words won't struck Kageyama like a slap to the face.

"I--"

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HINATA TOBIO-CHAN?!"

"I…I didn't…I.-"

"WHERE IS HE?! I CAN'T REACH HIM AND I KNOW YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT--!"

Like a slap, to hear that Oikawa has Hinata's number….it was a painful confirmation that Oikawa knows more than he ever did about Hinata and his emotions were already out of control.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I JUST WANTED TO KNOW…DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING IT IS TO KNOW THAT YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T TRUST YOU AND WENT TO SOMEONE ELSE?! YOU KNOW HINATA'S SECRET DON'T YOU? YOU---"

"TOBIO. Shut up and listen. I know you're mad, but did you ever think how hard it is for Hinata? Did you think that maybe he was waiting for the right time to tell you? Tell me, would you have listened if he told you?"

Oikawa's voice was no longer yelling. It was calm as if devoid of emotions, but there was an undertone of anger behind it which made Kageyama almost scared into silence. He still registered his words, and the question was ridiculous. It was such an obvious answer, of course he would've listened.

"OF COURSE I WOULD--"

"Just like you heard him out when he wanted a new toss? " A direct hit. Oikawa knew, but that was the point. He could understand why Kageyama was mad, but he did something that may have hurt Hinata more than his words are hurting Kageyama.

"…t-that was…."

"Different? No, you just failed to understand. Hinata knew this was a critical time for Karasuno, he knew this would affect your opinion of him so he was waiting, waiting until he was ready. You didn't trust Hinata to tell you on his own so you cornered him. You're right, I know his secret, but even I don't know how to help him….right now, I'm useless and he is probably somewhere having another panic attack. Do you understand?"

Kageyama bit his lip, he knew Oikawa was right and it hurt. He felt so betrayed that he didn't realize he had not given Hinata the trust he was angry he didn't receive. Oikawa's words felt like a wake up call and another wave of guilt hit Kageyama. Why didn't he realize this earlier? Why did it take several fights to finally make Kageyama realize he was part of the reason their partnership was deteriorating? His hands formed in fists were shaking, he hung his head in shame….he heard nothing on the other line, but he knew Oikawa was giving him time for his words to sink in. 

"I ….I need to look for Hinata. I need to make sure he's okay."

Oikawa would've protested had Kageyama's voice not sounded so determined. He must have resolved something in him and Oikawa was still worried about Hinata's wellbeing.

"Don't mess this up again Tobio-chan. And you better tell me when you find him."

"…I know…I…I'll let you know when I find him…..um….t…th…thank--"

"Don't thank me until you find him."

"O-okay…"

Kageyama ended the call, stuffing his phone in his pocket. His clouded mind became clear and his only focus now was finding Hinata. He needs to be careful this time, he just hopes he isn't too late.  
*****

"Ahh…."

Hinata wished this was another illusion, but his gaze continued to meet Yamaguchi's own gaze. Yamaguchi was worried, he was lucky enough to find Hinata, but he was unprepared for Hinata who was just recently in hysterics. There was red scratched on his arms and Yamaguchi was scared for Hinata, never did he think he would witness someone like Hinata in such a state, his stomach turned and he was unsure how to even approach Hinata.

"H-Hinata are you okay? W-what…"

Yamaguchi took a step forward only for Hinata to scramble back and tug his head closer to his knees, curling into a ball.

"DON'T! DON'T COME CLOSER!"

Yamaguchi flinches back, Hinata was closing himself off, but he looked so defenseless. Hinata didn't move his head from his knees, his hands were covering the sides of his head and he would've stayed like that if he didn't hear another voice swarm into his head.

"You are so weak. "  
�Hinata moves his head up, and there was Yamaguchi in front of him but….his face was completely backed out.

"W-what..?"

"You are a liar. How could someone accept someone like you?"

It was Yamaguchi's voice, but something was off. Hinata continued to look back to Yamaguchi's blank face, he was starting to feel his fears swell up, his throat tightened.

"You tricked us all"

'No….no…'

"You just wanted to selfishly pretend you could be normal. You can’t though because you're you. "

'Stop….stop it..'

Yamaguchi's shadow rose from behind into a giant figure of the creature that had been plaguing Hinata's mind since it's first appearance. It shrouded behind Yamaguchi, but it almost felt like it was engulfing him, using him as a puppet. It looked like black tar was pouring down on Yamaguchi, consuming him. As it dripped over Yamaguchi's face, it almost looked like a creepy smile appeared on his face as the voice continued on.

"Was it fun? Hiding behind a mask? "

"S-shut up…stop…..don't…."

"H-hinata?"

Yamaguchi was worried why Hinata was looking at him with such a terrified expression. He didn't respond to Yamaguchi's calls, but he could pick up Hinata's whispers..

"Leave me alone……please….no more….."

"H-hina--"

When Yamaguchi tried to step closer, Hinata took off in fear. Yamaguchi tried to chase him, but stopped when he realize he could never catch up, he was fueling Hinata's stress but…..why was he so scared of him? Then again, it didn't feel like Hinata was looking at him…more like….Yamaguchi looked behind him to see nothing…his heart was still beating, but he knew he needed to find Hinata….he should probably tell the others or get someone who could help….he wondered what made Hinata so scared….  
*****

Tsukishima knew what he did probably caused this, but he knew blaming everything wouldn't fix this and he forced his legs to move. He ignored Bokuto and Kuroo's voice, they might think he will make it worse, but he was only concerned with finding Hinata. He didn't even know what to say when he found him, but he needed to make sure that Hinata was okay. Still, the more he searched, the more he felt guilt at the thought that he had pushed Hinata away and for the part that cared, he knew he had broke whatever pillar holding Karasuno together. One piece was missing and the whole pillar is crashing down; Tsukishima would pretend to not care but he did. He really fucking did and it's why he felt so desperate right now. He had come to learn more about Hinata through this rollercoaster of a volleyball club and even if he felt like he could've lived without this, he fucking cared so much that someone like Hinata was safe. He never used so much energy in his life, he was tired from practice and running around but he wouldn't stop, he needed to find Hinata. Before he knew it, he was outside, he finally noticed the sun had started to set.

"Tsukki!"

"…Yamaguchi…."

"Tsukki! I found Hinata….I found him but….he …he ran away .."

Yamaguchi was also out of breath, but Tsukishima patiently heard him out. Upon hearing the news, he walks over to Yamaguchi and holds the sides of his shoulders.

"Where…where did he run to?"

Yamaguchi was surprised to hear Tsukishima sound so frantic, he slowly pointed in the direction Hinata ran and Tsukishima releases him, a small sigh of relief.

"Thank you Yamaguchi…..get the others, I'll try to find Hinata ."

"Tsukki--Wai---"

Tsukishima was already running in the direction Yamaguchi pointed while Yamaguchi snapped out of his shock and tried to find the others.  
***

Hinata didn't know where to go, he wanted to avoid everyone and everything but more than that…. he was still frightened at the thought of that creature chasing him again….he was too scared to look back and the voices were still ringing in his mind. He tried to ignore it, he needs to find somewhere he could be alone. He continued to run out, down the stairs of Shinzen's entrance and down the side steps only a few steps down until he was halfway down (on the small flat area of )the stairs leading to where the parking area was. Hinata moves so that his back is to the wall, he looks up to see the sky turn an darker hue before he looks down at the ground below, covered in a shadow casted from the wall. There is no sign of the bus that brought them here, but Hinata wondered where he could even go after this. After training camp is over…could he still go back, to school, continuing to play volleyball? Would they drop him from playing? Hinata knew he wasn't thinking straight, but he felt it wasn't far off….even now, he could still hear the voices fuel his anxiety…would they really not let Hinata play with them anymore? The voices seem to thinks so, that now he is alone….no, he shouldn't listen to them. Karasuno would never do that to him…

'You're lying to yourself'

"Shut up" 

Hinata tried to shut them all out, it was getting harder than before…please….just stop….

"All I want is peace…."

'Peace? You? How can you, when everyone knows what you're really like'

"be quiet, shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupSHUTUP--"

 

"Sho…S-shouyou…"

At the sound of his name, Hinata's body froze in fear...except…that voice…he looked up….the sunset made it hard to see but Hinata knew it was Kenma right above him, on top of the stairs. Hinata had never seen Kenma so out of breath, not even when he was playing volleyball…

"K-kenma….?"

Hinata watched as Kenma tried to catch his breath, he was probably running around for a while…it made Hinata wonder why….why would he do that? He wasn't worth the trouble so…why would …..Eventually, Kenma met Hinata's cinnamon color eyes as he took a step forward down the stairs. Hinata felt another impulse to run and yet, Kenma wouldn't give him the chance to do so.

"S…Shouyou….Shouyou wait….please…"

Kenma cautiously approach Hinata. He was scared Hinata would shut him out, he was scared for Hinata right now…he looked so lost, so terrified…he reminded Kenma of how much other people's opinions affected him. He knew Hinata was scared that Karasuno will see him differently now, but even if Kenma couldn't fix that, he could still comfort Hinata until he was ready to face his team. Just like Kuroo had done for him, Kenma felt he could help Hinata because he knew what it's like to fear the eyes of others. Hinata must have felt that, his body went limp in defeat. He stopped running. 

"K-kenma…..Kenma….I…..I messed up….I…."

Kenma quickly made it down the stairs until he was in front of Hinata, watching the boy shivering. It wasn't particularly cold, just a small breeze, but Kenma knew that wasn't why he was shivering. Kenma took the sight of the other…Hinata's head hung down, he looked tired, very tired. It hurt Kenma, but what really stabbed his heart was the sight of his arms…there was red scratches all over, running up and down his arms. What…. Kenma's legs weakened, he dropped to his knees. 

"Shouyou…you….What did you do…"

Taken aback, Hinata was not expecting Kenma to yank his arm. He watched as Kenma trace over his scratches, his hold on him was making it hard to yank his arm away. Hinata hissed a bit when Kenma touched a certain wound, but he continued to look at Kenma's face who looked more in pain than he was. Hinata felt the grip on him tightened, to his surprise, Kenma snapped at him.

"Why…why would you do this to yourself Hinata?! Why?! You…..you…"

Kenma's stomach turned at the sight of small blood droplets….Hinata, he….he actually scratched his arms to the point that it pierced the skin… it was painful and it made Kenma angry for some reason…that Hinata would hurt himself like this.

"I…I-"

" Why …Why Shouyou?!"

"I…..I'm sorry…..I….I…."

Kenma released Hinata's arm when he saw Hinata's expression. He didn't mean to snap at him, he really didn't want to make things worse. Hinata's arms immediately wrapped around his knees as he returns in a curled position. Kenma was fearing Hinata would shut down again, so, he was contemplating. He reached forward, a bit unsure, but when he heard sniffling, Kenma found the courage to wrap his arms around Hinata, letting Hinata's tears stain his shirt. Kenma wondered, what would Kuroo say? When he was in this situation himself, what words should he say? Kenma bit his lip unsure….he didn't know, but the only words he could think of right now were…

"I'm sorry I yelled at you….it's just…..I don't wanna see you hurt……I…"

"No…no…..sorry….I'm….I….I don't know what to do Kenma….where can I go…what….what do I do now?"

Kenma flinched at his words, the sadness in his tone, he was so scared…Kenma moved on hand, gently running his fingers through Hinata's hair to soothe the younger boy. He pulled Hinata closer as if that might take some of his fears away.

" ….I-it's going to be okay…they'll understand…don't….don't cry Shouyou…"

"..Y…you don't know that…."

"I do. I know they won't hate you, they are looking for you right now Shouyou. They care about you so much."

"B-but…but I…."

"You are part of Karasuno."

Those words struck Hinata, it was a confirmation he wanted to hear. He wanted it to be so true, can he…is he allowed to believe in them? Kenma's words rang in his mind, over the other voices….maybe….just maybe…he could stay? He could still play, with Karasuno? He didn't need to give up anything?

"Kenma…….can I ….can I really--?"

"HINATA!" "HINATA!"

Hinata flinched in Kenma's arms, he look up to see Kageyama and Tsukishima right above them where Kenma had first appeared. They were just as frantic looking as Kenma had been, but Hinata didn't feel like running this time. He looked back to Kenma who stared right back, he gave Hinata a nudge and moved away so that they were at arm's length.

"Go talk to them. I'll…I'll be with you if you need me…."

Kenma was not use to being the one giving comfort, that was usually Kuroo, but he was serious when he offered Hinata help. He watched Hinata, watched for any signs of another panic attack.. Hinata looked completely exhausted from crying and running but…his breathing was normal and the fear in his eyes depleted some, that isn't to say that he wasn't scared but…..he was beginning to pick himself up. He might just be okay…

"I…I think… I think I can do this…do you think I can?"

Hinata's expression was desperate, he needed some form of reassurance and Kenma knew his answer would really impact Hinata…..he nodded and moved up so he could help Hinata get up.

"You can...and you will."

Hinata looked in his eyes as if to see if he truly meant that….when he was satisfied, Hinata nodded back and accepted Kenma's hand. Hinata walked ahead while Kenma walked behind, making sure Hinata doesn't fall. Hinata's legs were shaky, from nerves or from sitting so long it was uncertain but Kenma knew from looking at him that Hinata wanted to do this on his own. Kenma was there ready to help if necessary, but he let Hinata walk up the stairs, it was slow but it felt like such a huge leap in progress to Hinata. He wanted to face this on his own, he needed to. Kageyama and Tsukishima were at the top of the stairs, they wanted to run down to Hinata, but something in them stopped. Hinata seemed different, he looked like he was struggling but he had a sort of determination. Kenma looked over at them trying to convey the rest of that thought. Hinata managed to make it most of the way up until the final step where his foot didn't quite make it and he slipped. Hinata felt two arms grab his own while a pair of arms support his back…he didn’t truly realize until that point. Kenma and Kuroo's words…they were all supporting his in some way. Karasuno. No one asked until now because they were waiting for Hinata. His senpais were silently offering help, trying to ease Hinata's pain by making his laugh. His teammates, they had their own way of expressing themselves but he knew it must have hurt. To them, it must have seemed like Hinata didn't trust them as teammates, as friends… Hinata wants to support himself and not burden anyone but….sometimes it was better to lean on someone, lean on friends, a team…

Hinata let Kageyama and Tsukishima pull him up, he accepted Kenma's hand. Kageyama stood there unsure before he reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone to call someone, he waited until they picked up and awkwardly rubbed his neck. Hinata only noticed now, but Kageyama's frown seemed softer.

"Oikawa….yes…I…He's safe."

Hinata's body froze at the mention of Aobajousai's captain, but what made it more shocking was when Kageyama offered his phone to Hinata.

"Here…I…I'm sorry I broke your phone…I…he was worried."

Hinata looked Kageyama in the eye for the first time in a while, his gaze fell on the cell phone as he reached for it and slowly bring it up to his ear.

"H-hello…"

"HINATA! ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT--"

Hinata felt another wave of relief to hear Oikawa's voice. He didn't think he would ever hear Oikawa's voice, but the thought that there were people worried about him….it was nice, he thought.

"Y-yes, I'm okay….my phone broke….ya, sorry I worried you---nono, he didn't hurt me, I…I will…um….thank you….ok, bye."

Hinata felt his lips tug into a small smile, he handed Kageyama back his cellphone. Like a storm had passed, it felt calmer now. There was still some ripples, a ringing of voices in his mind, but he could ignore them better now that he felt most of his worries rest.

"Here, you look--um, you should clean your nose."

Tsukishima bit back his usual snarky remarks knowing this wasn't really the appropriate time. Grateful, Hinata took the handkerchief he offered and used it to clean his nose. His tears had run dry at this point, but he still rubbed any lingering heaviness in his eyes. He looked down at the handkerchief, it seemed a bit humorous to think Tsukishima owned on although he wasn't really sure what to do with it since it wasn't his, although he did use it. Not thinking, he tried to return it to Tsukishima, but of course that only got him a small look of disgust as Tsukishima raises his hand to stop him.

"U-uh no, you can keep it."

Hinata felt a bubble of laughter from Tsukishima's reaction so he just had to laugh. He might've surprised them from the sudden burst of giggle, but Hinata just waved them off and stuffs the crumbled handkerchief in his bag. It felt like such a long time since he laughed….they didn't look at him any different than usual….Hinata was glad, it seemed like the atmosphere lightened up and it seemed like the conflict between them had gone away…

"Hinata!"

All three of them turned to see Yamaguchi followed by Suga and Daichi…..it seemed like all of Karasuno was coming this way, with Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi following behind…..it was …...He could only imagine the trouble he put the others at but…..it didn't feel as horrible as it should have…it felt nice that they were worried even if this whole time that was something Hinata wanted to avoid. He felt better, his throat was unclogged of suffocating emotions… Hinata watched them come to a stop, they all looked so worried, for him, they were worried. Suga was the one that pulled Hinata into a hug, tears hanging on the corners of his eyes…Hinata felt a warm feeling in his chest….he hugs him back, clinging to his senpai, tears threatening to spill again. He nods in response to his questions…he was fine…he was safe….right now, he felt like he could truly believe things could work out. He pulls out of the hug and looks back at Suga, then to the others behind him…

"I'm sorry I ran away I…we….we should probably talk…with everyone I mean…I think I need to explain myself to Karasuno…I'm ready--"

Daichi moved in and pulled Hinata to his chest with one hand. Suga lets go, wiping the tears from his eyes. Behind them, Nishinoya and Tanka were smiling broadly while Asahi and the rest look away to conceal their tears. Hinata's wide eyes turn to Suga who simply cups Hinata's cheek, his face softens, happy by Hinata's declaration.

"We were waiting for you to say that…..finally…finally…"  
*****

They all sat down in the cafeteria, it was decided that they should first get something to eat (since no one who was in the search party ate, too preoccupied with finding Hinata). It was still strange, but Hinata tried to get use to taking his pills out in the open. His appetite was slowly coming back although it was not up to how it use to be, but progress was progress. There was a few looks though some of them didn't look as surprised to see Hinata had been taking pills. After they ate, Hinata began; he started of apologizing for not saying anything and running away. 

"I…I don't think I can reveal everything all at once…I may need a bit more time for some of the heavier things but….I hope you'll hear me out…."

No one spoke as Hinata spoke…. he spoke of his mental state, the voices plaguing his mind, the pills to ease that…he spoke briefly of his parents, only the key points that his father had left and his mom was going through a few issues herself… it was heavy as expected and it was hard to think the happy energetic Hinata they knew was hiding all that. There was a few things they felt especially worrisome such as the creature that stalks Hinata, the mental and physical strain on his body….his thoughts that he was only wearing a mask…but to that one…

"I….I don't think that's right…"

Everyone turned to Nishinoya who kept his eyes closed as if really pondering about it,

"I mean….it never really came off as an act….hm….how do I say…rather than a mask, it was just another part of you."

"Yea, I think I get what you mean Nishinoya…it's like…you said volleyball was like an escape from the voices right? Then maybe that's what it is and you forgot your worried for those moments…so, you were actually just enjoying yourself, not acting."

Tanaka nodded to himself like he cracked the code, while Nishinoya praises his 'detective skills'. Hinata pondered their words…..was…was that true? Well….maybe…yes….he really enjoyed the moments they shared, practicing, going to the shop for meat buns…..perhaps it was real…..maybe that's why he treasured them so much….

" There's something I need to ask."

Kageyama looked quite serious and Hinata was taken aback by his word choice, no insults or yelling….

"Y-yeah?"

"Who….." Kageyama knitted his eyebrows, his frown deepened, how should he say this? Something was still bugging him and he needed to know…

"Who…who is Kuroko?"

Hinata's heart skipped a beat at the mention of Kuroko….. 

"Kuroko is…" He bit his lip, his throat suddenly felt dry so he took a sip of his tea…The warmth of the drink relaxed him and he could almost see Kuroko's figure when he closes his eyes…it put his at ease.

"I…. Before Karasuno, I had a few friends since I was little…they would play basketball with me and help me whenever I need help….there is Murasakibara, Akashi, Aomine, Kise, Midorima and Kuroko…he….Kuroko is someone special to me….he is always there when I need the most help. In my lowest moments, he would make it all better, he saved me so many times but……how do I say this… I am the only one who sees them. They are always with me but they are also not here….I realized when my mom told me to never tell anyone that it wasn't normal to see them because no one else did….imaginary friends…ghosts…..illusions or whatever….I don't know, but they are important to me….very important….Kuroko….I ……"

'I love him, so,so much…'

Again. It happened again. Hinata can't understand why tears were running down his cheeks, it was hard to explain anything right now, his chest was tightening again…there was a hand on his back, rubbing his back to calm his down, Suga's voice was soft and caring.

"Hinata….why don't we head to bed now? It's getting late and you're probably tired after a long day."

Hinata lost the control he had on his voice and only nodded in response. His throat did feel sore and he was exhausted, yes, that must be it…. Suga helped him up and lead Hinata out of the cafeteria and to Karasuno's room, leaving the others to think about what Hinata had just revealed… As much as it answered some questions, it left many other questions yet to be answered. Kageyama understood what Oikawa meant, why he couldn't help even if Oikawa was the first to find out…there was also Kuroko…the idea of him, the mystery shrouding Hinata's friends….who, what were they….

Tsukishima couldn't find an answer no matter how much he racked his brain over it. Where they like the creature? No…if they were, they wouldn't have sounded so much like actual people….were they a part of Hinata? But then, how could he see them like he would any other person? Then….wait…..Tsukishima remembered the shift of color in Hinata's eye…..was that related somehow? It was strange to begin with, for eyes to shift in such colors not even in the same area…Tsukishima remembered some of the colors from the time Hinata had pushed Kageyama before running off….purple, red, denim blue, yellow, green…was there one missing? ….Kuroko……he was very special to Hinata, and he was the only one who probably knew Hinata better than anyone…..whoever he was……  
****

It was awkward for Hinata once morning came….to think that they knew, everyone in Karasuno and some of the other members from other teams…it made Hinata nervous how they would see him now that they know…especially after how it ended. Hinata almost smacked himself from crying again without even knowing why…oh why….he must have been too emotionally worn out…. He got up a bit later, but so far things were normal….they only thing that seemed to change was that his senpais would remind him to take his pills during breakfast but besides that….. Well, he wasn't even sure what he expected…he was glad to even stay as a part of Karasuno. He was glad everyone treated him the same as usual, if not maybe a bit more doting? (Kageyama gave him as many tosses as he wanted for warm-up practice). He was glad, but of course that isn't to say they still didn't have some questions even if they don't outright ask. Also, Hinata hasn't changed either, well not entirely. The weight on his shoulders left nonexistent, but he wasn't about to outright talk in the open with Kise and Aomine (that would still look strange even if they already know). Hinata was still energetic as always, so maybe Nishinoya and Tanaka were right…..

"Hinata." Hinata finished his stretched and walked over to Ukai, the first game is about to start.

"Yes coach?"

"I take it you guys sorted everything out?"

"Yes. I...I'm sorry about yesterday! I'll make sure to score as many points as possible to make up for it!"

"A-ah no, that's fine- Well, that would be great, but don't go overboard and stain yourself. Continue working on your toss with Kageyama, this is the last day of camp so enjoy it as much as possible okay?"

Ukai pet Hinata's hair while Hinata nodded. Ukai was glad to see he was doing better, to see Karasuno patch things up….maybe…maybe today will be the day. Takeda-sensei thinks so as well, they might just be able to make their clogs work, in a single unit, stronger than ever.  
**

"Don't go easy on us."

"Of course not chibi-chan. We still the pride in our team to win. This will be like any match whether here or at nationals. Karasuno also better not hold back, you guys still have a few skills you need to master before training camp's over."

"Right!"

'So, today's the last day huh…'

It felt like they had just arrived to Hinata, but so much happened in such a short time, especially towards the last few days. As usual, Karasuno continued to connect their attacks, but they were still off although it felt like the gap was getting shorter…They lost another match, against Ubugawa, and although they took their penalty with dignity, they still felt frustration for getting the least wins out of the other teams here. Karasuno was in need of a morality boost…and what's better than Daichi's secret intel about a barbeque.

"MEATY MEAT, MEAT, MEATY MEAT! PUT 'EM TOGETHER YOU GET MEAT AND MEAT! HORRAY FOR MEAT! HALLELUJA ! MEAT IS GOD!" [A/N: I just really wanted to add this]

Fukurodani watch Karasuno, baffled by their actions. They were the most unpredictable team and for Bokuto and Akashi, they had a revelation after finding out more about Karasuno's #10, Hinata Shouyou. It was kind of admirable how he was, he appeared just as happy as usual…it was hard to think about what he had previously hid from others. He seemed particularly ecstatic and although they would be competing soon, they hope Hinata can pull off the toss they had been working on. They hope they would be able to witness Karasuno make their technique work, to see it all click. Not that they would go easy on them, but it was something for strong teams to find other strong rivals like Nekoma had with Karasuno. It would be like a honor to see that, Karasuno regain it's wings. 

Halfway through the game and it felt like it happened. When Hinata jumped , eyes open and on standby. Kageyama was still unsure, but he could almost hear Hinata's voice through his gaze…the uncertainties drift away and Kageyama poured everything into his toss. It flew and….stop. Reaching the point of impact, the force is killed and the ball is almost suspended in the air. That's when Hinata attacks, his battle, his control. Slamming it down, the ball left an impression as the room silenced. It was the moment of a small victory and although it felt like a fluke, it was the result of their effort, their trust. All the other pieces were falling into place. Karasuno was on top of their game and as happy as Bokuto to feel the thrill of a competitor, he was going into emo mode, stupid glasses was cutting off his spikes. It seemed like it was going into Karasuno's favor but then again…Fukurodani wasn't recognized as a power house for nothing. It may have been a loss, but Karasuno felt like they had won something out of it. They were starting to get somewhere, they were falling into rhythm. Just a bit more practice, a bit more and they will be able to master their skills…. Besides, they still win a free barbeque.  
***

"Don't eat too much dumbass or you'll throw up again!"

"I know that Bakayama! " Hinata blushed in embarrassment at the memory

"You're probably the one that will eat too much you end up chocking…"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY DUMBASS?!"

"Ah! N-nothing!" Hinata runs away before Kageyama throws him. He looks around with a plate in his hand, tongue out searching for the tastiest looking meat.

"Here Chibi-chan! This one is ready!"

Hinata felt a weight on his plate revealing to be a decent size piece of meat. He turned to see Bokuto who went back to inspect the meat, looking for more meat that’s done cooking. 

"Here, you can't just have meat, you need some vegetables too"

More weight was added to his plate, Kuroo had added a corn and lettuce to his plate along with some other vegetables. He smirks at him before grabbing a few pieces of meat from Bokuto. Hinata noted the second plate in Kuroo's hand and could tell it was probably for Kenma who sat in the small stairs, engrossed in his video game. The three chatted for a while and Hinata realizes how amazing Bokuto really is (He's in Nation's top 5!!) Lev and Tsukishima join them and Hinata finds out about the other top competitors like Japan's Wakatoshi Ushijima. Hinata took his pills when he realized how little there was left….it bothered Hinata quite a bit since he wasn't sure how he could get his hands on a refill, his mom had been more and more recluse these day….

"Something wrong Hinata?"

"Uh n-no, I'm fin, just thinking. By the way, how do you do that?!"

"Do what? This?"

Lev took a bit of his watermelon and spit out seeds like bullets.

"Yea! That! I wanna try!"

Hinata took a bite out of his watermelon and tried to imitate Lev but he only managed to spit the seeds clumsily. Lev began to laugh and Hinata pounted before he turned to Kenma,

"Can you do that Kenma?"

"U-uh no probably not…"

They stayed like that, with Lev teaching Hinata how to properly spit the seeds until Hinata managed to do one and called it quits. He spent the rest with Kenma, playing one of his video games while Lev gave encouragement as his kart lagged in 5th place (stupid blue shell). Eventually, they had to leave.

"Bye! See you next time!"

"Bye!" "Until next time!" "Bye Shouyou...." "Good luck!"

Hinata waved back as he followed Karasuno down where the buses where waiting for their departure. It was nice, he would miss the day he spent here but he knew the next time he would see them was across the court, in a real match and he couldn't wait for that day. They gave a final goodbye and entered the bus, it roared to life and off they went, back to Karasuno, in final preparations until the spring tournament began. Hinata never felt so happy, so carefree, he let so much off his chest and he could breath….he felt like he was now a real part of Karasuno, just a normal student who loved volleyball…..oh, how he wished things could stay like this…….

**Author's Note:**

> Warning:_ terrible at Updates(〜￣△￣)〜 but I want to writ and I wanted to get this idea out and see how it would work out . I don't work by logic but rather writing out scenarios but I appreciate comments and any suggestions to fix anything＼(^ω^＼)  
> My phone is about to die so I'll cut it short but thanks for reading (p.s I won't reveal if its something paranormal or mental about Hinata's situation and this is all for fun and not to be offensive)BYEヾ(ﾟ∀ﾟゞ) Don't own anything and this is all just a random idea for a story no one asked for so ya(*w*)b


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